Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ending a FWB situationship, need advice and support
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Tammy.
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Marina S
So I did it! I just mustered up the courage to end my friends with benefits relationship and tell him how I really felt. I had real feelings and emotions for someone who was emotionally unavailable, his words. (Backstory, we started out dating exclusively, but he told me he wasn’t ready for that) I told him I don’t know if I’ll be reaching out to him again, that I need time to get over him, and that I’m not happy, I’m not a fwb kinda girl, and that I wanted real intimacy with him. Its been very hard to see our sex as just sex, and it was starting to feel a bit more than casual. I told him that I was so out of my comfort zone within this situation. I only agreed to this to be closer to him, because it’s what he wanted, and I figured it was the only way I could have him in a sense. He was actually hurt by this himself, he told me he was caught off guard, and felt used, and hope he didn’t lead me on. I did ask him if he had any feelings or cared about me whatsoever. He said caring and feelings is two different things, and that he definitely felt the latter. That was yesterday, I’ve been crying and in bed since. I hope things get better. I know it was the right thing for myself, we didn’t want the same things. I hope one day we can be real friends, I just don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I feel a way about him, I’ve never felt for anyone I’ve ever met. The thought of not ever seeing or speaking again leaves me weak. I swear on my life it didn’t start this way. He completely pursued me, we would talk for hours every night, go one dates, plan trips, hes met my friends and family. This is just all turned out so differently, because he changed towards me almost overnight. I hope I find peace of mind. If anyone has been in this situation, could definitely use words of encouragement and advice, greatly appreciated
Anon
Good for you and I’m sorry to hear that you are so upset. This will be painful for sure. You are setting a boundary which is healthy. You can care and have feelings, but not be on the same page as to goals in life. How long did the dating go on before it began to be a FWB? Sorry once again
Marina S
we were officially exclusively dating for over two months, and after we slept together for the first time, he met my mother, that same weekend, he said he was still “figuring out how he feels about us and me”. Then the 180, hes emotionally unavailable and only wants fwb going forward
Liz Lemon
Good for you for ending this situation, as painful as it sounds. Unfortunately when things start out hot and heavy with a guy, they often burn out quickly. As you’ve seen, he just changed overnight, just like that. Pursuing you hard, planning trips, meeting your friends and family (your mom!) in 2 months…that’s all too soon. You can’t rush intimacy. It’s common for emotionally unavailable guys to do just that, they rush things to force intimacy, then they freak out and back off. A healthy relationship is appropriately paced and takes time to develop.
It really hurts I know, it feels like withdrawal because things were so intense. All you can do is take it as a learning experience. Generally it takes 3-4 months of dating to see a guy’s true intentions. Anyone can be intense and on their best behavior for a couple of months. So the best thing to do is observe a guys behavior for the first several months and see if he’s consistent, and escalating things properly. Not rushing them, but gradually increasing the intimacy. Anything that feels super intense and rushed almost never ends well, it usually crashes and burns.
You’ll get through it. Don’t worry about being friends with him in the future. Do things to distract yourself now– focus on friends and family, hobbies, exercise, volunteer work, take a vacation, whatever. It will get better with time but you just have to go through it.
Marina S.
Thank you Liz 🙏🥺
Tammy
I can understand what your going thru. Been thru that in the past. Its going to hurt like hell initially and u may want to reach out. But stay strong. I thnk what liz said about distractions. Take up differnt activities. Hobbies you want to pick up. Travel. Workouts. Meeting frnds. Hiking groups etc. Try and plan over the wknds especially. So that you dont hv enuf spare time to brood. It will get better trust us. Life goes on and we move on. Stay strng girl n you did the right thing.
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