Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Entanglement with my work supervisor and now things are bad
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by
tammy.
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Cee
Currently, I am on a two-month contract job. I fell for my supervisor. We went on one date last weekend. It was the best. Fortunately, we have not kissed or had sex yet. So far, we have been good. However, yesterday, he gave me some work and I didn’t follow his instructions well. He talked harshly toward me and I did my best to take in all the criticism. Afterwards, he didn’t talk or text me. It’s been a day. Now, he has blocked my number. I have no idea why he has blocked me. My best guess is that I did poor work. We are supposed to meet at the office in a few hours. I don’t know how to behave. I don’t know what to expect. Will he give me work to do? Will he give me poor remarks? Will he treat me badly?
Most importantly, should I bring it up?Before you throw criticism at me for getting involved with my boss…I want to say that I weighed in all the outcomes and decided to take the risk. I decided to go on a date because I genuinely liked him, it’s a 2 months job and I figured that two months would be a short time.
Also, I got involved with him because he is the 1st guy I’ve had that kind of chemistry with him in a really long time. Also, I got involved since I had the idea that I would date him maturely without drama.My biggest fear is how to navigate this delicate situation I’m in so as not to get poor remarks at the end of my two months. I’m absolutely ready to stop dating him if he unblocks me or talks to me.
I thought that nothing could go wrong but now I’m in a bad situation and I regret falling for him.
I wonder what’s wrong with me. I wonder why I always follow my heart in regards to men. I’m in pain. Anyway, any advice is gladly appreciated.
Raven
I wonder what his boss would say about this scenario…
AngieBaby
This was a poor decision and it’s now biting you in the butt. You’re lying to yourself and lying to us. You said you weighed the risks… no you did not, not even close, because you say you thought nothing could go wrong.
Did you even for a serious minute consider what could happen if this went completely south and you got a bad review or even fired? Because that’s a very real possibility here. No one has a crystal ball, we can’t tell what he will do. But this might not end well for you.
He may have figured out he could get fired for what he did and that’s why he blocked you.
And why didn’t you follow his instructions well? If your work was poor that’s a bad reflection on him and that could be another reason why he blocked you.
Can you now see that by far the smarter thing to do would have been wait the 8 weeks until you were done working there before going out with him?
I don’t know how old you are, but you sound young. This was frankly a rookie mistake and really stupid on his part too. You need to wise up fast and protect your career. Stop leading with your heart so naively.
The good news is you’ve learned an important lesson that I hope will stick with you the rest of your life – NEVER date people you work directly with. Especially your immediate supervisor, someone who reports to you or anyone in the chain of command of which you’re a part. In a big company it can be OK if they’re in another department and you don’t have to see or interact with them professionally, but in a small company dating a co-worker frequently leads to anything from discomfort to someone needing to leave. It’s not worth it.
Raven
This can’t be a real post- No one is this clueless…
Cee
@Raven…you don’t have to trust it’s real.
@AngieBaby…it’s the poorest decision I’ve made this year. I think that I didn’t really imagine the negative consequence well. But I’m glad things didn’t get physical in any way.
Anyway, I don’t know if there’s anything I can do except live in the hell I’ve created for myself.
Maddie
It was a bad decision which you’ve learned from, but what’s done is done. This doesn’t need to be something to expect the worst from and panic about, since it’s a short-term job and it was only one date. If you keep calm and mature per your plan and don’t see it as a major ordeal, you can probably get through it to the end of your 2 months okay. Do the best you can to correct whatever issue there was with your work, and stay professional for now. Don’t bring up the personal component if he doesn’t, don’t look for anything to happen with him. Just let it go. Again, you went on one date, and nothing sexual happened. If this is a misunderstanding for some reason, that’s also okay too, but if he comes back to discuss it then say you’d rather keep things professional until after you’ve moved on to your next project where he isn’t your coworker. I’d assume he can’t be mature enough to handle it if he actually blocked you instead of telling you what’s wrong (if he got cold feet about dating a coworker, that’s understandable… but if he’s adult enough to date a coworker, he can also say that instead of block you! So assume he is not mature enough).
In the future, take the advice of other posters, never date a supervisor!!!! Try to avoid coworkers period, but especially not a boss!
If you find you never feel chemistry with anyone, but follow your heart into bad situations, you may like unavailable men. It doesn’t get much less available or more about power dynamics than trying to date your boss…
Sharon Ann
@Maddie_thanks a lot. So far, I’m handling it better than I expected despite the heartache. I feel like there’s a complication between my supervisor and me because we haven’t talked about what’s wrong. I’m not able to freely inquire about work. But I hope it will get better. Thanks all.
tammy
no need to live in hell. admittedly you made a mistake by getting involved with your boss. but its ok we all do make mistakes. so you can stop beating urself. it seems he has issues wrt work. so from now on try and just focus on work. and rectify mistakes if any at work. you need to ensure that you get good references for work well done once your stint is over. i know it will not be easy for you and awkward but there is no way around it. just focus on the work from now on. and in case he does want to pick up on a personal front say no. atleast till you finish your assignment. and in future avoid dates with bosses, co-workers.
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