Ex (32M) dropped me (30F) at my lowest point

My ex and I dated for ten years. We had our own perfect little world. He was so nice and kind and attentive to me. I had no doubt that he was the right one for me. He was so great for so long. We made a great team. He is a first generation American (parents are from India) and I am white.

Things were great until I failed out of medical school due to health problems when I was almost done with the program. I lost a lot of money, friends, my childhood dream, etc. I was depressed, but I fought to get my life back over the next few years. I sought out therapy, I was working full-time, and I took classes to help get me into a master’s program. I was dying inside still and was traumatized from the experience in medical school. But I was working towards growth and recovery.

My ex told me that I wasn’t the same any longer. That I wasn’t as funny and full of life as I used to be. He said that he didn’t want to help me solve my problems anymore because he had enough of his own at work. He also randomly decided that he didn’t want kids because they’re too much work. He didn’t even discuss with me, he just decided. And he was becoming a little controlling. He eventually told me that he didn’t want sex until I started acting like a normal girlfriend. He would do nice things for me like make my lunch for work, help me with homework, bought my plane tickets for a couple of vacations, etc. But he was also struggling with his career and was making switches with what he wanted to do in his life. He also suffers with depression, but you would never know because he hides it and doesn’t want to be seen as weak.

He made a switch from academia to working as a manager in a startup distillery in our city. This job has changed him due to the people he’s around. It’s like he is trying to impress them all the time because they’re cool and hip. He used to be a science nerd and now he was a cool guy working with other cool guys. But he was stressed beyond belief with the demands of the job and would come home and tell me he didn’t want to hear about my problems because he had enough of his own. He would yell at me sometimes if I asked him for help with random things around the apartment. He blamed me for not being able to afford a house (it’s definitely not my fault – he wouldn’t sit down to create a budget with me or talk about money).

He broke up with me right before a big family event of mine. He had become increasingly nasty to me due to his work stress. He said that he can’t sacrifice himself and his life for me. And if I ever had anything halfway stressful to talk about he would tell me he was “over it.” And blaming me for everything wrong in his life. Anything stressful that I mentioned was a catastrophe for him and made me awful in his eyes. He would even come home and tell me that his coworkers were wondering why I wasn’t moving out fast enough (I couldn’t afford to for a bit). And that his friends were criticizing that I chose to move to an apartment that wasn’t far from his. It felt so gross to see him change this way. He would be really nice like his old self and then snap to be really mean. He said he just wants to hang out with friends and do things that make him happy.

He told me that he has lived his life under the expectations of others for too long (his parents were very controlling) and that he wants to feel free. I saw him six months after I moved out. He was nervous to talk to me. He texted me later that I am more like I used to be and that it hurts him that I am only getting better now that he broke up with me. And he said he tried to talk to me “so” many times about this before, but that I wouldn’t take his suggestions for help. When in reality I was working on myself to recover from trauma, and he ignores his mental health issues and is blaming me. Now all he does is hang around with his distillery bros and tries to impress them. I am hurt beyond belief.

Somebody tell me something to make me feel better because I feel like absolutely garbage and like it’s my fault. And like he will do better than me. Please help me feel better because I feel like a burden.