Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ex asked to see me after 5 months.
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Hpchic.
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Hpchic
So my ex broke up with me back in March. I went NC this whole time. A few months ago he texted me an apology to which I didn’t respond to. Last week he texted me asking how I am doing. Fast forward to Sunday night he texts me saying he’s sorry again and asks if he can see me tomorrow night for dinner (meaning Monday). I responded telling him to call me since I would feel odd meeting up with him after 5 months of not exchanging any words with each other. Well he never called. I just don’t get it, he wants to see me but can’t call me? It’s just odd, isn’t it?
Tallspicy
He wants this to be easy and affirming. You are not doing that. Which is fine. I also don’t know exactly what you said to him. However, if he were serious about this, and not just riding the wage of your friendliness he would have called.
If he contacts you again, simply state:
A. Bob, I appreciate you reaching out but this is confusing and hard for me. Please stop contacting me and I wish you the best.
Or
B. Bob, thank you for reaching out, but I do not want to engage in this casual touch base stuff that is inconsistent – especially if you cannot call me as requested after suggesting a meet up. If you are considering a real reconciliation – I would look forward to you doing what is necessary to make that happen. However If you are just touching base to say hello, I think it is best we stop engaging now. I recognize you may not have thought this through, but I am only open to real deal and anything less than that won’t work for me.
Hpchic
All I said was call me. I think he didn’t call because he was scared of what I might say.
Honeypie
why do you think hes back in contact? What would you want if he were back in your life?
Tallspicy
Well, honey, it depends on what outcome you want. I will not criticize that, but you should always think about the outcome you want and try to create the best possibility of that happening. If you simply said call me, it is fairly abrupt and he had reason to feel that way.
If you want him to go away, then state that.
If you are confused and somewhat irritated and want him to prove something then you should tell him what he needs to prove. I think “I would be open to meeting up, but how about a phone call to reconnect first and it goes well, plan something :-)” would have served you better.
Tallspicy
Or even…
Thanks for suggesting dinner. I am not yet comfortable with that idea, but would be open to a phone call and we can take it from there :). I will be home tonight at 7.
Hpchic
TallSpicy,
Perhaps saying call me was a bit abrupt. However if it were me and I really wanted to see my ex I’d take the risk and call them.
I’m not sure what I want. I’m not overly eager to see him or talk to him, but I certainly would need to have a conversation with him over the phone before I would even entertain the thought of seeing him. I also felt it odd to just come out of left field and ask to see me the next evening, it just really threw me.
Newbie
I think your question was excellent. Him being silent means he is not that serious. He could even have not shown up. So he missed the first hurdle
Tallspicy
You did not do anything wrong that will change the ultimate outcome. I suggest you get clear and what you are open to or not, as he will most likely sniff around again. So be pretty prepared!
A. Willing to chit chat and nothing more
B. Willing to chit chat and see what happens
C. Don’t want to engage unless he wants to reconcileHe probably missed you and reached out. May have wanted an ego stroke or may be really missing you. It is up to you about how and what to engage in.
I agree, if all you said was call me:
Him: how are you?
Him: how are you again 3 months later
Him: would you like to go to dinner?
You: call me
Him: crickets
Not impressive. It is not your job to make it easy for him. But if you want to see what happens, you may want to give him enough rope to actually hang himself.
Tallspicy
He is not impressive, you are fine!
Hpchic
TallSpicy,
Yes that’s basically how it went. Last week when he Reached out I responded saying I was doing well and then he asked how my family was doing and I said they were ok too. Then Sunday night he texted saying “(my name) I am sorry, can I see you tomorrow night?” “Maybe dinner” my response was (his name), call me.
I have a feeling he just wants to say sorry and move on like nothing happened, but I can’t do that. I think it’s like you said, he wants me to make it easy for him, and I’m not trying to make it hard for him on purpose, but I also have A right to feel the way I feel and want an explanation. I am not sitting at the edge of my seat waiting to get back with him, so if he wants to speak to me he knows where to find me.
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