Ex-Boyfriend Emails Thank you and "you don't have to respond."

I think you both want to get back together. But you are both afraid to start things again, because the problems for which you brokeup are still there. he said thank you, you could have replied, but now, if you don’t want to start anything,m do not reply. if you do – then reply and maybe suggest a coffee. But do not jump into serious conversations, just have a good time. After 2-3 get togethers, it will be clear how to proceed.

You’re right, that sounds confusing.

When we broke up, he went no contact on me. Something very out of his character. It was hard because we both are very social and have always instilled importance of communicating in our relationship, it came natural for us to talk about just anything. And when we broke up, it wasn’t pretty…we never talked about it face to face which I had a really hard time accepting. This is the man for years, every day good morning and good night, just went completely cold and shut down on me. I worried for him as he had things going on in his life, so there were times I called, sent texts with no replies. It hurt, but eventually I decided if that’s how he wants to cope, then I can’t force anything.

It was my birthday 3 months after the breakup, he left a gift at my door but then texted, it doesn’t mean anything…my friends took that poorly saying he should have left me alone because that really confused me. But, I knew he did it just to say, hey I care but not like that.

Months passed, we didn’t talk. Then I decided to send a one sentence email asking about if the certain situation he was dealing with had an update – just to show my support and care. He replied, then started texting me. His words were things such as, I “genuinely” care about you, things like that. But I knew it was words of encouragement like a friend. It was nice, just to talk but it was hard for me at the same time. Shortly after, he wasn’t as prompt with his replies and I knew what it meant. So, I had to get my space from him because I knew it’d be toxic if I continued to talk to him and be available to him. As much as I tried to hide it, I’m sure he knew how I felt about him.

He’s going through a lot and it hurt me that he couldn’t turn to me for support. He was always my cheerleader when I had rough times. The birthday gift had a deep meaning, it was something he always wanted. He was surprised and didn’t expect the gift because the last time we talked, he was a little bitter. But, I knew that’s just the way he copes and I looked past that as a mature individual. I just wanted him to know, someone understands and cares about him – he’s not alone. It is ultimately his choice, he knows where I am – he could find me but he doesn’t. He knows how I feel and that I try to move forward. So that’s why I cannot respond to him, I can only do so much.

I just know that we both care about each other and don’t want to throw away our bond, whether that be just friendship. But I can’t handle it the way he does, I care too much.

I don’t know if he’s just being nice by saying thank you twice, then saying how everything I’ve done for him means something special to him. He’ll say things like, not a day goes by where I don’t forget what I’ve shown him, because he felt everything I did was from the heart. But everything he says, is always past tense…like I’m happy that I got to know you and experience your love and care. It’s really nice to hear him say all this, but it also gives off mixed signals.

So he says all this and then adds in, “you don’t have to respond.” That’s what I am stumped on. Why say that.

Thanks Maria and Shannon!

Heart feels a lot lifted. It’s true, we’re both afraid. Must remain positive in each other’s lives for us to move forward, rather than heavy emotions and serious talks. :)

Usually when I say ” you don’t have to respond”, I really, really would like for them to say, “oh but I want to respond”

I think you guys still love each other but are not really sure of what you want.