Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Ex-boyfriend, next boyfriend…
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
Lane.
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Anon
So I recently connected with my ex-boyfriend from 10+ years ago. We’ve clearly grown from our twenties, had an unimaginable connection while meeting in person this Saturday night. Only problem is I’m fresh out of a relationship in which I was engaged and he says he’s been separated for a year but still living in the same house as his soon to ex-wife and their seven year old daughter.
He tells me not to worry about that, it can be changed. He wants me and we can talk things out to make sure we’re on the same page and so forth. I don’t know whether to give myself a breather or just pace myself with him until he’s moved out of the house and/or starts divorce proceedings.
Jen123
I think it would be prudent not to get romantically involved at this juncture.
The ending of a relationship is stressful enough but there is a broken engagement, a soon-to-be divorce and children involved.
It is going to be a highly stressful time so think long and hard if that is something you want to insert yourself into.
K
Call me crazy but someone who is still living in the same house with his wife isn’t really “separated” from her.
It’s very common for a man to decide to stay in an average or bad marriage “for the sake of the kids.” There’s no guarantee he will actually leave. It’s odd he claims he’s been separated for a year from his wife but hasn’t moved out.
Take a cold shower and back way off this guy. You’re both in very emotionally vulnerable and tumultuous positions and if you look at what others post on this site, it’s not likely one or both of you is/are ready for a new relationship that could last. .
Raven
This idea is worse than a Liver & Ranch Dressing Smoothie…
mama
Raven,
You’ve become increasingly unhelpful and insulting to others. I think you used to be helpful unless I’m getting you mixed up with someone else. What happened? Are you okay?Seriously, these one liners are a waste of your time and those who are looking for help on this site. Maybe take a break from the site and come back when you’ve a better perspective.
Whatever you decide to do, best of luck.
Tallspicy
Tell him to give you a call when he has moved out and can bring you copies of the official separation and filed divorce papers. You should not be involved while there are no papers and in the same house.
Yes, these things can be changed, but they should have been in his own accord.
And then proceed very carefully. Most men are not ok until the final papers are signed and 18 months have passed at a min.
Raven
Mama, Your idea is worse than a Liver & Ranch Dressing Smoothie…
Anon
Tallspicy, I’ll definitely take your advice. I’m pretty sure he will. He’s definitely in awe with be and I can tell he’d do whatever it will take to be with me. It was crazy, he still gives me the same look as if I’ll always be what he wants. Told me I’m the one that got away.
Another anon
If he’s over the moon about you then he will make this happen and he will do all the work. He has all the work to do with filing and getting divorce. You will not need to do anything, except wait for that to happen.
Lane
You need to tread very carefully here. He’s still married and living with his WIFE, not ex as they would have been fully separated by now if that were the case. If you’ve never been through a divorce you have no idea how badly it can go when heightened emotions get involved, so never assume a divorce will go down easily when in majority of cases they go down badly as they are not cheap and can get very expensive if both parties aren’t fully on-board, whereas even when they are it can go south very quickly. Trust me, I know because it happened to me when our *easy separation* eventually turned into a nightmare divorce when my ex husband decided he wanted to get into the mud and fight dirty!
You are both in rebound territory and although you may think this all grand right now, because its new and taking your mind off your past and current relationships, give it few months and it could go south very quickly. Remember how he dealt with his mom having cancer, as that very well could be how he deals with the separation and pending divorce especially if it becomes contentious.
You only know what he’s telling you but you have no idea what his wife might have to say about all of this as their may well not be any meeting of the minds between the two of them in regards to him filing for divorce. You need to tread very carefully here because his isn’t a simple ‘break up’ but a legal matter that requires dissolving all their assets, child custody and may others unknown variables, especially the cost (minimum of $5K just to mediate; $10K + if it becomes a war). I highly suggest you take off your rosy glasses as your judgment is very cloudy—like they say “only fools rush in.”
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