Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Ex comes back
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Bella
We broke up on friday when I finally called it quits after emotional abuse Throughout the whole entire relationship where I still was going to forgive him and fix things until he said there’s no changing my mind, I feel uncomfortable, I don’t trust you and I feel harassed. Right there, I told him let’s break up. And left. He texted me today, inviting me to eat with his family …. what does he want from me? After the fact that he told me I can’t fix how he feels about me. Does he expect his family can fix the our issue?
cc
He’s using you! You should never go back to a place where you lost happiness… Delete his number and move on, he’s cleary trying to manipulate you
Newbie
Clearly he doesnt take what you say very serious and just acts like nothing happened. And if you say you were emotionally abused by him and still stayed trying to fix him, i can understand why he treats you like a doormat. Its harsh but if he was abusive then stay broken up. Dont go back after a few days while he said he doesnt trust you and feels harrashed by you.
Bella
Yes I understand. I told him no and tell his sister that I thank them for the invite. I still love him… but I think it’s just time to let go…
Newbie
You wrote very casual about the emotional abuse (sometimes its miss used but lets assume he wasnt good to and for you), but you skip over that easy and look more interested in seeing of he wants to do another round. But if he wasnt mot good for you, you have to go to extreme lenghts to find out why you let guys treat you bad. Most cases its about lacking self esteem and trully believing they are worthy of love. What you want in your future is a non toxic relationship. But you have to detox from this guy first. Maybe with some professional help because what you can learn now will gain you a lot later on making good choices. So detox and engage with yourself on why you let a guy trample all over you
Bella
He emotionally abused me by always picking me at everything I do and calling me stupid with no logic etc. I’ve been with him for over 2.5 years and it was only the last 6 months this started to happen to the point where I started doubting myself if I’m in the wrong. After I told him it’s over Friday. It doesn’t seem slike he gets it? He asked me to go watch a movie tonight… after asking me yesterday for lunch….
Paige
All I can go with is my own experience.
One guy I was involved with couldn’t stand to lose.
More than a year after I (not nicely) broke up with him, I ran into him at the mall. (I had a Christmas job and was going back to work after lunch.)
We had what I thought was a nice, civilized, short chat and I went back to work.
About an hour later, he called me at work and asked to “get together and have a drink and talk.”
I told him no; he swore that all he wanted to do was to talk; I told him no and didn’t meet him for his “drink and talk.”
It wasn’t because he missed me (he didn’t).
It wasn’t because he loved me (he didn’t).
It was because I was with my now-husband and he couldn’t stand to lose.
I get the feeling that your boyfriend is a lot like Bill.
Keep saying “No.”
Tallspicy
I have a different perspective. If he actually abused you then there’s no reason to go back to him and that’s that.
However you were together for 2 1/2 years and if you never corrected him on being dismissive, it might be on you to try to at least have a conversation with him. This does not mean get back together with him, it means telling him that you broke up for real, and that to get back together, xyz things need to happen.For For instance, tell him that you’ll only consider getting back to gather with him if you go to a therapist so that you can work out how to deal with conflict more effectively. Another example would be that you will be letting him know when your dismissive and you expect it to change. If it does not change you will leave again without even thinking about it. I do not agree that you should just leave a relationship with no discussion to try to fix it. You were both in this relationship together it did not just happen it to you. If you didn’t communicate your needs that’s on you. All I’m saying is that you probably had a roleIn this as well, and an adult will try to communicate to try to fix it, and not just blame him.
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