Ex has an avoidant attachment style and I just realized…

My ex boyfriend (who I have just discovered is avoidant attachment) and I dated for a year. He is going through a very stressful time right now with his new career. We were arguing a lot because I felt we were not getting closer and he was always putting up walls. I assumed it was because he didn’t like me so much.

So we broke up about two months ago. He has texted me since then asking how my day has been and such. This happened quite a few times. I thought it was safe to start talking about a relationship again because he is not one to bring those things up (which explains the avoidance). So I sent him a link to a scientific paper talking about how relationships last long term. The article spoke of kindness and generosity as well as intimacy as being the most important. He never answered the message I sent him about it, so I asked him why he was ignoring it. He became extremely angry with me and said I was being controlling. I am not a controlling person, and I have let him have so much of the alone time he needs without problem because I need it too, so I was really angry that he said that. He knows me better than that. I explained that I was trying to help and that I didn’t want to give up on our relationship.

He eventually told me that he doesn’t want “damn articles” and that it really upsets him and he can’t handle me sending them. He also said that he regretted talking to me on the phone the night before because it kept him up late and made him tired at work the next day. I did not answer his text. I think I died a little inside at that point. I know he is extremely stressed at work and there is a rumor that he did not pass a certain entrance test to move up to the next level, but I do not know for sure.

We have not spoken for two weeks, which is by far the longest we’ve ever gone without speaking. I never answered his last text to me because it was very hurtful to read what he wrote. I have seen him at the grocery store twice now, however. I am sure he saw me, but I acted like I didn’t notice him. I just walked right by without saying a word hoping to look put together and strong because I probably came off as weak to him in the past.

I somehow stumbled upon attachment styles and he has an avoidant attachment style to a T. I was almost in tears I was so relieved to have finally figured out why he wouldn’t let me get too close. So… what am I supposed to do now? I am trying to portray that I am a strong person right now because I feel I looked very weak and submissive before. How does my new realization about him play into all of this? Shouldn’t he be feeling pretty bad right now since he knows his last text was hurtful, and he is not one to be mean to people and let it stay that way.

Thank you.