Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Ex has new gf after telling me he couldn't handle monogamy
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
Anderson.
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Amalia
I had a brief relationship with my now ex in the summertime. We broke up because he was younger than me and realized soon into the relationship he couldn’t handle monogamy and told me about it because he wanted to start seeing other people again. This was a huge blow to my self-confidence and I’m finally now just starting to get over it. However I recently discovered that he has a new girlfriend. This again has delivered a bit of a shock and has made me question why I seemingly wasn’t good enough for him to want monogamy then, but all of a sudden he’s ready several months later with someone else. Someone give me some tough love here.
Emily
You just weren’t the right person for him. Two people can be lovely but still not be a match. All relationships fail until you find one that lasts. Try not to take it personally (easier said than done) and move forward.
Liz Lemon
Emily is right. It’s not about being “not good enough”. For whatever reason you two weren’t a match. He met someone else later and felt a better connection. That’s what dating is for, to find the person we match with best.
He may be in a different headspace now seeing as it’s been 6+ months since you dated him (but not knowing him or the details, we don’t know for sure). Whatever the reason is, be felt a strong enough connection with this woman to want monogamy. Don’t take it as a reflection on you as a person.
Anderson
I’ve always believed that relationships and breakups are great teachers. I made a 180 turn after my first casual relationship because of all that I realized. Interestingly, there’s a lot of similarities in your post
And all subsequent experiences finetuned my realizations about who I was and wanted. Once you consider this, it won’t be a surprise that he has another gf already. Mind you, it’s just a new gf though. Who’s to say he is monogamous and wont repeat the cycle there too? But that’s besides the point
You will never be “good enough” for someone.
And neither will I. We need to get rid of this ingrained toxic method of validating one’s self esteem.
It just wasnt meant to be between you two. It’s as simple as that. If a male could meet all the women in the world, an Earth Bachelorette if you will *holds back vomit*, and you were crowned the “most good enough out of billions” I would bet money that relationship still wouldn’t last. Because chances are it wasnt built on love and compassion.
I’ve met women who were prettier, sexier, honest-er, smarter etc etc than my exes. Then why did I choose them? Love and compassion. I couldnt force myself to love a woman even if I wanted to.
Practice self-compassion. Instead of comparing. It’s something I’m training myself to do as well because constantly comparing and being competitive and pissing contests makes my own ego not as stable as I’d like it to be.
And it’s a common and understandable habit, but try not to look up your ex anymore. Whether they’re doing terrible without you or doing awesome, you shouldnt make that the basis of how you feel. Good luck
Anderson
*choose them = ex
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