Ex not interested but won't leave me alone

I think.. some guys don’t want to put the effort into a girl.. for what ever reasons “it’s too hard” but at the same time they really like this girl and “don’t want to let her go”. this guy sounds like that.

However.. this is not fair to either party.. it keeps them stuck in limbo.

I was.. like you.. until I cut ALL contact and told him get lost. Now.. I am picking up the pieces. unfortunately IF you want to get out of limbo.. you have to cut ALL contact.. stop your kids hanging out or have someone else drop your kid off.. not you !

WHEN people break up .. there is fallout.. friends stop talking, take sides.. kids no longer are friends ! families fall apart. It happens.

He is USA… me in Euope. we were engaged yrs ago. I got in touch Nov 2013.. he talked all the time..we both said we still have feelings for each other. HE ” ghosted ” in Feb 2014. I did ” no contact” for 7 weeks. he came back April 2014 “ghosted ” again, came back May 18th.. I told him a LOT of home truths about his behaviour and to feck off..his answer was to say ” bye” and block me on FB. i had told him I wanted a relaionship… but he has made it quite clear the doesn’t.

I am hoping he will come back and talk.. perhaps we can be friedns.. someday.. but I am NOT waiting or even really expecting…. he needs to sort himself out first. I may hear form him Xmas… if he misses me in his life again enough.

If not.. I will survive.. I am beter off. Never settle for LESS !

Sorry for being dim here…what does ‘Ghosted” mean? Not a term I am familiar with.

Not sure what to make of the the OP situation. It could be a number of things. It could be as Talllady says in that he is just living his life. It could be that he is the type of guy that doesn’t want to be committed to you but doesn’t want anyone else to be with you either so constantly drip feeds his presence into your life.

Focus on what ‘you’ want rather than trying to interpret what his actions mean. I’m thinking if I were in your situation I’d probably cut contact completely for at least 6 months…and have done this in the past myself…and then if contact is re-established it might be easier to be just friends at that stage (rather than ‘friend but I still have feelings for you’ stage which is hard).

“ghosted” is when he just disappeared out of my life.. poof.. , houdini.. no contact, no explanation,just stopped talking, then just reappears and picks up where he left off.

It’s definitely on purpose. He gets info on where I’ll be & then shows up. I was taking my dog to the beach every Sunday, he started doing so, I played tennis on Saturdsy, he started to do so. I told him I’d be playing tennis Wednesdsy, he was there. He lurks in his front garden when I’m walking past (that’s how I know he’s getting ready to Hoover), he invited my son down, when I organise for my son to come home alone, turns it into a sleepover so I have to go there with clothes. There are so many examples of him doing this. He treats me like crap, I cut him off, he blows super hot, I get sucked in…rinse, repeat.

He knows I want to get back, and every time he returns I get my hopes up. I then get upset, we stop speaking, a few weeks later he sees me (randomly of deliberately), that triggers him & he gets in touch. He knows that raises my hopes but he keeps doing it.

He then gives me random reinforcement. For example he went overseas & emailed me (I was really happy, I didn’t expect to hear from him), then returned & ignored me.

This guy seems to call all the shots. You need to take control back. Does he manipulate you out of curiousity ??? Is your relationship normally good or does he “put the blame on you ” for how things unravel .

It’s so very hard, he’s treated me atrociously. He has called me names, blown hot and cold, put me down, been so incredibly unpredictable, stalked me, and the worse he treats me, the more I want him. I am so ashamed of myself. I don’t know how or why he has such a hold over me. I would never let anybody else treat me so badly. It’s as if the more unworthy he makes me feel, the lower my self esteem, the more dependent I become.

I try so hard to walk away, and he just busts my boundaries and comes back with less.

We are not young, which is even worse.

”The only way to avoid abusive relationships for women who was abused as a child is to avoid people she is extremely attracted to.” Ayala Malach Pines

I dont know if this correspond with you completely, but the attraction you feel is toxic for you
You can change your life, you can do it.
You re bigger than your body, give yourself credit for.!

Make him history !

He’s okay with my kids, it’s just me he treats like shit. He saw my daughter walking alone yesterday and gave her a ride (which is fine with me).

I just really don’t understand his behavior, it’s very confusing. I’ve not heard from him in 1.5 weeks though so I am assuming this time he’s actually listened to me.

Thanks for your time.

Hi I’ll keep it short my x girlfriend won’t leave me alone and it was a messy break in the end we stayed in touch as friends till I realised what she was up too as I’m now a physical and wreck and trying to get on with my life which is hard I made the deccisssion too block her as it was the Wright thing too do at the time the rings on another number which brings everything back she says she loves me as a freind but know I suffer from depression and been at the point of su dice be coz of this I don’t get why she won’t leave me alone two weeks ago she knew I wud do anything too have her but I just want my life back so why does she find the needed too be into his still when she knows how fragile I am help pleas any one kelvin

@JW, my ex was abusive too and I too want him back desperately, BUT this stays my want. In practice, I cut all contact, avoid places where I might bump into him, etc. etc. To give him credit, he is not trying to pull me back in, he only called once during the last 2 months, after our last and what seems to be the final breakup. Did not leave a voice mail. He did not verbally abuse me in terms of criticizing my body or anything like that but putting me in a very degrading situation and being awfully hostile to me for no reason. During intimacy too – and yet he was the one to initiate it. Always made it look like he is gifting me with his presence whereas wanting to talk about “us” for hours on end, and I didn’t really. Anyway, emotional and verbal abuse comes in different shapes and forms but we always recognize it.

You need to man up and get out of this. Prepare for it, arrange so that your children don’t go to the same events as his, delete and block him, and do not allow him to manipulate you. Ideally, if you can have a GF stay with you for the next 3-4 weeks, it would help greatly.

Man…what we women are willing to put up with..? And why, just why do we still love those who insult us? I know that with time, when love exits, I’d be terrified to think I allowed this type of thing to be done to me, but in the meantime, I still love him and I do want him back too, despite everything.