Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Ex Repeatedly Contacting Me During No Contact…What to Do
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Emma.
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Ashley
I know, the more accommodating we are the more it turns guys off & it’s weird because usually our instincts tell us to be that way. It took me like a million tries to finally get to do the opposite of what I’d normally do
Anna
Could someone please help. My ex and I we’re together for 4 years. Over the last year we have been through an exhausting cycle (argue, he runs away accepting no fault, I do no contact, then he comes back saying how much he misses me) I have always gone back the first time he has contacted me. It happened again two months ago and a month into no contact he texted saying he misses me. This time I ignored it and haven’t heard anything since. We love eachother so much but I want him to learn from his mistakes so we can be happy. Where do I go from here? Will he come back and contact me again? Will I have to reply to the I miss you text he sent a month ago. Some advice would really help right now
Tatiana
Ok so.. I was with my ex boyfriend for a year anda couple of days after our 1 year anniversary we had a really bad break up. We lived together & I kicked him out.. He now lives with his father in Chicago, while I am in Georgia. A day After the breakup he had contacted me telling me he was sorry and how he just wanted to be civil.. Well of course j just explained to him how I missed him and I can’t believe we were so far apart .. This was never our cup of tea. We had never broken up and this is both our first relationship.So I saw that he had deleted all of our pictures on Facebook and starting adding a whole bunch of women. It bothered me because he would write me as a friend. My heart is broken & I really do not want a friendship with the person who broke my heart! Any way.. I sent him a long paragraph about how I felt.. And how we couldn’t be friends , well he didn’t like that and basically just told me this was really it its time for us to just go our separate ways. It broke my heart more because I know I basically asked for all of that just by sending those messages. Well after that big argument I started the no contact rule. A day after the argument he had contacted me saying “how are you”.(OH! & I was really hurt so I said really mean things to him like “f*** you” & “delete my number & leave me alone”) well I ignored the first message.. He then sent me a “hey” “hope everything is will” the next day his message was “hope your fine, God bless you.. Love you.” He then called me (I didn’t answer) then he wrote “can we talk?” As badly as I want to reach out to him.. I can’t until my 30 days are over but I do feel guilt! I don’t know what this means like is he realizing that he has lost me? Is he realizing how bad he has messed up?? I would like to be with him in the future but I am afraid we will go through this whole break up thing again if he doesn’t realize what he has done wrong.. Am I right or wrong for doing the no contact?? And about him reaching out to me saying he loves me and stuff should I continue to ignore him??
Raven
Tatiana… Ask him what he wants …
kaye
I agree with Raven. See what he wants and apologize for your childish behavior!!
Tatiana
I do not feel as though as I was being childish because of the fact that we broke up because of something he had done.. He has to learn to not screw a good girl over. That is why I have being doing the no contact rule and I see him reaching out now because he knows that he may have lost me. He is starting to feel guilty.. Although I do miss him & still am in love with him & would love for him to come live with me again I just want to know I am not gonna go through the same bs.
kaye
Well then we have different definitions of what childish behavior is obviously!! See to me the fact that you miss him, still love him, want him back yet you told him to F#$K off and to leave you alone and delete your number is childish. Children get upset and throw tantrums and say things they don’t mean. Like… “I hate you!” and “You’re not my friend anymore!” As an adult we may say something in the heat of anger that we don’t mean but it’s up to us to apologize for it.
I also thinks it’s game playing if you are ignoring him when he asks if the two of you can talk. When I did no contact with my ex (who I’ve now been back with for almost a year now) I TOLD HIM I thought it was best if I didn’t see him or talk to him for awhile. I didn’t just go no contact without letting him know why. Ignoring someone never feels good. How would you feel if you were trying to contact him and he’s repeatedly ignoring you?
a sky full of stars
I was the one who broke up with her because I felt like I didn’t love her enough..( we are both girls)…after two weeks she moved on..getting a boyfriend.. Telling me she never really wanted to be with a girl in the first place..although everything between us was perfect..the love the intimacy.. Yes we had been drifting apart a bit but I guess that was just temporary… Anyway so after she got a guy,almost immediately.. I was very devastated and wanted her back ..it hurt so so much …she and her new bf were mostly dating online (so I guess it was just a rebound ).but no matter how much I begged her she wouldn’t come back..yet there were lots of indications which showed she still loved me and cared for me..so I followed ur guide and now I am on d 4th day of no contact.she has reached out to me during all these days almost begging me to atleast text her back…what should my next step be?how long do I carry on nc?( we had been dating for a year)…oh and I texted her once today saying that we can’t contactat all
M
Honestly, if it were me (and it has been me) I would just tell him the honest truth. You need some time. If he’s interested in (marriage, babies, going steady, whatever your goal is) then he’s welcome to contact you in the future but for now, you need to take care of yourself. I’d keep it simple.
Something like, “hey, sorry I haven’t been in touch. I really need some time to myself so don’t take it personally if I don’t respond. you know the kind of relationship I’m looking for so if you decide you want that sometime, you know where to find me. Until then, I need some space to heal. Thanks for respecting my needs. Take care.”
Annieh
My ex and I were together for 18months,we were madly in love and neither of us had felt like that before (I’d had a 10year relationship previously and not felt as loved or in love as I did with him) we’ve been on and off for a few months and going round in circles,he used to bring up old arguments etc that then made me mad with him…he finally said it was over and a few days later said he had been out with someone else and wanted to see where it went…a week later and still messaging me he said his head was all over the place and we got into an argument,he said he still loved me but the very same day went Feb official with the new girl,I’ve not contacted him since (10days) but he is messaging me saying “u ok?” “Good weekend” etc…is she a rebound? Am I reading too much into his messages and he’s just feeling guilty cause he hurt me and trying to ease his own mind? Sorry for the essay!
Maria
Annie, you need to start your own thread, you will get more replies this way.
Do not allow your ex to have this cake and eat it too. He is weaning himself off you, gradually, while having fun with the new woman. Have your dignity and do not respond to him. At all.
Whether she is a rebound or not will become clear in 2-4 months. Whatever the case, until he comes to you with a request to “talk” about possibly getting back together, do not respond. You are hurting, missing him, naturally, but you need to stand your grounds. Doing that will serve all potential outcomes, i.e. whether there is a chance to get back together later or not. In all scenarios you will benefit if you stand your grounds and do not respond. He will miss you MORE, and this will prevent him from enjoying his new thing. It will give you and him time to really think and evaluate your feelings. It will make him respect and value you.
No contact means completely no contact, no facebook, no snapchats, no texting, nothing. Unless he asks to “talk” abnd to talk about getting back together, do not respond. And definitely do not contact him yourself. Check out ex boy friend re covery. There is a lot there that can help you. If not with him, then in the future.
Celeste
I recently started the NC on the first of the month. We have a child together. I havent responded when he texted asking how our child is doing. Reason we broke up in the first place is because of trust issues. Not to mebtion a certain girl i felt he was already with but always denied it. And right now im pretty sure they are together however he still wont say they are. Hea texted twice but i never respond. But i am actually wanting to work it out. Just dont know right now. I need help advice. We were together 3 years.
Celeste
Sorry its me again. Just to really get it all out…my ex and i have been living apart since Dec. And i actually completely broke it off jan 31. During that time we tried to work it out only to only argue all the time. Until i just got so mad and just blocked him. Then a day or two later i calmed down and agreed to let him see our son. He showed up and i saw him trying to hide hickies. It broke me. After we texted and argued and told him not to be around us anymore. I mean come on we were a family and yet he did that. Just felt he gave up. So ever since i have not communicated at all. Is it wrong i am doing this even though we have a son together and he asks? Also i forgot to mention during dec-jan i noticed a certain girl hes been hanging with who i know ‘gets around’. They have been talking alot on facebook i noticed before i blocked him. Im pretty sure they are together right after and possibly since dec. Could she be a rebound?
Algo
Actually, the fact that he’s on tinder doesn’t mean he’s not upset. A guy I used to hook up with (thank goodness I stopped doing that) recently broke up with his gf (her choice) and I know she’s the person he thinks is the one for him because he keeps trying to worm his way back into her life and he takes her back every time she let’s him.
He contacted me again for casual sex mid december, told him I was done with that in general, specifically with him and that I had a Bf now so if he wanted anything but Plain old friendship, he could go look elsewhere.
I found out last week that they broke up mid december. So basically, he went to look for sex the minute she was gone again. I spoke with him last week (I help him with his business because he’s not native in Dutch and doesn’t write English Well) and he’s still devastated. He’s looking on Tinder, asked me to rate his profile for Success. He would take her back in a heartbeat but is still looking for mindless sex to take his pain away.
It’s not healthy but it’s what he’s doing instead of healing.
That said, I still think you should just remain in NC because you broke up for a reason and it doesn’t really matter if and why he’s on tinder. Also, change your password asap. Either he’s using the wrong methods to heal or he didn’t care so much. Either way, you’re better off just focusing on yourself right now.
Mike
My ex and i recently broke up after 3 years, i begged and pleaded and we remained in contact after she left and moved to another state. After ignoring me and me blowig her up like an idiot i finally gave in and stop contacting her i got the hint. Days later she snaps a pic of her and guy in a bedroom. Totally crushed me. We spoke a couple days later and now im on nocontact. We didnt establish that. I just said im working on me and you do you. But now she is texting me about nonsense and than blowing up on me for not saying anything, and then saying im clearly ignoring her and goodbye. What should i do?
Tricic
We were together for a year and 2 weeks ago he broke it off I cried and begged, he started crying and I said I would do anything even let him have other women if he wanted. Stupid I know anyway he said he would like to but he can’t he cried some more. We went to the yacht club for coffee and a snack and then back to his place I left later that evening he walked me to my car where he hugged me and cried again I pulled away to get into my car, he pulled me hugged me again and continued crying along with me.
A week later we met at his place to talk and he said that he felt caged I made no attempts to initiate anything, made no suggestions, and didn’t disagree with anything sometimes it felt like he had a puppy at his feet cute, sweet, loving but annoying at the same time and other times he felt I faded into the background but he started crying said he cares a lot for me but it’s not working, I said lets try he said he was trying but it’s not working.
He then asked me for his keys and asked me if I had a suitcase for my clothes I said no he put them in plastic bags and gave them to me.
I started the NC but gave in to his texts a week later, I really want him back so started it again but this time I think I messed up, I saw him twice and ignored him because I thought NC means NC , while in the club his friend came over and said please wait for him, I know him and all he needs is time please don’t move on, I got emotional but still ignored him because I want the NC to work and now I think he thinks I’m mad or I hate him and moving on so he might move on too. After that he liked one of my tweets but he hasn’t texted or tried to contact me.
I forget to mention that he is 60 and I’m 39
What do I do?
Please someone help I don’t want to lose him.Raven
OMG… He sounds like he’s 24!
Emma
I too thought you were in your early 20s..
Stop begging!! He is 60. Retirement age. You are still young.
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