Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ex said he wants to be friends but then ignores me
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 8 years, 6 months ago by
vanessa.
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Jen
He (24 yo) broke up with me 4 months ago after we dated for 4 months. It was a somewhat mutual break up because I was asking for us to become official and he said he didn’t feel enough of a connection with me even though he liked me as a person. We continued to stay in touch and we hung out a few times since the break up with me initiating every time. Last time I asked if he wants to start seeing each other more often and see if we could go back to how things were and he refused and said that he enjoys the friendship we have now and doesn’t want to ruin it if we push for more and things don’t work out. The next day, he told me through text again that he’d really like to be my friend and he enjoys what we have. I texted him back and said that I care about him and would give friendship a try if he’s willing to meet me halfway. I said I’d leave it up to him to initiate the next time we meet up. I haven’t heard from him since and that was 3 days ago. What do you think is going on? Did he truly want to be my friend or did he just say it to be nice?
Ashley
Let him go. You’re obsessing in a way that is definitely not friend-like. It’s normal to not talk to a “friend” for 3 days & you’re talking as if he’s your boyfriend. Sorry to be blunt here but he was never into you much to begin with & you’re being very pushy. Stop trying to get him to talk to you & see you. Don’t text him anymore. Let him come to you if he wants to talk to you or see you.
Jules
I agree with Ashley. It seems like you’re trying to convince him to be in a relationship with you when he already said, in so many words, that thats not what he wants. You can’t convince a man to date you and you should never put yourself in a place to convince.
I think at first he was trying to accommodate your request to be friends but you keep pushing so he’s pulled back.
Here’s the truth. This guy was never your friend to begin with. You guys dated, he didn’t want to commit and didn’t feel the connection and you guys split. You need to move on. Trying to hang on and make this something will only leave you hurt.
Phillygirl
I agree with Ashley, you are seeking more than he is, he knows it and it’s making him uncomfortable so he’s pulling back.
He doesn’t want more than what you currently have, if you can’t accept things as they are, just tell him good luck and goodbye and stop contact.
But if you keep pushing him, he will eventually not even want to be your friend. He is not trying to be friendly in order to date you again. He’s been very clear about that.
I hope uou aren’t sleeping with him because if you are it’s just FWB.
Gregg
He said it to be nice. You’re scaring him off, he told you he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material. It seems to be that you are still hoping for more. If I were you I’d completely stop contact. Why wouldn’t you want to save your time and energy for someone who’s really into you?
kaye
You’re not getting this. He’s not ignoring you. Ignoring you is if you texted him to hang out and he didn’t reply. You said you would leave it up to him to initiate the next time to meet. It’s only been 3 days and you’re already freaking out about it! If he wants to see you, he will.
But based on what you have said here I highly doubt he is interested in seeing you. You have initiated every time and you even asked about seeing each other more and go back to how things were and he refused!
I have never had a guy I broke up with not say he wanted to stay friends. It’s what they all say unless you have been a total psycho or screwed them over. It’s a nice way of saying you don’t hate each other, you’ll be cordial when you see each other and not make it awkward if you run into each other.
It does not mean you will be best buddies, continue to hang out like you did when you were dating, keep in daily contact like you did when you were dating or even that he will ever initiate hanging out with you again.
So please take Gregg’s advice and find someone who’s really into you!!
vanessa
I agree with everyone except for one exception…the use of “girlfriend material” is not totally accurate. That makes it sound like she’s some type of floozy. He just didn’t feel the connection with her, as far as we know.
Gregg
This site is really something. If you decided I’m not “boyfriend material” does that make me a floozy too??
vanessa
I said it makes it sound. Yes, it IMPLIES that you’re only good enough for sex for that person. Just thought there are other ways of putting it, as others have, as to not further affect the OP who is already feeling down. That is all.
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