Ex wants to be friends but doesn't initiate contact

Stacy

Having a “friendship” with an ex is not clean cut as if you had a guy friend that you were just friends with no previous romantic relationship.

Think about what a friendship really is like…you call to say hi once in awhile, you make plans to catch up and maybe you hang out with a group once in ahwile”. Even my best friend who is a girl I don’t speak to every day and I only call her when I have gossip or its been too long since we last spoke.

So a friendship is not about him reaching out everyday and asking to go out that is a “boyfriend” and I think you are confusing the situation.

I suggest you stop having these expectations and stop communicating with him you need time to “get over him”.

Unfortunately, a lot of times people say “let’s be friends” when they’re breaking up with someone to soothe their own feeling of guilt over hurting them. If he’s not reaching out to you, he doesn’t want to be friends. People who really want you in their life will do whatever it takes to keep you there. I think that having him in your life would be to your detriment anyway; it will keep you from moving on and finding someone else.

You say it’s not your intention to win him back, but I think your intention IS to win him back, but you don’t want HIM to think that’s your intention. I think you still want to be with him, even if it’s under his terms. A friendship status could possibly turn into something more once again.

He hasn’t initiated contact because he isn’t concerned as much about it as you are. I think he initiated being friends, just to be nice or to lessen the blow of him breaking up with you. I think he might have felt badly about breaking-up with you, so he goes along with meeting up with you a couple times, but that’s about it. I also think he is interested in keeping you in his corner, in case he wants to double-back to you to catch up on ‘things’ from time to time, but a real ‘friendship’ isn’t really what he’s looking for.

Good Luck tho…

I’ll echo what many of the other ladies said.
Oftentimes when a break up happens people say the age old lets be friends. They rarely mean it. Only a few occasions in my life have I seen people be friends with an ex.
I would suggest that you don’t reach out to him anymore and move forward. His actions are telling you he has no interest in a friendship with you.

Not enough time passed. You can be friends later on. I’ve seem MANY cases where exes became besties. I myself have that in my life. It is possible, but it is too soon for you, and the efforts should be mutual. So you should sit back and wait for him to reach out to you. If you don’t, he will, but maybe not now. Maybe sometime later, when he’d notice that you are not reaching out and that you won’t. But do not wait for him to do that. You do need to move on. Friendship can wait. True friendship can wait for years.

It’s been 4 months and you’ve only met a few times, all initiated by you. I don’t think he would have hung out with you if he didn’t want to. He likely would have made up excuses as to why he couldn’t and then not followed up. But the fact he hasn’t initiated a single hang out in 4 months should tell you something. If he was missing your company he would be contacting you.

A guy who is a genuinely decent guy doesn’t want to string a woman along and give her hope if he thinks she wants him back. The fact you texted him last time saying how you feel weird initiating and it feels like you’re trying to win him back but you’re not probably gave him pause. Men aren’t idiots. He knows you still have feelings for him but he’s just not feeling it for you other than as a friend.

He enjoys your company but not enough to make an effort. A friendship should be a mutual effort and when you’re the only one putting in the energy then you need to stop.

I agree that ‘let’s be friends’ rarely means a real, genuine friendship. I don’t agree that there is something cowardly about those lines.

Ending a relationship amicably is a mature, respectful and a decent thing to do. However, a real, genuine friendship is almost impossible, especially early on after the break-up.

When I want to stay friends with an ex, it means that I am ready to forgive whatever has been done to me and that I am hoping to be forgiven, that I wish him the best, think of him warmly and retain many good memories, and will be able to have a nice small talk if I ever bump into him. It would also mean that I will be willing to help if ever needed. It would NEVER EVER mean that I would initiate contact, hang out regularly or treat him as bestie. I think this would be very difficult, uncomfortable, risky etc. Or even disrespectful for the pain that I’ve caused.

A lot of the times guys say ” Let’s be friends” because they break up with you to find ” something better”, but want to leave the door open in case they don’t find anything else and are ready to settle ( yes, men settle too)/ get lonely/ get rejected by a lot of new girls and needs an ego boost. It’s foul, but this is how the ” on again and off again” type of situations start and continue for YEARS. He wants to see what else is out there, but if it doesn’t work he *knows* that you are stuck on him and he can come back. Remove yourself from the equation, no wants wants the safety / 3rd string QB. You want to be his treasure, NOT his toy; so stop hitting him up. Cut him off, live your live and limit his exposure to your life.

If he truly wants to be your friend/ misses you, he will reach out. If not, he will not. Remember: silence is also an answer.

So start dating again or focus on yourself. Actively work on letting him go and be honest with yourself: what is there to gain from you two being friends? And if it’s a glimmer of your failed relationship, then that’s not worth your time. Remember this: the MOST important thing is that the other person wants you in return.

Let him go. He is not worthy of your friendship.

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