Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › FBW.. right or wrong to consider?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years ago by
Maddie.
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Sara
I’m a single mum and have been on my own for the last 4 years, and I’ve little time to actually be with anyone in terms of a relationship.. This is where my dilemma arrives and where I’m struggling with my feelings.. Part of me believes I should be seeking a relationship that will lead to long term commitment and one which I carefully tend to along the way if that makes sense?.. But having been married to a serial cheater for several years, followed by a couple of emotionally abusive ones, caring for/supporting my son, and in recent months my father, I’m not sure I have neither the time or energy to put the effort required into a relationship.. My two boys (now in their late teens, one with special needs) come first and always will, but I have needs too and at the moment I feel the need for physical contact without all that comes with a relationship.. Ive been questioning a FWB or casual relationship, however, my morals and values hold me back from going out there and having some (safe) fun and losing my inhibitions, but I also feel like taking the plunge and having that fun and intimacy I so crave.. Equally, I don’t want to cause hurt or get hurt myself as theres also the risk that one of us may develop an emotional attachment. I’m also aware I may just be trying to fill the void of loneliness that I feel from being single for so long, hence my consideration of the risk of developing an emotional attachment.
I feel guilty for even thinking of a FWB relationship, and concerned about the risk of attachment, but excited by the thought of it too, and the thought of not having the pressures that can come with a committed relationship?? Not sure if any of the above makes any sense? But was wondering of anyone has felt, been in, or experienced the above?
Raven
Honestly, a FWB isn’t for you…
Your last relationships have not been good for you. Why would a FWB be any different… Your ‘picker’ is off. Why not get to the root of that, then seek a real relationship?
Kim
Only you know if a FWB situation is right for you. There’s nothing wrong with having a FWB as long as you realise it’s purely physical and the man has no other obligation to you and as you say there is the risk that you would get emotionally attached. I see so any women settling for FWB because they think somehow or another the guy will suddenly want more. If you’re offering sex with no other commitment involved there’s not to many men who will say no to that, so why would they change it? If you want something more than FWB don’t settle for less than what the guy can give you otherwise you’ll end up getting hurt.
tammy
there is nothing wrong with a FWB arrangement. but your post suggests that your probably not mentally or emotionally ready to handle such arrangements. i tried it out many years ago. the sex was the best I ever had but it was so good that this went on for almost 2 years and despite mysef, I got emotionally attached. needless to say, it didn’t end very well.
Angela
I was exactly the same, relationship broke down through no fault of my own and had needs and moral issues preventing me.
My advice,, go for it! You’ll be so glad you didSix months ago a young Nigerian boy help me carry my shopping home, now he’s my lover and I never knew sex could be so gratifying x
Maddie
Have you ever spoken to a professional? Are you in a position where you can speak to one? You’ve been through A LOT. You deserve intimacy and companionship, but you also need to make sure you’re choosing the right kind of guy to give it to you. The non-committal kind of guy looking for FWB may still do things that are painful for you because you’re both free to do whatever you like. Not having a boyfriend label does not make the wrong situation with the wrong guy less painful. For complicated reasons around learned lack of trust in both yourself and in men, your “picker” can get broken (as Raven said) after dealing with cheaters and emotional abusers, and you usually need to make some space to focus on yourself to heal some of that pain before your picker then improves. So speaking to a professional to help you process what you’ve been through and feel better within yourself first will really also help you not to choose the same kind of men who will repeat those bad behaviors. It isn’t about being more “careful” or less committed (like with FWB) to protect yourself, it’s about trusting yourself enough that you won’t accept bad behavior and are strong enough to still be okay afterwards even if you don’t always choose the best guys.
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