Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Feel like I got lied to and can’t recover
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Elly
I was seeing this guy for about 2 months but then he broke it off with me saying he doesn’t think his ready for a relationship. We didn’t have a lot of connection but I did like him. It hurt a lot when we broke up, took me nearly 2 months to feel ok again.
Recently I found out from our mutual friend that he is dating again and even bringing her home for dinner. Not sure why but it feel so painful hearing it. I feel like I got lied to and was upset over him for nothing.
Why would he say his not ready and now dating again after only 2 months. I don’t know how to stop feeling hurt and not sure how I can trust guy again.
Raven
Not every guy you date is going to be your match or you his. You even said, “We didn’t have a lot of connection…”
Here’s the sad awful truth, when a guy tells you he’s not ready for a relationship, he’s not into a relationship with you.
It’s a matter of compatibility. You don’t want to settle for just any guy. You want a guy who you do have good connection with.
AngieBaby
Why did it hurt so much to break up with someone after only two months with whom you in your own words “didn’t have a lot of connection”?? It takes 3-4 months for a relationship to gel and honestly most of the time it doesn’t work out. Women get all in too fast. Men will seem all in early on but often they are not. They aren’t lying. They just deal with romantic relationships differently than women do.
And Raven is right, sadly when a guy says I’m not ready for a relationship it really means he isn’t feeling it with you and wants to let you down easy. It’s one of those polite lies we all tell at least once in our lives during a break-up to save someone else’s feelings from being hurt and to give a reason they can’t argue with.
T from NY
What you’re going through sucks. Not because of losing this interaction with this particular guy! But because it seems he may have made a connection with someone else and you’re still looking for one. So you’re displacing your feelings of frustration and disappointment onto him because it’s just plain challenging to date! As women it’s hard to put yourself out there, manage your expectations, vet a guys character, be brave to be yourself and speak your needs, navigate sex with a new partner, stay in receiving mode and not try to force the relationship – all of it!
So take the focus off this dude. Why he broke it off truly doesn’t matter because all it means is he ain’t the guy for you. Practice the art of sitting in the crappy feelings because – just like allllll things and all feelings – they will pass. And it’s good practice because we all have to do it. Tend to you. Be kind to you. And you’ll move on stronger than before if you do not dwell and take what you have learned from this person.
Elly
I guess I was hoping that it work out but then it didn’t. Then I was holding on to hope that he will contact me again once he ready. Part of me did know that when he said his not ready for a relationship he mean his not interested in me enough, but I ignored that part and just believe maybe he mean what he said that he wasn’t ready. So I end up waiting and hoping. I think that’s why it hurt me so bad when I found out he moved on with someone else.
I just feel so down and sad about the whole thing. Just seen it so easy for him just to move on to someone else. He even told out mutual friend that he did like me but can’t see it working in the future. I feel that’s an excuse, he didn’t even know me that well, how can he even predict that. Make me so frustrated and hurt. Finding someone shouldn’t be this hard and this drama should it?
Liz Lemon
I’m guessing you don’t have much experience dating. You yourself said that you didn’t have much of a connection with this guy. That’s how dating works. You date to find someone you feel a strong connection with. It’s more than just liking a person, it’s feeling strong chemistry.
Two months of dating is plenty of time to know if you have chemistry with someone. Almost always when you click with someone, you know right away, or at least within a few dates. Sounds like this guy gave it a shot but didn’t see himself in a long term relationship with you. That’s fair. You have to accept that.
The vast majority of guys you date will not end up being a serious relationship, that’s just a fact. You will date plenty of guys and it will go nowhere. So you can’t be destroyed every time this happens. You have to dust yourself off and move on. The fact that you’re wallowing will prevent you from being in the right mindset to meet new guys– possibly a guy who you do connect with strongly & have chemistry with.
-
AuthorPosts
