Feeling a fool but actually brave

Are you wanting advice or are you just venting?

I don’t know what your question is? What do you want advice about?

My comments: This guy seems like a lot of drama for a hookup. Hookups are supposed to be simple. If you are ruminating about him a lot (you said your head is spinning) you should probably examine your motives– are you truly looking for just casual? You seem to be spending a lot of energy thinking about this guy.

If you think he wants a relationship (have you asked him that directly?), and you truly don’t, then your interests are not aligned and you should stop sleeping with him. There are plenty of guys out there who want no-strings-attached hookups. But it doesn’t seem to me like you have communicated with this guy about each others’ intentions. You keep saying you “get the sense” and “get the feeling” he wants more, but you don’t actually know. So you might be projecting that onto him.

He actually told me he’s looking for a girl, he’s been seeing some girls but then told me they were creating drama for him. I know he doesn’t want to date me cause we don’t have any other interactions apart from hooking up. I’d be relieved if I knew he actually found one and doesn’t wanna continue cause this arrangement isn’t working anymore. I mean unless he’s horny and want some from me, we don’t actually meet. So I’ve got no desire to date him. He told me about the other guys that I slept with, why do I do that to myself and don’t want something stable.

“After a while again, I texted him twice but within a timeframe of two three weeks, to hook up cause I was horny. He always replies telling me maybe I can pass by and will text you. He never does. When he’s horny and texts me instead, he remembers to text and update me what’s the plan. I give the element of the doubt because both times I wrote to him last minute and he always seems to have something scheduled already. He wrote to me “keep in touch” but I didn’t want to seem pushy. If he would come I guess he’d write me himself, so I let it be. Idk what he expects of me, I told him that I only look for casual but I get the sense he wants me to invest more”

NOPE, those aren’t actions and signs of a guy who wants to invest more. Those are actions of a man who doesn’t take you seriously and is prioritizing other things.

“Keep in touch” is said by an uninterested guy who wants you to keep up the communication while he does what he does. A guy who wants more won’t ask you to keep in touch because he knows you will be hearing from him soon. He’ll say stuff like ‘I’ll call you’ or ‘talk to you later” etc…Keep in touch is what you tell people you like but are not really going to be communicating with.

“He actually told me he’s looking for a girl”

Someone can be looking for ‘the one’ but still f*cking around. If someone’s tells you they want a serious girlfriend but are messing around with you, it means you’re not the serious girlfriend, you’re just the convenient one. Probably he’s just surprised someone like you doesn’t want a decent boyfriend and being serious about someone. Doesn’t stop him from sleeping with you though.

Look here my girl, you’re worrying yourself over nothing, he doesn’t want more from you as per his actions so you can relax. Men are generally territorial, even if it’s not that deep, men can even throw hissy fits over side chicks so really it’s nothing to read much into..

I’d say it’s casual on both ends, so, no need for drama.

Thanks for the perspective! Indeed its casual. Don’t mind to not be taken as the serious girlfriend or girlfriend material, just living my life. If someone would come along that is a match and wants to pursue anything further I’ll check myself how do I feel about dating. Dear Erin thanks for the heads up, only suggestion is that is sounds a bit rude to call someone you don’t know “now listen my girl”, there’s an attitude that diminishes the receptor of your message and I’d appreciate that we exchange ideas or opinions respecting each other.