Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Feeling Used and Defeated
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by Raven.
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Julia
Hi everyone, I just got rejected by someone I was really starting to like and I’m feeling a lot of pain right now. We were only seeing each other for a month, but very frequently and feelings were starting to come into the discussion. We both established we had feelings for each other and I thought things were going to progress. We truthfully both had a lot of baggage, but due to my wishful thinking, I was hoping we could just move it all aside because we really liked each other. We’re both 24, so, young, and he’s a bartender. I had a feeling things were not going to end well but I tried to remain positive because he told me he wanted to be with me.
The last time I saw him we got in an argument and questioned our future together but I thought we had established by the end that despite our issues we wanted to work through them.
Two days later, he texted me to apologize for the way things happened and told me that sometimes he needs space. Even though we’ve both talked about how much we value our alone time, I took his text very personal and told him to leave me alone if he doesn’t know what he wants. Which, of course, he told me he would if that’s what I wanted (it wasn’t, I really liked the guy but I didn’t want to be strung along). So I texted him again to try to make amends but he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore. This hurt me so much considering he’s the one who started the discussion about feelings, and many times urged me to open up about mine because he wanted us to be honest and comfortable with each other.
I’m feeling so let down and hurt because I really got my hopes up for this one, we had a really strong connection and enjoyed each other’s company a lot. Do you think there is any possibility he will come around? I am hoping that he will have a change of heartT from NYI am sorry you are upset enough to write into this forum but I have to give you some tough love – I have no idea why you would name your title feeling used. Dating is dating. Men are men. To be the most successful and at peace you have to learn about both. Men generally mean things at the time they are saying them – but drama and contention can squash their good feelings FAST! How on earth were y’all arguing in the first month? Everyone – I mean everyone has baggage. Past traumas are no excuse for dysfunction. Women want a man to be in love with and be treated nicely by. Men want sex initially and to just make a women happy. Love develops later if she makes him feel good when he’s around her. Arguing definitely doesn’t feel good. And if the arguments were his fault – he’s not the guy for you anyway.
Do not chase a man. It will make him run further away from you. Learn to regulate your emotions and process your trauma so you don’t dump your baggage on anyone else. It sounds like you honestly seek connection but put barriers in the way or aren’t seeking out the right types of guys. Let this one be – he’s said his peace. Date yourself first and foremost. Let a man wiggle only when he’s worthy.
aliaI think he didn’t have long term intentions for you, or he would have tried to make up with you. I think you are right to feel the way you feel. And by no means you said anything so terrible that a guy “would not want to see you again”. I think he created the conflict, to create the distance, to get rid of you.
RavenMaybe this is a good time to sort through your baggage…
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