Feelings Sad and like I won't ever find love

I met this man backpacking about 2 months ago. To say he swept me off my feet was an understatement. From the moment I met him, he was kind, persistent, intentional. I hadn’t experienced that from a man in a long time. As someone in their mid-30s living in a metropolitan city who can’t seem to find one decent man, it was refreshing.

We saw each other every day that I was there (about 6 days). There were lots of romantic strolls on the beach, talking about life, and other things etc. Reflecting on it, it kind of feels like he love bombed me, but it doesn’t matter now.

Once I returned home, we continued to talk even though I made it clear we didn’t have to continue communication because there was probably no way it could work being long distance. He is from the a neighboring country of the one I was visiting and he was there mainly to work. He insisted that we continue to talk because he enjoyed my company and wanted to keep talking. He also asked multiple times would I ever consider coming back to visit him.

After a month of me being home and us talking almost daily, I told him I don’t think we should talk anymore. His communication style wasn’t working for me, he would sometime take hours to respond. He also has a job in hospitality working with guest so he can’t be on his phone a lot which also would create long periods of time with nothing. Overall, it just wasn’t good for my mental state because I am anxiously attached and was overthinking a lot of things, getting anxious, etc.

Now, the awful part. I haven’t talked to him in over a month. I was finally getting over it and realizing, no matter how great our memories were, they can never exist outside of that trip, our lives are too different, etc. One thing I specifically asked him when I first met him was was he married, did he have a girlfriend, kids etc. And not just one time, multiple times.

Background, I don’t trust most men. And especially latin men. They are known to be cheaters and liars (sorry to generalize but I am also a latin woman and know from personal and family experience). This is why I asked multiple times, jokingly and non jokingly and he assured me he isn’t like a typical latin man. He didn’t want “a bunch of children and multiple woman, just to find one good girl”. What a lie. Because 2 days ago when going through my whatsapp randomly, I see from his contact photo that he HAD A BABY. 2 DAYS AGO! I met this man 2 MONTHS AGO. So what I’m assuming is (started piecing together clues and little things he had said ), while he had a woman 7 months pregnant in his home country, he was somewhere frolicking on a beach with me. And completely forgot to tell me about it?! I asked him 10 different ways if he was attached or had anything he was hiding and he just kept saying no and reassuring me I have nothing to worry about. Why are men liars? And why lie especially when he could have just kept it a fling and stopped talking to me when I came back home. Why continue trying to talk to me and be insistent that you want to keep in contact? Even to the point of asking me to come back and visit you. Why?

Idk why I’m so hurt, I thought I was over him, over our time together, over all the what-ifs and possibilities. But I think it’s because he ruined my idea of him, our memories. He tainted everything. Here I was thinking I had finally met a genuine nice guy, and that the only reason it didn’t work was because we were too different and in different places. He made me feel cared for, valued, wanted. And now, he ruined it all. I feel dumb, stupid, desperate and pathetic for being so enamored with a stranger and believing his lies. I’m just so sad.

If you’re wondering, I haven’t said anything to him about it and refuse to. I don’t want him to know I even care or am bothered by it. It just really does hurt though and now I’m back to thinking that I literally can’t attract a good guy. All of the people I’ve ever dated, even 2 long term relationships I had, ended up disappointing me or being dishonest at some point in time and I just don’t know if I am ever going to find a good man.