Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Fell in Love with this guy…. randomly goes MIA, find out he went back to ex.
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mell.
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Josée
So, like a lot of posts I’ve seen on here, I am currently heartbroken. This is not a normal situation by any means.
Met this guy on Tinder, and because of quarantine, we spent most of our time texting, video chatting, and sending each other voice messages. This has been going on for two months.
Simply, he is/was amazing. Was saying all the right things, we had A LOT in common. I was beginning to fall for him very quickly, which is unusual for me, especially in this circumstance. We literally talked about anything and everything.
He did mention his ex, and how they broke up because of long-distance, and she wasn’t willing to relocate. She lives two hours away, and I believe it was 6 months ago. He said it was mutual, and things happen, so he was okay with it.
I will continue by mentioning that this particular guy got accepted into med school in the Caribbean. I was completely ready to go see him occasionally, as needed, to make this work.
He knew about my feelings, as I was very honest about them, and he was very honest about his.Two weeks ago, just as I was about to tell him I was in love with him, he goes MIA for approx. 1 week.
Then, I get this message on Snap from him, stating that his ex reached out, and wanted to try things again. He mentioned that since her job can follow him, he said yes.
First thing I found unusual, was that they first broke up because she wasn’t willing to relocate 2 hours before, but now magically her job can follow him to the Caribbean.
I just feel so stupid and heartbroken, because of everything we told each other, how we really liked each other. He dropped me without a second thought. Like I meant nothing. Like everything he told me was a lie. He is a really nice guy, and reached out a few days ago because he thinks I’m amazing and wants to remain friends.
I don’t think I can. I finally told him I had fallen in love with him, because I wanted to be honest and lift the burden from his shoulders. I don’t expect him to leave her at all, as he’s already made it clear he didn’t pick me. It just really sucks.
I don’t know what to do. Every time I think about him, or them together, or anything, I get really sad and start crying. What are the chances of him coming back to me? Probably none, right?
Josée
Just to specify…
“First thing I found unusual, was that they first broke up because she wasn’t willing to relocate 2 hours before, but now magically her job can follow him to the Caribbean.”
What’s unusual is how she reached out right after he was accepted. She is a wander luster. It just seems too weird of a coincidence in my mind.
cupcake
There really is nothing to come back to. Really he is a stranger! You have never even met him. Don’t stay “friends” ( you have no history or connection with him other than some online chatting right? so what basis is there for a friendship?) with him. Just delete him and move on. Try not to dwell on it ( i know that can be hard ) but chalk it up to an online match-up that just didn’t pan out.
Don’t put any more energy or emotion into this guy. Take care. Someone else will come along
Newbie
Sorry enough your story where a girl loves a man before even meeting him is not that uncommon. I really understand you fell for his words, his consistent attention but this is a big part of how women get played. This man is a total stranger, a penpal ok. You have got to learn a guy has to show up and be consistent in dating you before you even start to see him as a potential bf. Protect you heart with more common sense or you will set yourself up for heartbreak or worse. He probably never even left the gf/wife.
mell
You don’t say how long you dated, but you gave the impression that you fell in love quickly, and therefore that it’s not been long. I’m sorry that it’s ended in hurt. On second reading, it appears it’s been two months, and either all or mostly virtual. Lockdown has been weird for everoyne, and it sounds like the constant talking led you to feel invested very quickly, without really having had the time to get to know each other. Thats understandable – it happens. But the reality may always have been different – you never even got a chance to just date normally and get to know the gross sides of each other, yet.
It still hurt, though. And I’m sorry your’e going through it. I dont’ think you meant nothing to him – but it’s possible he was still working through his feelings for his ex, and processing quarantine. It sounds like he just wasn’t over his ex – if a man was over their ex, they’d never drop a new girlfriend who was treating them well for someone who’d callously dumped them. He may have imagined his life with her until she refused to move – and that’s not something you could have competed with if he was still not over her. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong – in fact, it’s probably nothing to do with you at all. If he were emotionally unattached he would have acted differently.
It’s natural for you to assume she’s secretly being awful – but you probably know little of their history. Perhaps he and she just had a lot of history together, and they missed each other – perhaps she saw what she was missing after the breakup. Regardless, he’s made his choice.
Don’t try to stay friends. First of all, you don’t actually want to. Second ofall, NEVER stay friends with someone you can’t be with romantically but who you are in love with. Why would you punish yourself with that pining, and seeing what they get up to with their new partner? He can’t even be a part of your life because he’s moving country. And lastly, you weren’t even friends to begin with – what you share is a few fond memories of trying each other out as a partner. The romantic memories and longing you’ll have will usually outweigh the more friend-y aspects by far.
Make a clean break – in the long run it’s the least painful option.
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