Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Felt offended by bf disinterest to talk to me…
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
kaye.
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danna
Hi there,
i’m not sure if i should just let this one go but i felt offended.It’s very seldom that i call my bf. Around 8pm, i messaged him Hey..and he replied. As I’m not really into texting i then called him. He answered but while talking I felt the disinterest in his voice so i told him, you sounded like you dont want to talk. He just said i’m tired .. so i told him ok, i’ll let you go..good night.
I somehow felt offended. it’s been 4 days that we have not been talking or even texting so I just thought that he would be happy to talk to me..is it just me? coz for me even if i’m tired i would always be glad to hear from him :( and i didn’t call him just to chit chat, i was asking him his thoughts about some finances/investment as he is good with it.
Lane
Why are you creating drama? People do get tired, and have no desire to talk to people, including their SO’s, when they aren’t in the mood. He’s allowed to feel the way he feels, and if you can’t respect him for not being in different moods, based on his day, you are not going to last long in a relationship.
This is a big part of connecting with a partner btw. You learn how to read them, and in doing so, you can give them space when they need it, because we all need space from time-to-time to decompress, unwind, vet out, or take time for ourselves. My BF can read my voice, and instantly knows what “mood” I’m in. Thankfully, he respects me enough to give me some time to decompress, or unwind, after I get home because he loves me enough to give it to me. I know his too, can tell when he’s not in the mood to ‘chit chat’ will say good-night talk to him when he’s in a better headspace. That’s how partners who *respect* (key word) each other’s quirks, nuances, moods, etc. develop a stronger, and closer bond.
Lane
Meant *veg out* (not vet out)
Newbie
If your friends or bf cant have a bad day or be tired without you being offended about it when you want to claim their time and attention you will have a hard time keeping the friends/bf
kaye
I understand your feelings got hurt but I’m not sure why you use the word “offended” here. As far as whether or not to let something go, my normal process is to see if it’s still bothering me 24 hours later. You can’t imagine how many things look insignificant and trivial in just a day. But if it is still bothering me, I would bring it up to my boyfriend/husband. Because I know if I let something fester and bother me it’s just going to come out later in a fight or in a passive aggressive way and that’s not fair.
In your situation I would tell him, “Honey I understand you were tired last night but it hurt my feelings you didn’t want to talk when we hadn’t really spoken in 4 days.” And back when my husband and I were dating he probably would have responded with something like, “Babe that wasn’t my intention to hurt your feelings! I was just wiped out from working outside in this heat all day and had just gotten a shower and settled on the couch to watch XYZ and I’m sorry if I was listening to that and not paying attention to you.” Then I would say, “It’s okay, I just really wanted to ask you about X because you know more about these kinds of things than I do.” And the situation would be over and done with instead of me stewing on it and mulling it over in my mind and wasting that energy in a non-productive way.
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