Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › First date he lives 2 hours away and wants to stay over
- This topic has 21 replies and was last updated 7 years, 11 months ago by
Nat.
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Julie
I have a date with a guy on Wednesday night, he lives 2 hours away. He wants to crash on my sofa rather than drive back. We have been talking for a week (text and phone) and have made each other friends on facebook so know that he is genuine. I have read every book on players and dating.I feel that if a guy wants to stay over then all they want is a quick bunk up! but never dated someone who lives so far away. Do I say get a hotel or drive home? and if he cancels then I know he just wanted an out of town quicky! or do i let him crash on sofa because of the distance? I have made it quite clear that there will be no sex!! we are both in our 40’s!
Rose
I wouldn’t allow that to happen, not only because it can be misinterpreted but because it’s kinda dangerous.
What if he’s not who you think he is? What if he hurts you in some way?
It’s extremely soon.
Why don’t you ask him to see you half way so he doesn’t have to drive for two hours?
It sounds suspicious to me, sorry!
Lucy
Meet halfway, or tell him to stay in a hotel. You may have read all the books, be in your 40’s …whatever. Have some common sense, talking to him for a week and making friends with him on FB does not mean you know him well enough to let him stay over. What if he robs or assaults you or God forbid kills you? Seriously… You don’t know this man at all. If he’s any kind of gentleman and really wants to get to know you, he will stay in a hotel, or drive home.
Be sensible please. What would advice would you give to your daughter if she was asking this question?
Stay safe.
Hannah
This may well be innocent. Two hours is a long way to drive after an evening out. But you don’t know this man and I think it’s a bad idea from a safety perspective. Also what if you don’t get on and you have him stuck in your home all night?!
I’d say that, while you wouldn’t have a problem with him staying in the future if you get on, it’s a bit much for a first date. Point out the safety thing. Guys never think of that because they don’t have to and in my experience have always been very understanding when I have.
Perhaps offer to share the cost of his hotel? He is making a 4 hour trip to see you and taking you out. I just think it would be a nice gesture. But don’t let him stay!
Options2
Meet on the weekend – you have a whole day.
Raven
No, absolutely not!
You do not know this person.
Happy
I would think long and hard about why you want to meet a man who lives two hours away.
LDRs rarely work. Most men are the ones to break them off or get involved in them because the distance makes it easy for them to keep things casual. Can’t you find someone local you can meet and spend quality time with?
And I agree with the others. Do not invite a total stranger to your home. To me that is not an innocent request. It is inappropriate . If he isn’t willing to drive home he should get a hotel room.
There should be books out there about common sense ..lol
Stefanie
A gentleman wouldn’t even ask that question.
Be very wary of this one.
Stefanie
I also would not offer to pay for any of this. You want to see if he’s serious first. And also, do you really want to get into this situation going forward? I met a guy online a few months ago and he drove 2.5 hours to see me… didn’t go anywhere even though we liked each other because it was just too much of a production to get together and would have had to involve hotels.
Maria
A guys is in his 4os and he can’t afford a hotel?
One week of talking and FB friends means nothing, he can still be not safe. but even if he is safe, this is not a thing to ask a woman after the first date.
But above all – why are you getting yourself involved in an LDR? They almost never work. Find someone local and focus on them. Do not even reply to guys who are more than 30 min drive away.
Julie
Update, I said that I wasn’t comfortable with him staying at mine and he booked hotel no problem at all, I was not looking for long distance he came up on my online search for some reason despite my miles selected search, My best friend and Godson who I see all the time lives 30 mins from him!I know that it was not a good idea him staying over and I appreciate everyone’s messages, thank so much x
Sensy
Safety is the biggest concern.. NOOO WAY! Saying yes anyway would devalue you(in my opinion) and set precedent. A lose lose.
Sensy
Well let’s see if he keeps the date. Good for you. Remember the formula for a man is how much she respects herself.
Kathy
I may have been foolish(or not).. I don’t know.. I have done this on several occasions when I was online dating. It’s hard to find appropriate men and vice versa for them. Several of the men had done this before also, and I can say they were all looking for something real and serious with a woman. I had gotten to know the men over weeks(or months) and checked them out every which way but loose… They were all gentlemen, all stayed in my downstairs bedroom and all were nice.. When a man is driving hrs or flying to meet you and you are trying to get to know you somewhat in a short period of time, I don’t think it is unreasonable. Depends on you setup, house, etc. also I guess. My friends say I was lucky.. I say I vetted them pretty well and they might not have always looked the same, but they did behaved the same…
Happy
And everyone thought Ted bundy was a charmer and gentleman too…
Laura
A stranger is sleeping under the same roof as you…that stranger us anyone he wants you to believe he is…
He’s the one agreeing to drive that far in…don’t ever feel guilty or feel the need to cater to that…he volunteered as much…he’s lucky you are agreeing to the date at all!! =)
My recommendation if you really do like him would be to meet halfway for a day date then part ways…if things grow in time with both of you contributing to the relationship then staying at each other’s places becomes more logical.
julie
I am pleased to say that he was the most amazing guy I have ever met! We spent some time together the following day and we spend xmas eve together! all good! x
Suz
Julie, LDRs can work, it just takes a lot of work, commitment, and the desire to make them work. It sounds like you found a potential keeper and at day’s end you both being willing to make it work is all that matters.
julie
PMSL…. I was just thinking I was in this situation a year ago and was going to reply and its my old post!!!!!!! Why has it reappeared after all this time!
anyway he stayed at the hotel and I saw him a again and he was a total twat so I got rid!!!
L
This thread is two years old
L
Thanks for the update Julie…at least you saw him for who he was and are able to cross him off!!!! Good luck!
Nat
Good for you!
what person would ask to crash on your couch after messaging for one week?
Another example of how NOT to get involved in an LDR. When a guy contacts you KNOWING you are far away, you should ask yourself WHY. And simply don’t reply to his FIRST message. And yet some many women willingly walk into trouble..
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