Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › First time I liked someone in 8 years- ADVICE Please ladies!!
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V.
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Krystal
Hi ladies. I hope you can calm me down a bit.. I’m newer to the dating scene. Was in a relationship from 16-20 then 21-28 (married & divorced). I am now 29 took almost a year to be single and figure myself out. I went on numerous dates- online and not. Well I met this guy from tinder.. (we had 2 mutual good friends in common). To make a long story short we went to dinner had a fantastic time. We texted- and I invited him out on Saturday since I was around his neighborhood with friends seeing a band. He responded with hell yeah he would like to meet up after work. He met up with my friends and its seriously 6 degrees of separation- friends of friends knew him, so everyone bonded well. The bar was closing he asked if we all wanted to come by his house for a fire they were tired and left. I went to his house we were talking- and then I lead things in one direction to another.. anyway.. I know it was technically the 2nd time hanging out.. (hopefully not doomed it). We ended up being together that night 4x it was great- he feels like my best friend and I have never felt that before EVER, not even in my marriage. We connect with everything from morals, snowboarding, jetskiing, cars, sports, you name it we are compatible we both said its weird we have so much in common. Well anyway the next morning we talked a bit then I left gave him a kiss goodbye. He texted some small banter that night, then the next morning I wrote a message that said I hope you don’t think any less of me that – that happened so fast. Radio Silence. Ok… I know he had issues with his phone, messaged him on FB saying hey I’m not sure if phone is having issues again and screen shot the message- I did this because he sent me a youtube link and didn’t answer the Q. he put haha apparently having issues then cause I never got those. Then he followed up and said he got out of the att store and should be getting messages now. Well that evening (yesterday) he texted some small banter.. but no plans to hang out again.. and no text today. I know you don’t have to talk everyday but I don’t know how this is suppose to be.. I don’t want to be needy. I know his next days off are Thurs/Friday. I guess what is normal for this point in starting to date someone?
Ann
Awh…..sweetie. Calm down. There is just one golden rule. YOU are the prize. YOU are the prize. Don’t initiate ANY further contact..you’ve done too much already. Let him pursue if he wants to, but there are many other guys out there. Date others. Get used to the single life. Enjoy your life.
YOU are the prize. Carry yourself that way.
Amy
Sorry to say but it sounds like you are already being needy. You needed to reasure him that despite sleeping with him on the 2nd date you are not that type of girl.
Hey, you had fun, a confident girl doesn’t explain or ask this, she just owns her sexuality. If you regret it fine, change your intimacy patterns, just don’t ask a man for reasurance.
Also, the not sure you got it texts, is quite needy too. Text once, you don’t hear back – live your life, don’t wait.
Follow Ann’s advice above.
Shanell
I agree with the advice above! I can say from personal experience, having sex on the firs, 2nd or 11th date doesn’t make much of a difference. It’s how you act AFTER the sex that makes the difference. If a guy finds you to be a catch, he will pursue. And also, if you guys hang again, that doesn’t mean u have to have sex with him on the 3rd date or any date for that matter. Just relax, take your time, and let things flow. And please stop focusing all of your attention on him, there are SO many guys out there. Keep with the online dating, set up as many dates as possible and just have fun. The right guy will be making the effort to stand out and win your affections.
Krystal
Thanks guys- I sent an ecard earlier in the AM that was a joke about
“Guys love it when I tell them I’m ‘bi’ on the first date. I let them figure the “polar” part on their own. a girl has to be mysterious after all… I put ‘this was meant for your exs’ @ 10:40aHe responded at 3:40 “hahahahaha”
He told me before he had an ex that was legit bi-polar. But apparently I just need to let it lay back at this point. Sucks. I don’t know my ex always called me and texted me to make plans and hang out- he was very clingy.. needless to say why it didn’t work out. I do really like this one and I know he isn’t the only guy out there- but he hit almost every nail on the head with compatibility . I just don’t know how to let it unfold naturally, not push it and not worry.
Reminder to self : I am the prize :)
Sherri
Krystal, right now the hormones oxytocin and dopamine are flooding your system and making u chase him. U need to take a step back and breathe. When you have sex with a guy, bonding hormones take over and bond the female to the guy. That’s the reason why I think u felt u needed reassurance and started the chasing. Now you need to take a step back and let him lead. As some of the woman say here, texting means nothing if he is not asking you out on dates. Do you want to be his text buddy or get him to date and woo you?
Remember:
High number of dates = High interest
Low number of dates = Low interestNow you need to take a step back and relax and do not initiate contact even if it kills you. I know you like him, he knows you like him. But use all your will power to exercise restraint. Especially if you want him to ask you out on dates.
Harley
Hi Krystal.. wait it out. If he wants you , he will call. if it’s any consolation I liked a guy for the first time in 7 years.. slept with him , never got a second date. Oh well.. still glad I slept with him ! But.. never want a man who doesn’t want YOU !
Krystal
Thanks ladies you are right prob about that bonding hormone.
Well after that 3:40p hahhaha text .. he messaged me again at 9:45 “what’s happening?” .. his work shift is 3-11p. I didn’t respond since I was almost asleep.Should I just let him follow up today?
You guys are so helpful
Sherri
I would not msg him today and see if he messages you again. But remember, if he is not asking you out on a date then he has little interest in dating you. If a guy asks me on a date to his house (it has happened many times), I tell them sorry but I don’t do at home dates as I bond better when outside doing stuff together. That either makes them step up or step out. Because very rarely asking over to watch a movie or for dinner means just that. It always involves making out / fooling around and sex especially if you guys have already had sex.
Juliette
Krystal,
8.5 out of 10 guys you meet will like snowboarding, jet skiing, cars and sports. Heck, 7 out of 10 girls like those very same things. I’m not quite sure how that determines compatibility?
Relax over this guy and I would also completely refrain from sending him emails or texts that joke about mental illness. It really wasn’t even a funny joke to begin with and far less funny when you reference his ex as part of the joke (unless I read that wrong..)
Just leave him alone and let him process his thoughts about all of this. What he decides to do is totally out of your control.
Hang in there.Krystal
Sherri I really like that response about not dating at home- thank you, we will see how it goes! That way I will know where he stands- and yes I will not text today.. I’ll wait for him to ask me on a date.
And Juliette it wasn’t just hobbies, it was morals, view points in life, both very laid back (well when I don’t worry). So it wasn’t just surface activities but other things as well. I just felt that comfortableness & just safe/protected I guess is a better word.
I guess that ecard could have been interrupted as a little harsh.. lesson learned.
Harley
Hi k…yes the e card was a step too far. I think it showed you laugh a little bit at people with mental illness. ..which shows perhaps you are not a nice person. .I KNOW you did not mean it like that. ..am just saying that’s how it could be construed. If I got a card like that. . I would not be impressed.
Juliette
Any updates?
Krystal
Update:
Before I begin.. Texting sucks with dating! UGHH..
I never responded.. he sent a message at 12:15 yesterday that said “??”
then are “are you not getting my texts again?”.
I wrote back ?? what do you mean? he responded with. “I been texting you and getting nothing back”.
Then he sends me a 30 sec video at work (he’s a cop so it was a pursuit).
Then I responded with omg that’s crazy- felt like I just watched an eposide of cops. he puts hahaha. I sent him a picture of a puppy that said should I? he goes awww no way your killing me! that’s awesome..some more texting blah blah blah then I send him a picture of the house i’m going to buy and the view (a pond outside the bedroom) and he goes hmm.. very nice- I wonder if there is fish in there? .. and then I said yeah well I need to go again to bring someone who knows something other than comestics on the a house.. (big hint hint for him if he wanted to take a look).. and he goes ahh your dad? I said no I can do more than him.. he goes hahah home inspector? I ended up just saying or friends husband I guess than home inspector.. he responds with Gotcha!!..
I didn’t respond… then 3 hours later he sends me a youtube link to a Rottweiler in the shower.. it was cute but I didn’t respond.
I don’t want a pen-pal I want him to ask me out on a date..
and nothing today! I believe today & tomorrow is his day off… sooo I have no idea
Juliette
I know it is hard to wait. But just wait it out. Keep busy and plan a fantastic weekend for yourself! :)
betsy
I to liked someone for the first time in 8 years but you have to back off…men dont like needy women and if a guy really likes you it doesnt matter on when you sleep with them. Your both adults not virgins.
V
It is clear to me that this guy is not interested in you the way you are in him, he is already in charge of the situation. Might be married or involved, ladies, sex or not on the first date, he should be taking you out few times a week. His place should feel like your home, your home should be comfortable place to be. He is definitely not ready for serious connection judging from his behavior, and most of all married to his job, not to be harsh on the guy.
Ladies, be in charge whatever you want from a guy, make him think he is, but it is so easy. They read the ….. as we do, probably more than us.
Good luck, keep your options open, if a man wants you he will get you and wouldn’t let you go. he will……we all know the rest. Be loved life is short. -
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