First time video call online

I think your gut is telling you he’s giving you a bunch of BS. From what you’ve shared he sounds creepy and a game-player.

You aren’t obligated to meet anyone, don’t feel guilty if you decide not to meet with him.

Julie… I’d give this one a pass. If a guy I meet online says anything remotely sexual before we meet, I’m out, end of the story. In my experience they’re testing your boundaries up front because they’re looking for an easy hook-up.

So he talks about your sexy lips and how he wants to kiss you, strike one two and three for me, but if you’re giving the benefit of the doubt, then let’s just call it strike one. You wanted to meet for coffee, he didn’t respect that and wants to meet in a pub. Strike two.

And his explanation for “don’t know yet” doesn’t fly either. Strike three.

I’m in complete agreement with Raven, mama and Maddie.

Personally, I’d throw this one back, he’s shown three major red flags already, but it’s up to you. If you do go out with him I hope you will be on your guard and not have more than one drink.

Two other things – I would not be telling guys you’ve been hurt and ghosted before. It’s too much information before you’ve even met. That’s being too vulnerable with someone who hasn’t yet proven he can be trusted. I stay away from guys who tell me they’ve been hurt because I’ve discovered it means they aren’t over it and I’m probably going to pay the price for the bad behavior of the last woman. Second thing… someone who talks a lot about honesty in his profile is probably not very honest himself.

My two cents – hopefully no one thinks I’m taking an OP too personally or am “exasperated.” FYI ladies – I’m on the spectrum so I don’t get emotional or exasperated really, I’m logical to a fault. And unfortunately I don’t have the eloquence and diplomacy with words others here like Maddie and Liz do, which I tremendously admire. I tend to be blunt and that’s why I often say, sorry to be blunt or something along those lines. My left brain runs my communication.

Coming to this thread late, but totally agree that a guy who makes sexual comments before you even meet is testing boundaries and looking for sex. A guy who genuinely wants to date and get to know you will be respectful. You should listen to your gut if this guy is making you uncomfortable.

Also totally agree with AngieBaby’s point that being overly vulnerable with a guy you don’t know is a bad idea. A guy has to earn information like that. He has to prove he’s trustworthy. Some guys could potentially use information like that against you, and try to manipulate you. So just remember, these guys you’re meeting online are strangers! No matter how comfortable you feel talking to them, you don’t know them. So be prudent about what personal info you share, until you’ve met them and gotten to know them a bit, and know they’re good people.

And on the flip side, also to AngieBaby’s point, it doesn’t give a good impression to the guy to reveal vulnerable stuff about your past too soon….it makes you look like you’re not over the past, and it could very well make the guy think he doesn’t want to get involved. Your first interactions with someone should focus on giving him a genuine but positive sense of who you are, and what your interests are. The baggage should be saved for later :-)

And AngieBaby– I always love your advice! You’re plain spoken and I know you speak from the heart. You’re always very clear headed and logical, which is something that posters need to hear. I really appreciate your participation here and I’m sure other folks do too.

Hi Julie. I agree with the others. Another thing about him wanting to go to bar instead of coffee, is to be aware that bad guys can drug your drinks/drink with Rohypnol, a so called date rape drug. Not saying he was planning that, but coupled with the sex/kissing thing he was doing, it is a possibility. Trust your instincts. Glad you are not going to meet him.