For those who need help with NC and letting go.

@ Clair I am sorry friend for what you are going through. You know we are all in the same page here, all full of questions and broken pieces but I am happy at least that you have taken the decision to move on and let go and that’s what you should do. I got a feeling that I will do the same thing one day considering my situation.
About Facebook…Facebook is a monster that has turned us all into stalkers which sucks. I do the same thing. It’s been a couple of days not doing it but I so much get tempted. You know?? It’s just not good to do it, not for the other person but for ourselves. It’s just hurts beyond meaning and it doesn’t change anything. It only hurts us and that’s all. It doesn’t change the situation and frankly I have no idea why we do it unless we want to hurt ourselves. We’re just crazy I’d say.

If his presence and the idea of him brings you negative thoughts and feelings then you know better than I do that moving on is the the best thing you can do. I really encourage you to keep moving forward and do not look back. it’s dead and gone now and it’s for the best. Hugs!! :)

Imena. …sounds like you have a good plan…try to get him to do phone calls and meet up.

Claire…sounds like you may be on the route to recovery. hip hip hooray !!

I’m still getting there…just taking one day at a time.

Jeanine. …let this guy go..stop Co tasting him. He is NO support when you most need it. good luck with treatment. put yourself first. ..and look after YOU.

Yep, just need to keep off FB I think which is super hard. It’s only that that is keeping me stuck, I’m 89% sure of it! It’s the worst thing invented for breakups.

I can’t stop myself from wondering how it will pan out between them. The odds are stacked against them. She’s in the forces and will undoubtedly have to go away at some point and he is coming out in the next month to start a civilian life. I can’t see why he’d come out to have a settled civi life to end up waiting for a partner who’s all over the place. He’s very alpha male and I just can’t see him being happy sat at home while she’s away six months at a time. The history is there with her breaking off the engagement several times too and the family are not a fan of her. His sister seems to almost be going over the top liking everything I post on facebook and ignoring his posts with her in it. It should certainly make for an interesting Christmas if he invites her to the family home!

I know I should invest time now in myself and healing rather than worrying about this. No one knows what will happen with them in the future. And I know if it didn’t work out I would reLly have to say no to him.

I know Harley, it’s embarrassing to say and I didn’t quite realise until you pointed out but I think I have become quite obsessed with their relationship and it’s just making me miserable. I know the only way to kick it is to stop snooping. I may have to get a friend to change my password as it’s too tempting and each time I look it totally depletes my self esteem and drags me down further when I should be on my way back up now. I’m not a bad looking girl with a lot to offer but seeing him with her as just knocked the stuffing right out of me and given my self esteem a massive hit.

The funny thing is your ex and my first ex can’t commit…so the current relationships will not work out… but the damage is done…they are not good enough for us now. With my German…He is not over his separation yet so again until he is…He will not hold down a relationship. ..I know he wants one though…..so there is future hope for him with someone.

you and I will get good relationships. ..and we’ll be laughing at those poor miserable sods …because they either ate alone or have settled for less.

as the song says ‘the winner takes it all ‘ .right now you can’t see you are a winner…but you are. You did not settle for less.

Oh. …I’m going to take my sweet time on next man…I waited 4 yrs for my German. …perhaps I shall not wait that long again . ha ha ha.its just… so few men actually interest me and turn m on. drat ! next time I’ll see through all the bullshit. . I hope !of course….they shall ALL be back in touch. Murphy’s law !

Well I am struggling not to just phone him but at least it is coming and going in waves. A little better every day…

I have made a plan to keep me going. Probably helps being christmas and things generally being busy (January is going to suck!).

So I have a date tomorrow night with an assclown. I have know him for years, he has seriously dated two of my close friends, cheated on them both, and so I know he’s an assclown. He’s been pestering me for a date for nearly a year now, so as he coincidentally got in touch again this week I have finally agreed, if only to get me out of the house. I am seeing it as a friendly thing and there will be nothing physical as I know too much about him to fancy him.

That will get me to the weekend. Then my friends are taking me out both sat and sun to keep me occupied.

Then on Tuesday (not sure why Tuesday, not Monday?) I am going to get Tinder back on my phone and GO FOR IT. It’s going to sting, a lot, if I log on and see that my ex was ‘active’ recently, but I have to get back out there so if I do see something like that it will hopefully push me on to forget him!

Then it gets busy for Xmas with nights out and stuff, I’ll be fine.

Then if, ONLY IF, I still care or think about him by then, I am going to text him on New Year’s Eve just to wish him happy NY, and as that will be over 30 days of NC. I am hoping he’ll just be a bad memory by then!

Hi Sass,

Yep Harley is right. My ex came back after two months – I spoke to him because he claimed to want me back. But in the end couldn’t face the music (I was still angry with him…and still am actually) and man up, he wasn’t doing enough to fight for me. I told him this and he cried off. I really wish he wouldn’t have tried to come back because I was well on my road to recovery and then he came and confused the hell out of me, which is pretty much still the same state i’m in now. He’s been seeing his ex when he tried to come back to me the first time and I had accepted he was with her and was just moving on. Now he’s back with her again and i’m aware of what a flake he is (as he tried to come back to me when he was with her before) it means I am totally confused. He’s with someone else but has demonstrated through his behaviour that he really isn’t sure what he wants and so i’m left in this shitty limbo state. Trust me, you don’t want to be where my head is at right now.

It’s upto you what you do, but speaking from experience I wouldn’t text him NYE, if he wants to hear from you at that time of year then he will be in touch. Why would you want to potential spoil what is supposed to be an evening of amazing celebrations with your friends because you’re sitting around stressing about why he didn’t get back to you…or if he does, analysing what it means. If you really need to contact him, i’d save it for another day when you have a clearer head. We think we’re ready to face them early because we want them back to badly – even if we think we don’t, after 30 days we are lying to ourselves. I was totally in denial. Harley kept telling me, but I wouldn’t have it at the time and went ahead and got in touch.

Here’s my advice…and if I could take it myself life would be a lot better right now. NO CONTACT, no Facebook snooping, no checking what time he used his whattsapp, no nothing for at least 90 days. I’d even go so far as to say do six months if you can. Just shut it all down and forget all about it. Six months is nothing It’s been nearly 6m since my own brake up and i’m still a shit state so it just goes to show it’s no time at all. There isn’t a quick way round this, only things you can do to make yourself feel better faster such as the above. I think i’dbe almost over it by now if only I would have done this myself.

You’ll make it through, we all will, hugs xxx

Well that was entertaining…I know i’m not supposed to be Facebook stalking buuuut…. some picture cropped up in my newsfeed of a mutual friend who had been over to spend the weekend with the guys at their military xmas do. There were tons of pictures on her page of the whole weekend. My ex with his ex/newgf. Sat here feeling proper smug, I have to say they don’t look particularly couply or ecstatic in any of the pictures. If anything they look more like mates to me. He also looked completely hammered in every single picture, even through the day. He didn’t look pretty at all, he looks to have lost a bit of weight too. There were pictures of her without her makeup on too and she really doesn’t look that fab. That mad eke feel smug too as she scrubs up really well and I’ve been comparing myself to her… but no, without makeup she isn’t a patch – even though i’m older than her I have the advantage of looking far younger and more radiant I would say! haha! That’s made my evening.

Yes Ashley……….it’s hard for all of us,but we’ll get through it.

Ha Claire…it’s ad what Fb can show at times !

I agree with the 6mth time frame actually. 6 mths after Mike, I met Frank..bam ! Over Mike.5 mths now since Frank……1 month since last text…………not over him at all………….but improving !

Xmas and New Yrs is a BAD time to contact ex;s IMO………..false promises can be made/wrong things said……… Everyone is in happy spirits/nostalgic with good intentions………drink or no drink, and means everyone the best.. then BANG……….January blues arrive.. MOST breakups happen in January stats say.

WHY wish someone good intentions /happy greetings…………that would NOT have contacted YOU. I thought the same…………..be nice to Frank.. stay mates, then I thought………..he never replies to my messages……………..so why am I wasting my time. He would only reply……..OUT OF POLITENESS.

jeanine…sometimes we never get answers…We have to make our own closure. my mate that I slept with said ‘ sorry …blah…blah..blah’….then the killer’ I see you sometime’ .err….I do t THINK so ! not until I’m in a good enough place to JUST be mates.

I just keep plodding on, trying to forget…and one day I will..you too. Just get through day by day. guys can’t handle illness at the best of times. You just get treatment and fight this. forget a guy that is NO support.

Guys mean things at the time. ..I.e…The good sex bit….then for whatever reason he decided things aren’t working for him with you and he decided to text you the other crap.

He sounds like a complete flake and you dodged a bullet. I know you can’t see that now….but you did. just keep moving forward.

Girls, I must say that I blew it!!! I texted him last night telling him that I cannot stand him disappearing like this again. I told him that it’s clear that his heart doesn’t belong to me and that I was sorry wasting his time. He replied immediately and said that why do I always try to add more stress when he already has plenty (he is having his exams this week and he is a great student so that means a lot to him). Then he said that he told me that he is going to be busy this week and doesn’t have much time. It is true that he told me he’s gonna study but it’s not that he studies 24 hours a day to not say “hi” or call me. Anyway, I told him I am sorry and that I didn’t know he had 3 exams yesterday. He said that it is okay and that it’s just his head his spinning around trying to get all the information in. I told him that he’s gonna do great and that’s it. We have not talked ever since. I’m not going to bother him. It looks like i am stressing him more. Maybe I just should leave him alone.