For those who need help with NC and letting go.

Yes leave him alone now. Let him move through this stressful period without any more to deal with.

I think it’s a good sign he replied to you (others may disagree!) but in my own experience I would not encourage someone I was completely done with by responding to repeated contact.

You may not have blown it at all …. It could be the kick in the ass he needed. time will tell.

@ Harley You think so? Cause I think by texting him that way, I made myself look desperate that why he is not reaching me, that’s why I mentioned “I blew it”.

@ Sassperilla Thank you! Yea, I don’t usually do that. I don’t text like 10 times if he doesn’t reply. I let it be. I just promised myself I wasn’t going to reach him unless he does, but I failed, anyway no point in beating yourself up. Now I know, no contact and that’s it, let it be. It’s just I still believe that no matter how busy someone can be, there is always a second to say “Hey babe, I was busy today so couldn’t reach you but I missed you”.

@ Sassperilla I am sorry he hasn’t replied. That sucks!! You know what drives me crazy? Why do they do it like that? Why do they disappear? Can’t they just say that it’s over and so we know that it is indeed. Why do we have to wait and see whether it is over or not just because they are weak to say so. I don’t understand. And on the other hand, it’s this thing that after awhile when you finally get used to their absence, they just pop up ruining everything.

I am not in a better situation either, you know? Cause I have no idea whether it’s me he wanna be with or is someone else. I don’t know. Time will tell but it’s so unfair being in that situation when you have to wait. By “wait” I don’t mean sitting around and waiting for a miracle to happen, of course you gonna enjoy life, it’s just it looks like they decide for everything, whether they gonna keep in touch or not, whether they want to commit or not, etc etc. It’s so unfair.

Hahahah, yea that’s right!! I do enjoy it, too! That’s the best part but after going through so much turmoil and pain. Of course after that it’s not worth it anymore. You can hardly trust someone who dumped you , or disappeared without a trace. How can you trust them again?

@ Harley It is exactly there where it sucks, that they disappear cause they do not have the courage to tell you so. Where is manhood here? Are they men or not? It just tells me they are so weak and who wants a weak man to be your boyfriend or future husband?

I am sorry for your German and that you waited four years for him. I know it’s a long time but I would have done the same thing for someone I love and if I thought it is wort the waiting. I really do believe that it’s worth the waiting if it’s gonna happen.

Thanks Jeanine……….I’m Irish……….a complete nutcase. I was a mess when I first came to this forum, but I’m learning ALL the time.

Imena.. I did not wait 4 yesrs ON my German. God, I’d never wait long for any man.NO.. Iw has been 4 years SINCE I last slept with a man, as I have not found one that interested me enough, then 5months ago I met my German ( a very old friend)…………lust/love at first sight………..SEX at first sight for him, ha ha ha. Stupid wanker ! I hope he never finds the sex as good again !

ha ha ha………….peas in a pod.

I think there are key things to look out for :

Don’t chase them

establish early on, do they want a relationship

do not sleep with them too early ( my mistake !)

build an emotional connection first( thought I HAD done this )

watch actions match words……..do they arrange dates, call consistently, Do what they say..not flake or cancel ( mine talked the shite to sex me into bed… in fairness I asked him……so of course he thought all I wanted was sex, then did not arrange to see me after)

establish boundaris… no sex, phone calls, not texts etc.

what are their values and traits.. re kids, money, family, friends, ex, career, happy, generous etc

give them space when they need it, don’t be clingy, needy, insecure, whingy.

IT’S ALL A BLOODY MINEFIELD !

And I should say that sleeping and giving all to him without thinking was a mistake for me, too, especially since I have always been careful about it. I just don’t know what happened this time.

I saw this in a fortune cookie when I was going through a bad breakup. It is good to remember, “He loves you as much as he can, but that is not much”
So don’t feel worthless or bitter. The guy is broken, not you. All you have to change is once you see a guy is broken, then move on immediately. It’s like finding a gorgeous designer pair of shoes on sale for a ridiculously low price and they look amazing on you… yet they give you blisters. You just have to throw them out and move on.

Harley, yes he got the sex , but not this time. I only slept once with him. He wanted to sleep when he was back in November but I set boundaries saying ‘no’. He told me he will be more active after this crazy season ends, he said we’ll Skype, he’ll call but we’ll see if he really meant it.
I got a bad feeling too that he might think I stress him and Im no fun (which is not true AT ALL) but I’m just assuming considering that he is already stressed out.
I know he will get in touch, just don’t know when but yea you are so right when you say you act like he is acting. If it takes him forever to text me then I’ll do the same. Usually when we talk or text it doesn’t take him forever to reply. He is really active at that and present. It’s just I don’t know what’s going on lately.Im not gonna dwell on this though, even though I gave my everything. It’s not worth the pain. If it’s not meant to be then it won’t. No need to stress over smth or someone you never had, it was never yours.

I didn’t mean the question marks. I don’t know where they came from. I’m using my phone to type, maybe that’s the problem. ????