For those who need help with NC and letting go.

@ queenbeetv Yeah, great analogy!! I feel the same, sometimes they love you but not enough!

Yup, crazy!! I meant to use emoticons instead and they turned out to be question marks LOL!!! I was surprised!

Carrie, trust your instinct! It’s telling you not to get in touch for a reason. Google ‘leaning back’ and ‘mirroring men’, I saw some great advice on this recently. If I can find the link I’ll post it. My ex told me if I would have reached out to him more we might have worked things out. They were just words, when I stated persuing him as he asked he ran in the other direction. I know we’re supposed to be in the 21st century but men still want to be the hunters going after a prize. You have to act like the prize.

Update on my situation..his mum and sister have just asked me to go Christmas shopping with them next week. I love them to bits and it’s been 5 months. I think even if it’s a little hard I should go. I value them so much, especially as they have been true to their word and remained friends. Love them to bits and seeing them would not be motivated by getting him back. I just miss them!!! So you think this is an I’m thing to do?

I’m feeling shitty today. I miss him so, even though I know this is going nowhere, I miss him so. I know I should keep strong for my own sake though, I know, but this doesn’t minimize the pain.

I meant he isn’t as busy as he says.

Carrie. ..exam
…explain I meant

I’m cool…..because I’m SICK of being treated like shite and wanting a guy who clear don’t want me. so am having a lot of pride and self respect t for myself and moving on. no poi t on flogging a dead horse and trying to for e a relationship. .and ultimately….I WANT a guy who man’s up…not one who just fuck me for the night . next guy had a to PROVE he wants a relationship….not just SAY it and sex me into bed. I know my self Worth. This German missed out BIG TIME on me !

You. …hang in there. nights ARE the worst when it’s all quiet, no one around d e cent frantic thoughts rattling round in our heads like some Diseased leper…eating away at us.

Hey Carrie, I’m not sure what your back-story is, but you have to look at it objectively and ask yourself– is he asking you to contact him so that he can be lazy, or do you think there’s genuinely an insecurity there because of how he is/ how you have behaved? Be honest with yourself though–

Sass was told the same thing by her guy and I believe in that case he was just being lazy because his attitude was ‘you want more communication so why don’t you just call me? Nothing’s wrong’. There’s nothing wrong in that per se but what’s wrong is that he doesn’t want to make the effort to try and fulfil her and that tells you how he is as a guy for her.

So if it’s the same as Sass, then don’t contact him. However guys can also be insecure too, especially if they are shy or more inexperienced. IF that’s the case, throw him a bone every now and then!

yams..Carries is the same poster from how not to be fwb thread.The carryon story for the past 6 mths .

yep Imena. ..I DO deserve better…So do you !

Yes, I know I DO deserve better,too. It’s just I don’t know why sometimes I wonder whether that guy exists.

@Yams. Yes, you are right. I need to focus more on WHAT I want, that’s so right. It’s just so much things are going on, due to some restriction I’m living in a place I don’t like and don’t enjoy, not many friends here either, situation at home not so good. I’m trying to keep as busy as I can to exhaust myself in order to not think or analyze much, but I have noticed that I need to love myself more and stick to my boundaries, but that’s my problem that I don’t stick to them for too long when I’m so much into someone and start to compromise with things that I don’t like with the hope that they will change with time due to some complexities that cannot give me what I want right now and maybe never will.

Sass I was speaking about this to my best friend yesterday. I told her that itt was comforting sometimes to know that if i wanted to go back to how things were, I could kind of pick up my phone and reach out to him and things would go back to how they were. She properly knocked sense into me. Reminded me that I was MISERABLE with the way things were. Why go back there? She insisted that if he never came around, I’d be happier anyway because with time and space I’d just move on. And I realised she was so right!

We can keep making excuses and blaming ourselves. I do it all the time. Find the faults I brought to the equation– and trust me there were PLENTY (practically all that I blamed him for). But that doesn’t change the fact that he still didn’t bring me enough.

And you have no idea how much i’ve struggled with whether or not to reach out because I do know that this guy is genuinely mild and clueless. He just doesn’t know what to do now that I’ve backed off from him. I tell myself that oh maybe if I reach out we can start talking again cuz it’s not that he doesn’t want me, it’s that he doesn’t know what to do. BUT THAT’S THE WHOLE PROBLEM! Until they figure out what to do and learn to do it, we aren’t going to be happy for anything more than 5 minutes! So let them figure it out.

Yams, exactly the same thing here. Until they figure it out what they wanna do let them do it. The guy I’m talking about is clueless,too. And you are right, it gives us only 5 minutes of happiness to stuck around then the rest isn’t as happy. I was un a difficult situation,too, and I dint wanna go back there if that’s all he can give me, and just like you I made PLENTY of mistakes but it doesn’t change the fact that he is not trying or investing in giving giving enough to work it out.