For those who need help with NC and letting go.

Harley, I know nothing will change that’s why I have stated in my earlier posts that I have to move on with or without him and not making it known for him like telling him that I’m moving on. It is important to build that emotional independence that with or without that person in your life, you’ll be okay anyway cause he can’t control you any longer cause you are as emotionally stable as it gets. It’s there where I wanna be.

@ Yams When I say clueless, I mean he doesn’t know how he feels about whom but whatever I’m done with him. It’s a waste of time and I’m moving on from him. I know it’s not worth the pain anymore. Yes, it was my mistake, BIG TIME, and I had a hard time trying to forgive myself for what I did but honestly , now, I don’t care what he does. I want to be in that point and be as stable emotionally that I don’t care AT ALL what he or somebody else does. I may say I’m not there yet 100% but I’m on my way and I’m better each day.

Harley I’m going crazy with all this. I’m a why person and he’s giving me all over the map answers. He keeps things open then I get excited then he shuts down and says he walks away with good memories. Then he sends me a picture of his thing. He says that he’s trying not to make dates and think of me crap like that. Yes Harley I’m trying hard to let go but dang he makes no sense at all. He says he’s hurting too. Yes I’m mad and on the break of tears. Either I’m one dumb woman or I’m just touch in love with this man. I know I need to delete all the emails text and pictures. Yeah I know I need to move on but it’s only been 3 weeks. I just wished I could turn my mind off and sleep. Still going crazy

Claire, I am so happy you didn’t think about him in the morning. I’m happy he wasn’t your first thought when you woke up. Ohhh, how I wish to get there. Thoughts of him still torture me.

It’s great you are reading that book and that is helping you. I wish I could forget,too. I don’t know how.

Clair, thank you! You’re so right again. I have to be patient and treat myself right. I’m just mad at myself for falling so hard for him even though I knew it was wrong. I don’t think he will ever come back on my own terms, to be mine and mine only. And honestly, I’m not ready to date someone else either.

Anyway, thank you for your advice. You keep strong and congrats cause you’re doing great!! I’m on my 4th day of NC and it’s still early to get used to it but it will get better with time.

Yeah, thank you. Now I can do anything I wan right now. You’re advice about finding myself first is right and that’s what I am trying to do. I feel like I was trying too much to impress him and I didn’t have to incest that much when he wasn’t committed to me. Anyway, yea it’s time to go now and let things be. I think we all need to focus on our bright exciting future cause we all have one and you girls gonna be fine, all of you. It takes time and it’s different for anyone, but at the end things go just they are supposed to, just as they were meant to. Sometimes it’s just not meant to happen but we have to be sure that either way it’s for the best.

You need to change the thoughts that are trapped in the sub conscious mind, and not the conscious mind. I read an article about this a couple months back, when I reached that point of being so tired of thinking about the ex.

I repeatedly throughout the day told myself I deserve better, he’s no good, he didn’t love me etc. Everything we talk about etc goes into our sub conscious mind, so the more we dwell on the nice times and how much we love them, so thoughts stay more dominant, and we keep sending them to the sub conscious. The bad thoughts as I stated above need to take priority and eventually those words will over power the sub conscious mind.

I kept drumming it into myself, and also every time the ex popped into my thoughts I’d tell him to fuk off.

It has helped a lot, and although I’m not completely healed yet, I’m in a much better place than I ever imagined to be so quickly.

I’ve had a bit of a head fuk this last two weeks as we’ve had communication, and he’s typically talked about wanting me back, but those thoughts I’d drummed into my mind are standing strong, and whenever I get a bit maudlin about the good times, the pub conscious mind is screaming at me ‘he’ll hurt you again, he’s no good, he hurt you etc’

I’m doing ok, and the more time I spend with my new guy the more I’m starting to like him. I hope old fuk face just continues to disappear into my thoughts as something that once happened. An old memory!

Its not easy to turn your mind off. When I was with the ex for 20months he was in my head all the time. That doesnt just stop when he left my life. For almost two years now he has entered my head at least every ten minutes. I cant wait for the time I realise he hasn’t been in my head for one day!

My ex was self centred. He’d admit himself he is a selfish man. I still miss him too. Some days I long for him so much it consumes me. Talking to him last week was healing in a way, but I also noticed that from talking to him my new found motivation declined and I was back to brooding in bed and being exceptionally tired again. He has this effect on me. A part of me also felt happy to have him back in my life even in such a small way. He felt that too as he said on the phone that from talking to me over 3 days he sensed he felt happier in himself.

We’re like a drug to each other. We make each other feel so good, yet also are so unhealthy.

Buttercup, at least you’re keeping in touch. I don’t think he will ever text or call me. He disappeared without a trace, not saying anything, identifying me with stress and negativity.

Anyway, I totally understand you. I can relate to that since this guy I’m talking about has the same effect on me,too. It makes us happy to talk to each other, we both love it, but it’s unhealthy. It’s toxic. I don’t know if I will ever hear from him again.

I’m afraid it will take me a lifetime to get over him if I ever can.

But the keeping in touch isn’t necessarily good. When there is no contact it is hard. SO HARD!! But contact messes with the head. It gives false hope. It makes you think what if.

When you’re not in contact you have no choice but to focus on moving on, and no choice to assume they are too.

I dont know what D’s game is. I’ve heard no more since Monday now. He says he wants me back. But what is he actually doing about it? Nothing! Has he dumped her? No. Has he tried to arrange a time and place for us to meet up and talk face to face? No. Has he put in any effort apart from texts and calls? No! What do his actions tell me? Everything!

I think he just wanted to know I was still there. So that if it didn’t actually work out with her I was still on the sideline as his second choice. Another option. The fallback girl.

I worried that contact with him would make me distant with new guy but it hasn’t, thank goodness. I went out with a friend last night and new guy and his pals were in the same place. He invited us to join him and his pals to eat at the same table. He brought up my art work on FB and was showing it to them, bigging me up. He didn’t let go of my hand. He kept kissing me. He included my friend in conversation. (D, over 20 months had no interest in meeting my friends). New guy told me his pals liked me, and were impressed. He acted like he was proud to be with me. He noticed other guys looking at me. His actions told me he likes me. And I like him. Really like him. I came away thinking I could actually fall in love with him.

As much as D still dominates my head and I do wonder ‘what if’ I dont actually want to walk away from new guy either.

So onwards and upwards!!

The guy I’m talking about is involved with another girl,too, and that’s the big problem. He said he wanna be with me but he is still with her. It doesn’t matter how crazy he acts and all that, what he says and all those words. What they are doing is nothing. Now this guy is having his final exams and has not contacted me. We even had an argument and he told me that why do I always have to add stress when he already has plenty I said I’m sorry but we haven’t talked SInce then. There is no point anyway since he is with her. Plus, I am not involved with anyone else so far and hr knows I’ll be here anyway.

Oh Imena. another gf… run, run, run, this guy is showing NO interest. Definately time to cut your losses like me and move on. AND…………..don’t be waiting for him.