For those who need help with NC and letting go.

It sucks. It’s holiday’s season. It was such such a “nice “surprise. I, too, hope he be honest. I don’t deserve this but I take on my responsibilities and I accept my mistake for getting involved in this shit. I’m sorry he didn’t see what we had and what it could be. His loss! BIG TIME!! It’s gonna hurt and there will be days when I’m gonna miss him but this is not worth it. You’re right!! They are not good enough for us. I’m gonna be okay. I love you, too. You’re a good friend! Thanks!

@ Sassperilla. Yes girl, of course THEY WILL MISS US and all the good times we had and what it could be but it will be too late or when they want to escape their lives cause they are weak to face it. But nahhhh, no way we be there for them. I’m glad you are chatting on Tinder and are making plans to date after Christmas. As for me… I’m not ready to go on dates. It takes me awhile to get over things and feel ready to go on a date. I need to spend time with myself. Of course you’ll look great on that dress, and you know why??? CAUSE YOU ARE.

Good woman Imena. that’s it. closure now. like us all…time to move on. I hope you start to feel a lot better now.

Yep, I feel okay. It wasn’t meant to be and no matter how much we like or love someone, if they do not love us back, it’s not worth it. We can’t make them to. He replied several times, saying I was hurting him, he is always gonna be there for him or that I am talking as if I don’t wanna have to do with him anymore, and that with me it was not an adventure but he wished he could have met me before and that I was closer. Bullshit. I didn’t reply.

Yep, they suck!! I don’t understand what makes him think that I’ll go to talk to him if I have problems or count on him after this? That’s crazy!! Of course he’s got some nerves out there, telling me I was hurting him. It’s all about him !!! That’s how selfish and self-centered he is. I cannot believe it. It hurts more cause he was my friend. We grew up together, respecting each other. I never thought he would treat me this way or put me in such situation and I can’t believe how messy and weak he is. He was my best friend. It’s weird how things change.

Molly – “It just sucks that he couldn’t be up front and honest with me, I believed in his character and I felt like I gave him an out multiple times…” – YES! Me too. Exactly this. How come they make out they’re these big men in the world and all assertive and businesslike, and then when it comes to it they are utter cowards.

If it was me leading a break up I would be clear about it from the off. I would answer their questions (within reason) and I would stick to it.

Instead of all this wishy washy statements and then ignoring you.

Hi Ladies,

Imena – I wouldn’t even let him know that you’re bothered. Don’t text him anymore at all – it just looks like you’re still hung up on it all. we know you are but he doesn’t need to know that. Let him think you are moving on and the best way to do that is no contact. He’s made his bed so he can lay in in! I’m in a similar situation to you with my ex getting back with his ex. I think these relationships are going to go tits and up and then the guys will be sorry about what they lost, BUT only if we walk away gracefully. If we keep hounding them with messages, arguments etc then it just confirms that that have done the right thing. The way to get to them the most is just walk away gracefully then they will always wonder if they should have left that super level headed lady who handled everything with class. We’re too classy for this – i head a quote that says “if he’s stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go”. I like it a lot! When all the hormones and excitement have died down with their new ladies they’re going to have to look at themselves in the mirror and figure out what the hell they are doing.

I’m still suffering with that sinking anxiety feeling every now and then but whenever it happens I just tell myself that it’s because my brain chemistry is messed up right now and I won’t always feel this way. It helps. His Mum and sister were texting me last night and we’ve said we’ll meet again in the new year. It’s a little sad I won’t spend christmas with them and the thought of being replaced with her is a bit upsetting but they already know her, and they know me and it’s clear to see who their choice would have been. I’m not sure if I’m more bothered about their opinion rather than his! haha! I don’t want to speak to soon but I can’t see it lasting. It has disaster written all over it based on history and current and future circumstances. I’ll give it 6m to a year tops, but who know they could surprise me. Surely the old problems are going to rear their head at some point, but I guess that shouldn’t be my concern. Hopefully I will be well on my way to moving on by the time that happens.

So i’m going on a date tomorrow night – going around the christmas markets! I’m excited. I’m going to catch the train so I can have a few mulled wines. I just hope this one actually comes off as the previous guys have flaked on me the day before – we’ve just arranged it now though, so hopefully we’re all set! Just trying to be open minded. I’m not desperately looking for someone but think i’m going to start enjoying the dating experience. It’s not like I have to start a full on relationship if I don’t want to, I can just start dating a few different guys! Play them at their own game! hehe!

Harley – hope the house is going well! I got some mortgage advice this morning and i’m looking to buy next year myself. Going to do some house hunting on the internet tonight!

Chins up everyone – we’re all in the same boat, yep the festive period makes it feel extra shit but no point being miserable, we’ve gotta try and make the most of it – what’s the alternative? :)

@Sassperilla Yup. Guys are, to be bluntly and unapologetically crude, pussies. They’re terrified of our reactions. While I still like him as a person and don’t have any malicious feelings towards him, I feel that he was too scared to be direct and honest with me. I don’t necessarily respect him less, but I feel like I’ve been idealizing him for so long, since he was the older boy I used to think so highly of, when the truth of the matter is, at 24/25, he’s just another college boy who doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings or anyone else’s. I could have been over this so much faster if he was honest with me when I told him to be straightforward and candid with me if he was bored of this and wasn’t interested anymore. I have this feeling that he is unintentionally stringing me along because he knows that he’ll miss me if he lets me go and regret it. He’s trying so hard to justify to me that he’s not the bad guy and that he’s not trying to string me on, and no, he is on the bad guy, but he is definitely leading me on because he can’t say, “I don’t want to do this anymore” or “Wait, I do feel the same way, but I’m not ready for this.” Instead he has to go on with this “I don’t know” bullshit.

Either way, I started seeing or entertaining the idea of seeing other people, although I’m not really interested in anyone and I guess if i have to be alone now, then I’ll learn to deal. I’m not necessarily going absolute NC though – he never hurt me, I don’t hate him at all, and I really didn’t want to lose the underlying friendship we had and have things be ‘weird’ between us (also we have like 1930409314 mutual friends). I just won’t actively pursue him or reach out to him, but if he actually is a decent person and wishes me a happy birthday, I’m going to be nice and say, ‘Thanks!’. But I’ll see other people, I’ll be friendly when he’s friendly, but I’m going to act like IDGAF, I’m not going to go running at his beck and call again and I’m going to tell him I’m busy if he asks to hang out (if he even does, he could be completely gone and running for the hills, but I like to think that he’s a little better than that).

I use Tinder for serious dating. No hook ups for me. (I’m too old for all that!)

So far the only contacts I’ve had are genuine people looking to date. I don’t get any weirdos??

Maybe it’s where I live, smaller population so not quite caught up with the London style Tindering yet!

Claire, I am not hanging on him. Yes, it is nice to hear good words and someone to per sue you but nahhh, I am not waiting for him any longer. This is over. I have had enough. I don’t know whether he will tend to text or call me again one day, but whatever he does it is not worth it. He is weak to break up with her or to face things when it gets tough so he escape responsibilities and does what is easy not what is right. I won’t text, NO WAY!!! If I make up my mind, it’s over, no matter how much I’m hurting. He has to come back on my own terms, if ever does and has to prove me that is a different person but I know that will never happen so I won’t stay here and wait for him any longer. It’s not worth it. I’d rather get drunk on my own loneliness than call or text or count on him.

I know your story and I know it hurts especially because of this season when families and lovers get together and we are meant to celebrate alone but you know?? It’s better this way than torn apart between yourself and these guys. It’s good to be with ourselves cause we rock!! It’s good to spend some time with ourselves .

your focus the end result. when you’re having a hard time just think about the process actually WORKING & focus on making yourself be in a good mood & that positive vibe of happiness within yourself reaching him. just try every day to be happy & focus on a positive outcome, & when he reaches out to you don’t tell him you miss him or anything like that just focus on being upbeat :) it works!

Ashley, you are right. I totally agree and that is what I’m gonna do from now on. I’m gonna focus on making myself happy and I started today. I took my first guitar lesson and LOVED IT!!! I don’t know whether he is going to feel the vibes since we won’t be in touch anymore, but whatever happens my happiness will be my first priority ! Me is all I got, in fact is all we got and it always gonna be what we all will have for the rest of our lives. If he ever reaches, of course I’m not gonna tell him that I miss him, that’s for sure. Thank you girl for your advice. It helps !

Harley, yes we will all be fine in time. I think first weeks are the hardest then it kinda gets better.

It’s hard to say Jeanine as everyone is different. From personal experience and what i’ve read from others i’d say around 2 months for you too feel more settled in yourself and to not care so much, but that’s as long as there is 0 contact and 0 cyber stalking