For those who need help with NC and letting go.

I wonder if someone can help me. I am currently going through the breakup of a marriage. we had been toghether 15 years, and he cheated on me & decided he didn’t love me any more. The thing is i love him very much still and i am finding it so difficult to handle. He is still seeing the girl he cheated on me with. I feel like i need to go NC with him to get strong, but we have children together. It kills me to see him orspeak to him but i find myself making excuses to do just that. Or wating around for him to call or text which he doesnt do. Help anyone?

Harley, do you think he will contact me someday? I know this is silly and I don’t wanna be with him under these circumstances. It’s just hard to accept that you lost. I think he won’t though cause he knows he hurt me and he thinks I’m upset so he won’t and won’t find the courage to. What do you think???

I am preparing myself, that’s all. I don’t wanna be with him, just wanna be ready if that happens but as you said I don’t need to know. It doesn’t matter. I know I will be always a rebound and I am worth more than that. Thank you Harley. You’re a sweetheart. Today is the fourth day of NC and from break up and it’s so hard. I cannot believe I stuck in that situation for 10 months. I’ll be okay.

Imena, I understand why you want to know that. I completely get it. I also know the feeling that you have lost a friend too.

It has really helped me to delete him from social media and my phone. I still have his business card in my filing cabinet so if I ever in the future want to contact him I can, but in the meantime the immediate temptation to check everything for activity every 5 minutes has subsided. It also means his name is not on my phone anywhere (it starts with an A so was at the top of every list!).

Try this – it really has helped me.

Also the way I see it is, let him go off and see what’s better out there. If he finds it, good for him. If he doesn’t then he’ll have had space and time to see what he could have had more clearly. Nothing dramatic is going to change in the next month or so. So if I still feel like I want to speak to him come mid-January then I can reconsider NC then. This gives me shorter chunks of time to wade through this, rather than thinking “forever”. Try this too. Think about people you are friends with – if you don’t see them for a month or two do they forget who you are? I recently had a girl add me on FB who I have literally not seen, spoken to or thought about for nearly 20 years – when she added me I instantly remembered her. So whatever happens in the next month or so, they definitely won’t “forget you”. That’s one of the fears that makes you continue to feel bad, so try and put that fear to the side.

As for coming back, well in my experience they all have. Even men I only dated a couple of times, old FWBs, significant exes, ones where things ended badly, ones where they ghosted on me, ones where I finished with them – no matter the circumstances I have always had follow up contact weeks, months or even years later. Some have genuinely wanted to make amends, some have been after a hookup, some have just been checking in for an ego boost. What I can say is that in every case by the time they have got in touch I have got over them and not been interested!! In every case.

I know it’s hard, I am in EXACTLY the same stage of this as you. I had a great day yesterday. Feeling sad again today. But not AS sad. Try to stay on the wagon! You’re withdrawing from an addiction! I PROMISE you time will heal.

My overwhelming feeling now is that it’s his loss.

I KNOW what I have to offer is good.

I am a nice girl.
I’m cute, funny, attractive.
I am independent, work hard, not demanding, not after money.
I adore my family and friends, I am kind and generous.
I am healthy, happy and love to life life well.
I have no baggage.
When I love, I love completely. I like looking after people. I am loyal and supportive.
I’m not crazy, not high maintenance, I hate drama.

HE WILL NOT FIND ANOTHER GIRL LIKE ME.

And I KNOW that.

So I just need to keep re-reading this, remember I am worth it, I have the good stuff to offer, and it is HIS LOSS.

Try reaffirming this with yourself, and your own offering, and remember that YOU ARE AMAZING. xxx

He will see it.

Men are so busy denying they have feelings that they fail to see what’s right in front of them.

What’s that saying? You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone…

Keep it up girls. We are all doing well. Ivy gave a great line on one of he rapists for even they come back. ..something along the Lines of ‘ hi. hope you well..since we last were in contact t…I’ve Decided I’m seeking a relationship. If you wish the same, pick up the phone and ask me out on a date. If not. .I wish you the best ‘

this shows you are confident, direct, know what you want and will no longer take shit….I can guarantee 99% of them will not try or reply. but…at least we weed the shit out and stop the heartache happening all over again.

Hi Ladies!

Oh we all sound in quite good spirits today! Yep…they all come back and don’t know what they have till it’s gone! For the last few days I’ve had this weird feeling I’m going to hear from my ex again. I don’t know if it’ll be any time in the immediate future but I just have a feeling he’s going to be in touch. It was all left too unfinished for him to not reach out at some point. Hopefully I’ll be telling him to bugger off if this happens.

My date went well…a little too well! We both got incredibly drunk and had a blast! It was a great night. I ended up staying at his as I missed my train but we did t sleep together. I told him that was not going to happen and stuck to my word. I did snog his face off though! It’s been a while haha! He text me yesterday. Heard nothing today but to be honest I’m not fussed. I’m really not ready for anything yet, a few cheeky dates and songs is all I’m up for right now. I’m not in the right place to commit to anyone.

Hope you’re all doing well…my ex is still in my head 24/7 as most of you have said but it’s getting easier with every day. Being single is starting to feel like the norm. Almost feels good…I’ve a long way to go but I’m getting there. :)

Yup. …you both sound great today. I’ve been crazy busy. just at office party now. ..bit No drink. boohoohoo. Everyone is saying how good I look ! I just keep smiling and saying ‘i know’. We’ll be fine girls . We all have each others backs

I put my email and fb details on the ‘solution to Consider thread. look me up ! You too Claire. gotta go dance. ABBA playing.

Hope you have a great time at your do Harley, let us know how the night goes! :)

Harley, thanks for sharing contacts. You’re a sweetheart!

Claire, just STOP IT, OK? STOP IT!!! He is gone. Your guy and my guy moved on with somebody else. That’s it!! Stop feeding yourself with hopes and expectations! It’s not worth it, AT ALL!!! I say this to myself,too, cause I, too, try to check his pictures on Facebook, but seriously, we got to STOP IT!!!It’s nit making it easy at all, it just makes it worst. Stay string girl! We are strong and we ARE WORTH IT AND WE ARE AMAZING. Why to lose all this awesomeness acting desperately about somebody?! Let them go. If they wanted to go out of our lives , we leave the door open for them. It’s THEIR LOSS. They fail to see what was in front of them, and what’s the point of fixating on someone who doesn’t want you?! It’s useless! You are doing great and you can do it!!

Yea, why would you care?! Claire, you cared enough for him, you still are. It’s time to let the man to rest. He is old enough. If he is making a mistake, let him do. After all, we all learn from our mistakes and that’s how we grow. Let him make that mistake so he can realize what was right and what was wrong. You won’t be there forever holding on to him, guiding him to the right things. Damn it! It’s not worth it, and it hurts as hell seeing those pictures. I saw one too, a couple of days ago, they were kissing. I felt like shit, like I died, I felt that feeling in my stomach and I got sick. Did it change anything? NO!!! Did it hurt him?! NO!!! It just made me feel so miserable and sooooo bad. We are so much better than this. If they were stupid enough to walk away from us, then we have to be smart enough to let them go, and frankly this is the time! Yes, we can do it together friend. That’s why we are here. It’s girls power. I love this quote. It says” A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is till you put her in hot water”.