For those who need help with NC and letting go.

Keep up the good work Claire. I.would block him on fb…If you really want to move on..you can always unblock in a few mths when you feel better..Mike blocked me and it was the best thing that happened. .He has unblocked me now. ..but I don’t even bother looking. There’s no going back for me….so why look..He still tries the odd bit of contact. ..liking my posts. ..posting to a mutual friend as soon ad I post to that friend but I ignore. Fb….had me obsessed. It is vicious. I have cut back a lot on how much I go on it….so should you. …ex that friends/unfriends/re friends. ..I wonder about ???? Sometimes it’s out if old times sake…genuine friendship…..Most times not.

Stay strong. I am fine. Ticking along nicely. I don’t want a man that doesn’t want me. Simple as.

Thanks Harley & Sherri!,

I’ve been really struggling not to contact him over the last 24hrs! I need a slap in the face. I’m just left so confused about things. If he would have walked away and kept walking then I think it would be easier to move on, but him coming back and saying he wanted to work things out has really thrown me and it’s making it hard for me to let go. How could he come back and say all those things about working it out and then turn around and walk away again. I know it’s because we had that row and he thinks I will never let things with him and the ex go. He kept saying “your head obviously isn’t in this” – which is wahat he did after the initial breakup – turned it back on me. And then his final text message was written as if he was doing me a favour “I’ll leave you alone and let you get on with your life”. I just don’t get it! I wish I wasn’t so confused. I wish we could have had a calm conversation without arguing.

I keep wanting to reach out for answers.

I just got broken up with last night. Need some insight as to what’s next. Need advice

Thanks Harley, I’m gonna try the NC,I know I can get over him,it’s hard and I haven’t cried yet,is that bad or normal?

I had the too far too fast too much chemistry situation, after 6 weeks he said he just wanted friendship, so we went to the movies as friends but he acted like it was a date (taking my hands across the table, stroking my thigh and holding hands in movie). I was so confused and called him out on it, he said he couldn’t help it but still only wanted to be friends. I instigated NC to help the chemistry calm down. I made contact after 30 days and he asked to meet that day, I was busy so left it to him to agree another day, a week later he text again asking to meet that same night. As I wasn’t busy i said yes, spookily the “drink” turned into a re-creation of our 1st date right down to him wanting to share the same meal (I declined that!) He spent the night referencing previous intimate times between us and suggesting a future for us. I stayed neutral through confusion! He said he would like to see me again. Hadn’t heard for a few days but I wanted his help with my car so I text him asking if he would help, he instantly replied yes and questioned what I needed. I replied…..that was 5 days ago and I have heard nothing since. Why do they play such games?

After the NC I was hoping we could start again, but slower this time, but his lack of contact after giving such mixed messages just makes me angry with myself for letting him get to me. NC and moving on I hope will be much easier now.

All reminders were deleted and thrown out last night. I keep telling my subconscious to mind her business,lol.. I know I’ll get thru this,distraction and healing is all I know right now. Thanks for the advice Ann :-)

Claire, I know deep down inside we HOPE they will see the light and cone running back to us, but you need to truly ask yourself is this the type of man what you had what you really want long term? I had to struggle with this too after a 20 year marriage, but as TIME passes it becomes easier and eventually you will think of him less and less.

You need some time to focus on you right now and although it didn’t work out, its OK, it just means someone better is waiting for the opportunity to meet you :-)

Here’s one for you girls. Let’s see if any of you can make sense of my crazy! Intro: meet guy/younger-too younger/know better per-sues *hard core* and boy is he wooonderful!!! Everything there, kindness, thinks of me when I’m not around, always texting me, buying me candy, telling me how beautiful I am,(even gave me a song!) Helps w/ laundry, plays with my kid, etc. This guy is almost too good to be true except the age thing. Well I establish from the get-go that he’s too young, I have serious reservations, and I’m not looking for serious. He concurs yet constantly vies for my attention/affection- can’t keep off me. Once I FINALLY let him kiss me-It was kind of on like Donkey Kong from there. And OMG the sexual compatibility was probably neck-n-neck the best I’ve EVER had. There’s no way he was so good and that young! Well long before I gave in and did the naughty with him- he was so intimate and he told me so much about him and he spent so much time learning about me and one of the things was that he said “I value your friendship”- he said he didn’t want me to think he was just after sex. Well after we have sex- he and I have a talk and he tells me he isn’t into sharing and I agree so we agree that while we are still technically single- we won’t be sleeping w/ anyone else. Like exclusive FWBs… Well he hints a couple times about ‘establishing’ what we are, and a couple times I give him the buzzer. Literally! “Mmmmmmeeerrrp!!!(buzzer)” Well to make a long story short…suddenly after a few days of intense sex AND lovemaking (he made sure to let me know that he was doing something different for me)…..he ghosts. Boom. Won’t return my texts or messages on FB. I make it known to him that he is hurting my feelings by being a jerk, but when he gave weak minimal response- I quit talking to him cold. dead. silent. 2 days later- he posts on FB that he has a girlfriend!!!! And to top it off- seems as though he did sort of the same with another girl when he met me-only I wouldn’t acquiesce to his not so subtle, implied desire to hold a title. Talked to the other girl and she admitted they weren’t actually together. Technically he didn’t do anything wrong because I told him no to a relationship. I just realized that I was more invested than I wanted to admit. And now he’s in another girls bed and it makes me CRAZY. I’m going on 2 weeks NC. It usually takes a guy about 3 to realize “Oh S#!+….she’s not calling. I miss her…” but, he has an easy distraction now. So what I’m trying to figure out is- did he really care for me but, his need to be in a relationship led him to *find one*? Or was he playing me like an out of tune banjo? (One more tid-bit that bugged me was- they already had “matching t-shirts that were obviously special made- granted that can be done in a day…3 max…still.) He’s very intimate and attentive by nature, but REALLY? That is borderline overdoing it….no…it’s overkill. Definitely overkill. That’s one step behind getting each other’s names tatted on your A$$es!!! Lol

hey ladies,

what a great thread! there’s nothing better than seeing women supporting each other.

just a quick question: what do you guys feel indicates more that you don’t care and you’re moving on; to remove/block your partner on social media or to keep him around and act like his presence doesn’t bother you?

Yep, I agree with Mel, you should be doing what’s best for you, not what’s going to have the most impact on him. You could waste all your energy posting pics, trying to make him jealous etc on social media and he might not even be looking at your profile, he could have hidden you from his newsfeed for all you know – what a total waste of your precious time that could have been better spent elsewhere. If you do things to try and get at him you’ll just burn yourself out and end up feeling stupid.

Today is my 15 day mark. Sadly i’m sat at home with a cold. I’ve ended up sat here feeling a bit weepy, but I think it’s because i’m not well and also it’s nearing the time of the month. I’m sure i’ll bounce back next week. I need to shift this cold as my final open water dive is next weekend and I won’t be able to do it if i’m unwell. I don’t want to push it back further as the weather is starting to turn really cold now! Argh! I must be mad diving in a lake in winter! haha!

I’m still struggling with the questions…

– Did he leave me for her?
– Did he never get over her?
– Does he still love her?
– Did he love her more than me?

I saw some more pictures of when they were together over the summer – he’s kissing her and has his arms around her on nearly every photo. None of our photos are like that. He looks so much more into her then he was me. I guess he must have been as he proposed to her.

I think I just want to know if i’m making this up in my head or if it’s real. I’m still processing it all and questioning what the hell went on.

Anyway, what I do know is that I deserve someone who wants to chase me and date me and who has me as their number one. I don’t want someone who has a complicated situation with their ex, which is really what he has I guess. If he wanted to work it out he would have been open about it instead of telling me it was none of my business what went on while we weren’t together. I can understand that, but if he really wanted to get back with me then he should have respected that I wanted to understand what had happened and why, and I guess his unwillingness to do that and to choose to walk away instead speaks volumes. He also told me I was too good for him. To me that suggests he knows his behaviour has been off. Maybe I hit the nail on the head when I called him out on it and that’s why he’s buggered off. It’s crappy flakey behaviour anyway. He didn’t step up to the mark.

It’s just sad because I feel nothing we had was real. While I was creating happy memories was he just thinking of her? I’m sad to think I waited all of 9months for this guy, but I was in love and at least I have shown how faithful and loyal I am even if he could not.

Thanks Harley, i’ll try the cold remedy. Yep, i’m just going to have to be kind to myself. It’s almost like i’m going through a brand new grieving process now as he didn’t stop contacting me until this point. So I guess I should be kind to myself and realise that although we’ve been apart for over 3 months this is a new stage and time for really letting go. This will be the longest we haven’t spoken for. My emotions of grief are still all over the place. I can be angry about it in the morning, want him back in the afternoon and then couldn’t care less before going to bed. I guess it’s just continuing to ride the storm until all these emotions have settled.

I’ve been chatting to guys online but I just don’t feel ready for dating yet. I feel somewhat deflated and I don’t think I can be attractive to anyone until I get my bounce back. I’m hoping I don’t feel like this for too long.

You’re right thinking is no good. I think wayyyy too much. My friends always tell me this. Everytime I drift off thinking about things i’m going to have to get into the habit of doing something to keep busy instead. At the end of the day, it’s only our own thoughts that keep us in this state. no one is making us feel this way but ourselves and I don’t want the pain to drag out any longer than necessary.

Claire, I’m totally with you!

Over thinking drives me crazy!

I’m two months into my split now, and its still in my head most of the time. The thoughts vary, from anger, and missing him, to hating him, back to still loving him.

This man has been in my brain continuously for nearly two years. I doubt 5 minutes pass where he doesnt pop into my head.

He’s been in there so long he’s taken up permanent tenancy I think!

The thoughts are no less now. It drives me insane!