For those who need help with NC and letting go.

Hey Claire, so glad to hear from you and to know that you are doing fine. That’s awesome :) Your wound is starting to heal. Great news from work too, and yeah life as a single is not bad. I feel the same way too.

I’m doing fine as well. I do not dwell on what we had anymore. I do have some small setbacks but it’s just a moment. I have noticed that I am smiling and laughing more lately and I am in peace. My heart is not asking a million questions like it did when he and I were together. Because I withdrew emotionally and isolated myself, lately I have noticed that I am spending more time with people and I love that, I am being me again cause I am such an extrovert.

I am doing things I want and I am being selfish as you say. I’m keeping my focus on my dreams and goals and people I love who are true to me even in this tough times. As you say, being in a relationship doesn’t even cross my mind right now. I just wanna enjoy my own life by myself. Relationships are messy and they hurt other people’s feelings and I don’t need that. I don’t need a relationship. I’m just fine on my own and I am starting to enjoy it.

As you say, I have also noticed that he and I cannot be a good match either. He is superficial and immature. He is inconsiderate and shallow and I am not. I am not saying this to trash-talk about him but yeah he is shallow and he doesn’t think how some actions affect his or other people’s lives. He just acts how he feels at the moment, without thinking about consequences, whereas I do. I do think about consequences of my actions. Anyway, so I am doubting whether we were a good match.

I have also discovered that I don’t need a man to be happy. In fact I don’t even want him. I can be happy on my own and thanks to my friends. I DO HAVE some amazing friends who are helping me through this. So yea Claire, 2015 is gonna be just awesome for us and we are on the right track. We gonna rock it and wonderful things are going to happen to us this coming year. I’m so excited for the journey! :)

good evening gals,
seeing u all r doing well really motive me. to be honest. last night i cried the whole night. i was emotionally drain and i cried so bad. i told myself how much longer i could stay like this? i couldnt. i shouldnt get unhappy becoz of him. he doesnt deserve my tears. enough is enough.
today i went out lunch with a colleague. the moment i felt happy, from my heart. having friends around us, as imena u said. friends! i admit i also had isolate myself before. i didnt want to get close to my colleagues or some friends. but after all this things happened. like last week one of my colleague told me he felt i have become a better person. i was happy when he said that. yes! we r becoming better, enjoy the present, like today. i didnt think of my ex. i put myself to enjoy the time with my colleague. the food. the weather, the company, the conversation. everything.

imena, u say this:
He doesn’t think how some actions affect his or other people’s lives. He just acts how he feels at the moment, without thinking about consequences, whereas I do.

i m totally understood wht u mean. he wouldnt know his action would discomfort ppl. is not his fault, is jut how he does things. like my ex. so i guess its true maybe me and my ex is not a match and thats y it happened like this.

clarie, i m glad u found yrself smile or laugh.more, i m also.

today after the brunch, on the way i was heading back to home. i txt my freind telling her i suddenly wanna cry. she said i need to become happy myself. or i need to find another bf. i told her i dun need anyone or anything happen to me to make myself happy. how can i put my happiness of somebody? nobody could do it. i know i have to pick myself up. i cant let myself to carry on like this.
this morning i replied to the txt msg to my ex which was sent 2days ago. i just tell him hope he had a safe flight and homed. he reply me he is all good, thanks.
even tho he left me, but i still hope he is good and safe. i know i shouldnt keep in touch w him, as is more harm then good. one of his txt could make me the whole day feeling miseable. yes, imena. i have deleted his phone number and whts app. but if he txt me i would still get it. i could block him. but i havent done that yet… i m making myself difficult. allow him to trigger my emotion! i shouldnt allow and be strong!
clarie and imena. how long u gals broke up w your ex, and how long did yr relationship kept?
in 4 days i will b flying back to see my family and friends. i m sure things will b much easier and better by the time.

I have been following this thread and want you ladies to know how happy I am that you are in such positive places! What a fabulous beginning to the upcoming New Year to be in a healthy happy head space and to embrace just how special the relationship we have with ourselves is. :)

I too think 2015 will be a great year!

Sorry for my typing, I’m typing from my phone and you know auto correction… It sucks!! Hope you get my point in my previous message anyway.

Yoyo, yea I know he will not contact me. I don’t even want him to. He broke my heart, he strung me along, he created such an image that wasn’t true and most of all he ruined our friendship as well and cheated on his girl as well. I don’t want him to contact me unless he puts himself together and be a man and mature enough to at least apologize but he will never do that and I don’t need a man like that in my life. He will never break up with her and he will never realize he was wrong.

By the way yoyo you can join me, Harley and other girls on FB.We’re there. My name on Facebook is Imena Imena, so twice.

I’m alive !

I was just over the country working on m new house.

I’ve had a mixed weekend. Thinking of him all the time.. perhaps it’s Xmas.

Am going out New Year’s Eve though…..so looking forward to that.

I’m battling on.. determined to get over him !That’ s great new Claire. and you too Imena.. deleting his details. BIG move forward.

Yogo.. you’ll get there in time.

Yes 2015.shall be OUR year!

Ha Ha,,, shame on us all for being idiots.

I need hitting over the head with a large baseball bat !

I felt like you.. then F came along and I did it all over again.. NOW.. I’m back to how you are feeling…………but I TRUST there will be someone there again !

We need to just keep focusing on going forward and forgetting these guys.

Going. ..going….GONE.

today.. I am being optimistic. .confident to not want a guy who doesn’t want me. to be disappointed he did not want me. ..accepting that I had a great time and the problem is him. ..not me..

We will survive this. happy happy Sunday.

I’ve skimmed the pages and feel all of your pain…I’m going on NC…again…

It started 4 months ago…I walked into a date (met on-line) and had no expectations or intentions other than to have a good time. Boy did I and I caught feelings in the process. So did he to a certain extent but he’s too jaded to let his guard down and show me his vulnerability. I broke it off a month ago, only to have him come back 2 weeks later (we’ve never gone longer than 2 weeks w/o talking to each other). Stupidly, I let him back in.

I can’t be mad at him though. When I told him I wanted a relationship and if he couldn’t give me one, goodbye…again…He told me, “I’m a mess right now, my life is a mess. It wouldn’t be fair to drag you through it, you will hate me”. Did I listen? Nope…like I was glutton for punishment I allowed him back in my life on the same note as before (a FWB situation although I wanted more). There’s no one to blame but me. The writing was on the wall, but I happily ignored it until I had no choice but to read it, process it, and accept it.

He’s not a bad guy, just in a bad place. No place for my love and I realize that, although it took me time, but I’m here. We have a connection and chemistry but you know the saying, “If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing: TIMING. But TIMING is a BITCH”. Who knows? Maybe we’ll run into each other when his life is more straight and we can start again? Maybe not? All I know is I have to move on. I can’t continue to put time and energy into something that is not fulfilling me like I deserve. It’s hard but I know I have to. And I have to have faith that is whatever is meant to be, will be. Maybe I’ll find someone better and look back at this and feel relieved that I walked away? Ugh….wish I had a crystal ball to give me answers!

I’m having a bit of a wobble to be honest.

Been ill since Wednesday, properly ill, and had to battle through two nights out sober and struggling with bronchitis. Then home alone to a cold house with no one to check I’m ok and still alive in the morning!! Melodramatic I know but it’s just another sick Christmas for me (I always get Ill at this time) and another Christmas alone – visiting people, going to the parties, going home, all solo, just as its always been.

Feel sad that a few months ago I had a tiny amount of hope that it was finally my turn for the happy ever after. Yet it was not to be. Just seems I must do something wrong or off-putting? Cos everyone else seems to managed yo have a successful committed relationship except me!!!

Urgh.

On top of that I still can’t believe he let this happen, that I was so fooled into thinking he cared. Then to just shut me down like this?

When will my luck change??

Sass, hang in there girl. We are ALL alone for Christmas, we are all dealing with the question ‘ WHY?’ but we also all know we can’t answer it. We just can’t cause its only them who know why they chose it that way and this only IF they are conscious enough to know cause there are times when they themselves don’t even know the answer. It’s hard as hell. None of us is in that place where we are completely over them, that’s why we are here, but you’re not alone. We’re in this together. Will our luck change?! YOU BET!!! And it’s gonna be better than ever before. Remember, it might be stormy right now but it doesn’t rain forever.

Apologies for the typos – I can’t edit posts on here, can I?