For those who need help with NC and letting go.

If I lived closer Harley I’d get stuck in and give you a hand! I love renovation work!

I haven’t heard a lot from d over Xmas but we’ve been texting tonight. He says he thinks it’s best we move on. He says he’s hurt too many people and I’m worth more than him, and he just can’t trust himself to not hurt me again because when he goes on a downer he just shuts everyone out. He says he disgusts himself with what he’s done to me, but that he never stopped loving me.

I’m so sad. I know he’s been a complete asshole, but he has this other side where a good man lives within.

My head is not only stuck on d though.

My friend who took ill last week has not left my thoughts. I cried for hours over him on Xmas eve.

Im used to the festive season being a shit time.

I put on a happy face for the kids but every year I can’t wait for it to be over. It doesn’t matter how hard I try each year to enjoy Xmas, there is anyways something negative dominating my head.

Relationship break ups, a man distancing, a family death, my best friends betrayal, my daughter nearly dying, and this year my dear friend having a stroke.

And that’s only the last 5 years!

BC , Harley is right. You should focus on positive, like thank God your daughter is alive, your friend too is alive, you do have amazing kids, you have a house, a job, you’re in a good health, you’re attractive, strong woman, etc… There is so much to be thankful for. I know it is easier to focus on negative cause it hurts but in order to fight against it, you should focus on positive. About relationship…. Well, it is not easy to find THE ONE. You will go over some people who won’t value you, who crash you down, people who think they love you, but the truth is they do not, but you have to get over all these people, they are not worth it. Do not entertain those thoughts!! Finding the right guy is one of the hardest task we have in this life and no one promised it’s gonna be easy, but it’s gonna be worth it!
We’re all in the same boat! It’s not easy but it is worth it for our own peace and health. You can do it!

So I don’t quite find a motivation doing a NC or should I actually do it?

I did a month NC in summer. He reached me out in the middle and asked how I was doing. I replied and ended the conversation.

Then I started to travel around the world. I suspended my US phone number and stopped logging onto fb, hoping to do a 3-month no contact. But I broke it after about a month and a half because his birthday was coming up. I called him using skype and wished him happy birthday. He was very surprised and asked if he could call me back after work. I told him this number wasn’t reachable and went back to my life.

After a couple days, he sent me a message on skype saying thank you for the birthday wish and it meant a lot to him. Then we started to talk. Sometimes a couple times a week and sometimes no contact for a week. I felt pretty natural. When I wanted to share something with him, I texted him and he replied. He also shared his life with me.

After receiving my postcard, he said he really missed me. It’s been about four months since we saw each other last time for twenty minutes. Last time he texted me was to ask me to visit him when I come back to the US which would be in another month. I thought why I was the one doing the trip instead of him, so I didn’t reply him.

Then I decided to go on another NC for three months. No matter what, three months. But I feel weird now. I know we miss each other and enjoy telling each other those trivial things that matter to us. At the same time, I’m fuzzy on what exact I want. I do like spending time with him and the quality is great. I daydream getting back with him. But when I received his miss you so much text, I remembered how much I didn’t like myself in that relationship.

Should I keep on this NC? Or just chill out and let things flow?

Does he always confirm ahead of time or just checks in on Sunday’s to see if you are still up to it? If you always see each other on that night, why are you now pushing him off?

I don’t believe you should have got on his case about not texting you. As Lane always says, texting really creates so many problems. I understand you felt he was backing odd, but it was the holidays. I’m thinking he never responded to that last text of your because it put him on the spot and he may have had no idea what you were talking about.

It would be best to gauge what’s going on by seeing him in person.

I’m not sure you are ready to seriously date right now. You are angry and quick to react. I was like this too after I broke up with sociopath. I got angry too easily, was always on guard, I was not a nice date. It took me a year of just floundering with men who I wasn’t all that connected to before I was in a better place. In fact my now husband said that he would have asked me out so much sooner, but felt that I had a chip on my shoulder.. Once he saw that part of me relax and change… He was quick to get my number and he was right.

I would never had been a good partner that first year after break up, I was too angry and needed time to sort my head out.

You still are not over the ex,,, and he keeps playing mind games with you, which you keep falling for. I believe his last antic of telling you that he thought it best to. Ove on, because he hurt you much was cruel.. He knew what he was doing. He spent 4 hours in person convincing you to give him another chance and how he would do these Lea orate gestures to prove it… Then a few days later, by TEXT no less, he all of a sudden can’t do that. What a dick.

Take care of you BC. Give yourself space and time to heal.

BC..keep trying to forget D….it’s complete mind fuck games he did.

re new guy….see how it goes. .It he steps up a bit. time will tell re the ex. just protect your heart.

Hi BC,
Sorry for being blunt. You don’t need a medium to tell u that… anybody who had their ex come back to them could tell u the same thing. That’s just experience. I am happy that u ended this mess with him quick.

Oh wow, 8 years is a long time. I hope she had said something good about ur future life. When u believe in the good thing, u are more likely to get it.

Aww, I love you too Harley.

No new years eve for me im afraid. My year to have the kids and in work at 9 on new years day :-(

My ex features in my dreams all the time. Funnily enough though, when I was with him I never dreamed about him. It’s only been since the split. But it does throw an air of sadness on the day I find.

I never dreamed of him when I was with him either. It’s always after the split. It sucks cause as you said the day starts sooo bad. They say give time to it and that’s right but sometimes you get impatient asking when is this going to end for good?! I know it will, but I wish it didn’t take a long time .