For those who need help with NC and letting go.

I know. But how can someone love you one day and message you every single day for 6 months prior and then the next day be so cold…unconcerned and indifferent. I thought we had something special. We thought we had something special. It’s so hard to beleive that he doesn’t give a single shit about me anymore. I just wish i knew what he was thinking. Prior to calling him I texted him to send me my stuff back and he never did…but he replied and said sure. So i dont know what is going on. He broke up with me but unfortunately Im the one left loving him and him hating me… Did I do anything wrong? Was I that needy? I feel like it is all my fault and right now I feel like if he showed any signs of interest I would get back with him even though I know i shouldnt. My feelings are so overwhelming sometimes but he hasn’t done anything remotely close to seeing how I am since we broke up… I know its over….it’s painful. Its hard to see there being a light at the end of the tunnel…I try to stay optimistic about it all but I can’t… I feel like I’m lost. I dont want to fall in love ever again because Im never taking the risk of going through hell ever again.

Hi banana
I know it’s hard to believe that this will get better…..don’t be frustrated wondering what he is thinking. Who cares what he is thinking. Stay on this thread….when I first got on this thread…I saw no hope in feeling better. I was sooo in love with my ex I could not imagine living my life without him. He was a jerk and broke up with me a day before Xmas eve….I was devastated. But Harley, buttercup and a few others helped me. Being on this thread helped me like you have no idea. Ventilate here what your feelings are.,,we will help you through this. I know this is hard…but remember we all have gone through this and we have moved on and you will too. Just stay busy. Absolutely no contact with this guy. You will fall in love again….I know you will. But you have to go thru the process of letting go which involves soooo much pain. Hang in there I wish I could be with you to give you a hug…..

Suave.
I can’t thank you enough for your kind words. I’ve read this from page 1 to page 38 and everyone seems to feel better each day-day by day. I’m keeping myself busy. I know I will see him again at the party and who knows how I will feel down the track in a months time. 2 weeks away from Valentine’s Day…it’s daunting thinking of another year without anything from anyone LOL. but I’ll keep posting here. I’ve been writing a journal everyday from Day 1 to Day 29 now with how I feel about him. I’m going to post it on a blog of some sort so girls can read and relate how they are feeling. I think that will help others and myself.

Lynn. I’m sorry to hear that. It’s a hard time and its normal to grieve. I watched some videos on youtube which were comforting. It is by “Wong Fu Productions” and its called “After Us” and “Stranger’s Again” and its normal to cry. I cried everyday for a week and cried intermittently there after. It’s normal. all normal.

Without going into great detail: I’m doing No Contact on a guy who isn’t currently willing to take things any further.

Rules are: if he contacts me with an expressed desire to talk about our relationship, I will respond. Otherwise, I have to stay strong. I’ll check in when I can.

Here goes:
Day 1 of 60

Today was horrible. He left my stuff on the porch and texted me to tell me it was there. I didn’t reply. As im typing this he just texted me “can I ask you a question” and I said “sure,”…he asked why I unfriended him on fb. I hate this. I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest

I replied “Bc it’s too hard,” and he said “alright.” We used to text like, all day every day. And we’ve broken up before and he always sends I miss you texts. Not this time. Bc I guess it’s really over. I feel so alone.

Well that didn’t last long:

Day 2/60 – he says ‘let’s just be friends’

I say Absolutely No Way, Not What I’m After, Thanks, but No Thanks: goodbye.

It felt sort of empowering, to be honest.

Clock resets:
Day 1/60.

We are in LDR and agreed on texting every day at least but it’s been two days that he hasnt contacted me, so I’m trying not to contact him at all …it’s hard though

This thread does make me feel like I’m not alone after all.

It has been more than 2 weeks since he last contacted me. He asked for a cooling off period/break which did not specify how long will it last. I’m in a LDR with him and things have been going very well for us. We have been together for almost 5 years.

One day I was discussing with him about a meet up in march and at that time, he was recovering from a slight fever and cold and he said he did not want to think about it yet as it’s still long until march. I got very sad as I wanted to see him in march as it will be our 5th anniversary. Then I was saying why does it feel like I’m a burden for him to make effort to meet me.

Then he went on and question if it is good for us to be so far apart. It’s actually not that far.. Just an hour flight away or 5 hours ride away. He started to say that he feels something is missing but he can’t tell what it is, so perhaps we should stop contacting with each other and reconfirm our feelings. He said that he knows it’s hard and that I need time to understand myself and adapt.

I’m really confused as he said this will not be the last time we’ll be having a talk. And he said we shall keep in contact until we both know what we want for our future and soul mate.

3 days later, he texted to see how was I. I told him life has been hard and I thought of it and know what I wanted. He felt I’m just rushing my decision and he said he’s not setting any time limit as he wants us to take our time to think through. He went on to ask me to enjoy being single, cause he said technically I’m single now and I can do something that I always wanted to do. He also said he doesn’t feel a difference with being single or attached as he can’t just ask me out whenever he wants to.

I got very heartbroken and I told him if he feels happier without me I will let go but if he still wants to work on it, he’ll have to allow me 2 more years to move to his country. He told me he doesn’t know and it shouldn’t be like a negotiation. I told him maybe he can find someone that can fill his missing part and he told me that is not important now as he is still thinking about our relationship at this point. So he’s giving me mixed signals and left me hanging wondering if he is gone forever or he will be back.

He said he sometimes feel selfish and feels that I will be happier without him and that he kept questioning how sure I am that he is the one for me or the suitable one for me. And he even said I can be happy now cos technically we are still dating. But what if we settled down, he questioned if I will still dare to say he is the one.

I don’t know why is he thinking so much and I’m very lost but I feel if time is what he needs, I will respect his need. But how long will this no contact be? Everyday is like a living torture to me and even though it has been slightly more than 2 weeks, I still go to sleep with tears and wake up feeling depressed and heartbroken. Although I have been keeping myself busy with work, whenever I’m left alone, my mind starts to think about him.

What should I do? I really have the urge to just send him a msg and ask him what does he want but I know that might just push him further away. I feel I just need an answer now.

Poison….5 years is a long time. Ask yourself this question…. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that you’ve been with a long time and all of a sudden he doesn’t know what he wants or he’s not sure he wants you? If he’s behaving this way NOW…how do you think he will behave when you are married. This is very telling what he did…,he is showing you what your future will be like….a lot of uncertainty……anxiety you don’t need in your life. If you don’t hear from him wanting to work things out……Stay No Contact and Move On. 5 years…..and all of a sudden he doesn’t know now what he wants? Yuck….I know it must hurt….and I’m so sorry. One question?.. During those 5 years did he ever mention marriage or moving closer?..I’m wondering why after 5 years you guys haven’t made an effort to move closer to each other?

Poison – sorry to hear you’re hurting so much.

If he’s a practical and honest sort of guy, instead of an emotional guy – if he’s said you’ll talk again, he’ll have probably put a date in his diary when he’s going to contact you.

Men on the whole aren’t so creative as us womenfolk:
– It may be today (1st of the month).
– It may be the dreaded V.D. (do not want to write those words)
– It may be an exact amount of time from the last time he contacted you (exactly 4 weeks / 30 days / 60 days)

Don’t build up too much hope, but from past experience, I’ve found if you contact someone around day 41, they’ll at least acknowledge it’s been out of order for them to go NC for so long, and will either cease the NC or ask ‘for a couple more weeks’.

Good luck with this but use the time to work out if you really want to be with him, too.

Poison
Lets suppose you wait until April, you talk to him face to face, but then he lays on you the worst fear …..he wants to call it quits. YOU my friend will be worst off.. If he wanted you he would of called. He would of at least said, give me more time, or something like that. But he hasn’t contacted you. I know this hurts and you don’t want to hear this. What’s so special about this guy? Have your past 5 years been sooooo stress free? Did he give you anxiety, stress? Or was it all wonderful?