For those who need help with NC and letting go.

Hey ladies,
22 days in right now and it’s brutal
I need words of encouragement.

Far out Khadija 22 days must have been so hard! They do say that 30 days is the best amount of time to not contact but I don’t know how ppl can do that! Did you and your bf agree to a certain amount of time? Sorry you may have commented on my thread I find it hard to keep track of who’s who.. Be strong and be proud that you have gone this long. Try to focus on you now and how your life will be without him and how you are okay without him.

Ruth,

Thanks so so so much for that; it was very encouraging and helpful to me. i had a sit down with myself and literally talked to myself about everything, how i can’t change the problem, i can’t change his feelings, and i can’t even really understand my own feelings and desires right now, so all i can do is be patient. i’m somewhere in between angry and sad and hurt, but it truly an indescribable feeling. It’s been only a week since i told him to not talk to me anymore, and it was the hardest week; i was crying and having fits every now and then because i was so upset.

i am seeing a counselor on a weekly basis and so far it’s helping, but i will have to start going to a therapist who isn’t affiliated with my university because the counselors there don’t have availability for me anymore, which is hard for me all over again.

today was probably the easiest day for me to get through because i kept telling myself “if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen” and to just be patient. i still check my phone for a text from him; every knock at my door i hope it’s him. i hope it keeps getting easier and the hoping for him to come back will subside.

for anyone on here who is in my position where you’re actually HOPING to reconnect with your ex eventually, i’m with you on this, and it’s hard to accept the fact to just move on, even when it seems impossible. i believe it’s possible, but as for me it’ll take a long, long time.

I need your support ladies…I’m having a real hard time. WTF is wrong with me? I’ve posted here before…A brief history: dated for 3 months, had the talk, he wasn’t ready, I walked, he came back and told me he needed to get his life in order. We picked up where we left, got in a tif over something stupid (I had the tif but he didn’t stop me), I told him when we started talking again I would let him know when I was ready to date others. Didn’t talk to him for 2 weeks after the tif and texted to tell him I was moving on. No response.

I broke down and texted him 2.5 weeks ago. He responded as he normally does. Small talk but nothing after that.

For whatever reason I CANNOT get this guy out of my mind. It’s been 6 months and it’s as if my feelings just continue to grow for him, even without the communication. And it’s not like I’m not trying to move on, I am. I’ve been on a handful of dates and have one lined up this weekend.

I have been fighting the urge to text him daily. I miss him. I know I made my share of mistakes, and I wish I would have handled things differently. Not to dismiss his role in all this, he’s not innocent.

A part of me wishes he would just tell me it will never work. Maybe then I will move on if I heard him say those words. But it’s like I know we connected and had something good with potential. So I’m holding onto the possibility of things working out. I know it sounds foolish but it’s as if my love for him has not faded the least bit. I still feel as strongly today as I did 3 months ago. All he has to do is knock and that door will open again….kinda scary knowing how much power he really has….good thing is I don’t think he knows he has it like that, but he does….UGHHH…I hate this!!!!

Thank you Khadija!!!

Now I’m a logical person but I believe in following your gut feelings. Right now I am torn between knowing this is the guy for me in my gut or is it my pride that doesn’t want to let him go? I go back and forth arguing between that we are meant to be together…I can feel it…..to me telling myself I need to let go, which I haven’t been able to. It’s quite frustrating.

And I agree with your list. This last time he came back, he bent over backwards convincing me that he wasn’t in it just for the sex (things prompted that convo). But TBH it’s so good with him, I will fully admit that the sex is one of the reasons I kept HIM around. lol. I’d like to think he reached out to me because he misses me just still wasnt in the right place to give me the relationship I want. Who knows though? I could sit here and come up with a thousand excuses. At the end of the day, it still stands that we are not together nor are we talking.

I am a firm believer in whatever is meant to be, will be. I just wish it would happen sooner rather than later.

I feel the same way Lenore. My ex and I were always expected to end up getting married and growing old together (even now people still think it’ll happen) and i so so so wish it does. We’ve been broken up for over a year now, but only in the last 2 months did the relationship actually end. He felt things would never be the same and he didn’t exactly tell me he wasn’t intending on dating me anymore, so I was led on and it really, really hurt me; however, a part of me still tells me he’s the one. I’m trying to tell myself the same thing, that if it’s meant to be it’ll be, and for now i can’t change how things are. I miss him so much; he was my best friend, but leading me on also severed that part of the relationship. I hope to hear from him soon either via text or by showing up at my place, but it’s a long shot. everyday feels like I won’t hear from ever again, even though before NC i told him i hope we could be friends later on, but i just don’t see that very much anymore.

Well Ladies I made 30 days of no contact. I’m glad to report that. Although some moments seemed painful and dreadful, I made it through. I had time to write, go out with my girlfriends, go to yoga, hit the gym, and just be at home in my pj’s watching the hallmark channel.

As for the guy in question, I’m happy I dumped him. He just wasn’t a good match for me and I needed the time away to see that. No, I will not ever contact him and hopefully I won’t be hearing from him again.

I’ve decided from here on out he is nothing but a distant memory to me. No dwelling,or wishing I had done this or that. However, I will take a lesson from it. I know now that I need to really slow things down when I meet a new man, don’t spend too much time with him, date others to keep the balance and my options open, and just enjoy dating without all the expectations.

To any future women who read this, life goes on and you’ll be just fine without him. Hugs and kisses.

Hi all . I was seeing a guy for a few months and thing we’re going ok. Then he tells me he only wants FWB , he said that he should have told be.. How can you forget that. I thought I could handle that. It started off slow. Then he started coming over more regular army. We spent 2 night a week together, I started thinking things might change. Anyway 9 months later he has now told me that he is in contact with an old friend that he was seeing for a short time after his marriage broke up. She wanted a relationship he didn’t. That was a couple of years ago apparently. But he wants to see where it goes with her.. Talk about feeling like rubbish waiting to be thrown out.. So no contact for 3 days now. . I want to contact him so much. This hurts , I feel bad he thinks I am disposable.. My fault for going forward with it all…

After my break up with this guy, I go no contact for 3 weeks he send messages and ring my phone but didn’t entertain any. I hate the feeling because deep inside of me and with all honesty I still love him very much, I missed him. But the fact that he broke things with me and remembering the bad things that happened instead of thinking of all the good times we spent together, it helped me to pursue the NC and I replied with one of the message and says hello. That’s all. But until now I’m still hurting but lesser than the first day after break up. I also want to get the opportunity to ask you ladies, if dating someone is okay, and the guy you are dating likes you so much but on your part, you are just dating him because it helps you not to think about your ex.

I hv been in NC for a month and today he came reminding me of my emotions i had for him.

I am the WORST with this. I can be so strong in other aspects of life but am a complete weakling when it comes to sustaining from texting or liking something of his social media. I suppose this is a reflection of my desire to be loved and get attention from this one person. I feel pathetic. He hasn’t responded in about 2 weeks now, although one of our last conversations consisted of him telling me very politely how great I looked. I don’t know why he completely stopped talking to me and it’s driving me insane. I want answers but I know contacting him again is a mistake. I need help. I don’t want to unfriend him on social media, and I can’t really because my site is tied to work and he is an important contact. Help me not be an idiot!!

omg… it looks like he’s starting to date a slutty 21 year old. He’s 36. Yep, that’s gonna drive me bonkers. I think my NC is soon going to “delete from social media” mode. I can’t ignore how upsetting this is. I need a life, haha. #facebookstalker

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