For those who need help with NC and letting go.

@ Harley Yea, distance it’s a huge disadvantage but you are right. It doesn’t change things if they really wanted us. When someone is in love he would break his neck to be with you or me, but they chose not to, like we are not worth that much. This guy I am talking about sees me like I am being negative but the truth is I am not. I am just being realistic and just stating my priorities which apparently are not the same as his. Other things are more important than me and he went no contact. It’s been three days now we do not communicate and it sucks but I am not planning on bothering or chasing him. If he wants to go out of my life he can, and if he comes back my priorities will always be the same.
You are right. I do have guys who chase me but I am not interested in them at all. I don’t even feel like dating. I just wanna be my best self again cause I feel like I have lost myself in the process, giving so much time and energies and emotions to this guy, I just have to gain myself back. I hope this 54 year-old guy will help you get your mind off this guy you love. I think he was a German, right? I think you were in the same situation, dealing with a relationship in distance if I am not wrong. It’s so hard but yea if they wanted us they would have been with us right now.

Yea, it might be a start. Go for it! Who knows?! It might help you or at least you can have a new friend and get your mind off of your German. I like artist and it is great he is a professional piano player. I know you are not in it but a drink it’s not bad. Enjoy the time spend together, even as good mates :)

Yea for sure, we both want guys who want to be with us. That’s right! I am not replying if he keeps in touch and justifies himself like he always does. I am not lowering my priorities and he knows it cause I am worth it, whether he keeps in touch or not.
I am trying to stay busy, taking some guitar lessons, hitting the gym, volunteering at the community, teaching at school, so I can keep myself busy and exhausted to not think or analyze cause they are my worst enemies.

@ Harley Yea, I try to get busy. I was not that busy but I am trying to get as busy as I can lately so I won’t have that much time thinking about this guy but focus on me instead. Hahhaa, thanks friend! Yea, that’s the attitude. Of course there will be shitty days when you feel so lonely and maybe even like crying but those days won’t last forever as the time goes by. Sometimes, I feel like time doesn’t really heal things completely, but you get used to your new reality even though you still have memories but they do not hurt anymore, you enjoy your present.

You did??!! You cried down the phonen at him over your German!! LOL,that’s a GOOD start! :p I’m excited to see how it goes :) Let me know! It is getting exciting!
Thanks for liking my last paragraph. :) Yea, we will be fine with time. I hope thanksgiving is going great for you or that this guy will make it more special :)

Thanks! Yea, moving on time for both of us. We do not need toxic things. They are poisonous. Have a great day!!

Claire.. you may never know. YOU are doing great. Just keep plodding along the way you are. he’s probably gone back to her………….. because she takes his shit.

It took me 9 mths to get over my 1st love. One day I woke up and realised I had not thought of him ONCE the day before. this TOO shall happen you. It just takes time.

Make your own closure.

Thanks Harley, I think I just want it all to happen too quick now. I just wan him to fuck off out of my head so I can get more constructive things done. My house has been like a reflection of what’s going on in my head with stuff all over the place and i’ve been so lazy with things that i’m usually on top of. I’ve let a let of other things in my life slide due to this breakup and If I don’t pull myself together and start picking up the pieces soon it’s going to become a mess. I’ve booked the week after next off work for the sole purpose of getting organised. I just hope I don’t spend it being lazy on the sofa instead! It’s evenings and weekends when I have no plans that are the worst.

I was supposed to go a couple of dates recently and both guys flaked out on me the day before. I don’t know if they can sense my reluctance or something because I actually just didn’t care. I was supposed to go on a date last night. We made plans on Tuesday and then he just didn’t contact me. I was going to spend last night choosing an outfit, false tanning, shaving legs etc but by the time it got late last night I knew he had missed his chance and decided to do what I want and just flop into bed instead. I decided if he did contact me at the last minute today I was just going to give him the brush off. A similar thing happened with a guy I had been talking to daily for around two weeks. He seemed really funny and we bounced off each other in our messages – then a few days before we were supposed to meet he stopped contacting me. Maybe i’m giving out signals that i’m not ready without realising it.

Imena, everything you say is so true. Thank you for your advice. It is only me that is keeping me trapped in this state now, analysing it all, like you say. I can’t change him or the situation so I have to try and change myself and stop analysing, be in the moment and move on. I just can’t stop Facebook stalking either!!! It’s not good. Even if I block him I end up unblocking him and he has friends with open profiles. His Mum and Sister are on my Facebook and they have said they really want to stay in touch – I just don’t feel right deleting them. I have hidden their newsfeed stories for now, but i still look now and again. This can’t be a compulsion that is out of my control! I need to crack this habit. I didn’t look for two days, felt great – then looked and felt crap again so that should be a lesson to me. I’m going to have to put something in place where every time I get the urge to look I count to 10 and question whether this will make me feel better or worse. I can and have to do this now for my own piece of mind. I know some of you will shout at me for still checking fb and you are totally right. I’d block him but i’d rather have him able to see my profile and what he has lost while I remain strong and don’t look at his.

You’re right Harley! How can we give one person so much power, there are over 7 billion people in the world and to give one of them so much power over us is just ridiculous. This is how stupid it is…the last time I contacted him I managed to get all of my housework and shit together based on the fact I had had a text conversation with him. I thought that was a sign that he was good for me, but in actually fact he wasn’t there with me sorting everything out, I did it on my own. I just believed I needed him and therefore could only be productive when i’m with him. How the hell can that be true though? We are strange creatures with bizarre behaviour.

I’ve just read your posts above. Crying about the German, will you think less of me if I have a giggle at that! That’s brilliant. Totally like something I would do, id probably save it for the first date thought, get totally ratted and end up crying in my wine. A sure fire way to never see someone again! haha!

OOH yeah……… crying ! am blaming it on time of the month !!!! And YES………..I had visions of doing it on the 1st date………….at least it’s over and done with NOW ! We’ll see………if he’s brave enough to come back !

Yep, I’m with you on the ‘throwing a good thing away’ part. I was going to say men are stupid but i’ve thrown a good thing away too in the past, we’re all capable of it. Karma has certainly had it’s way with me after I threw my good thing away – i’ve been cheated on and dumped ever since and the one that got away is happily married, living in Australia with his beautiful wife and dog and training to be an airline pilot. Silly silly me.

Time definitely brings clarity. I have this quote as my screensaver on my phone right now “Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear” I think it sums things up perfectly. I think a year from now (or I hope at least) I will think that he wasn’t right for me too. I can see it already, my feelings just haven’t caught up with those thoughts yet.

Well make sure you let us know how it goes with the new chap and if I manage to stop scaring men away and get a date i’ll let you know. haha!