Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Found love in a hopeless place
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Andrea
Met this guy on a Caribbean vacation I took with a girlfriend a week ago. He is a local to the island and was working one of our excursions. Somehow I mentioned I was single and he let me know before getting off that he was interested in me. I gave him my phone number after he mentioned we should hang out, and that he could show me around the island. I agreed because I haven’t dated anyone, let alone touched a man, in almost 2 years,and thought it could be fun. (Background I’m a 30 YO woman who has been in long term relationships but in the last 5 years of being single, I haven’t met anyone worth taking serious and am growing discouraged. I’m also not a causal dater and fun has never worked well for me but figured I’d try)
The first time we hung out was a Beach Walk that night that I met him. We talked a lot, we did make out, but I didn’t sleep with him although I could tell he wanted to. The next day we went to a sunrise, we did end up sleeping together, then went to breakfast and the beach. I was interested to see if his demeanor would change after sex but it didn’t, he was still as tender and romantic as ever. That night he tried to see me again but timing didn’t work out so we couldn’t. The next day was my last night on the island and we saw each other again. That night we went and grabbed some ice cream, took a stroll on the beach, and just talked a lot. We did sleep together one last time and then we said goodbye.
The hardest part for me is that no one has treated me with that much care, tenderness, intention in so long that it gave me a glimpse of the kind of relationship, or maybe affection is a better word, I’m looking for but haven’t been able to find. Everything was so natural with him, the way we held hands, the way he was always checking on me, guiding me wherever we went, and the conversations, haven’t talked that deeply with someone in years. He mentioned us seeing each other again one day but the reality is, he can’t come here due to visa issues so really I’d have to go back and visit him.
But now that I’m home, I just feel sad. Sad because I know it can never exist outside of that vacation. Sad because now I’m over thinking everything and wondering how many girls does he do this with, was it as special to him as it was to me, just so many things that in the moment I was afraid to ask or say, because I kept telling myself it didn’t matter. now we’ve been texting since being back but it’s definitely not the same. Don’t think he’s a great texter or phone person in general, definitely a more in person kind of guy. I don’t know if I should just make a clean break and stop talking to him or what, but I don’t really want to. We haven’t talked about what this is or where this could go or anything, so I don’t really know what we are doing.
Has anyone ever gone through this, and if so, how do I have realistic expectations of what might happen? Do I ask him where he sees us going? As I mentioned, don’t think dating seriously is actually a possibility but will admit I would be super sad to know he moved on tomorrow and did the same things with someone else. Help please :(
Raven@Andrea, Enjoy it for what it was, a great vacation…
Any expectation of this becoming more is unrealistic.
You might want to get an STI test within the next month.
KayaIsn’t this the opening from 50 First Dates? Adam Sandler’s character slept with the tourists all the time? You had a nice little vacay fling. So what. Just leave it at that. Casual and fun don’t work for you so don’t do it again.
Ewahe probably does it with a lot women, hope you used protection
TammyI had gone for a short vacation with a couple of gfs. On the first nite while walkin along the beach, we saw a handsome man having a drink alone. My gfs dared me to go talk to him, like a bet. So i did. Incidentally it went so well we hung out and well it was a grt holiday fling. We both felt it ended too soon. He was there for a holiday fr few weeks. I returnd aftr 3 days. But we kept in tch via texts. But it was so much fun i went back aftr a week and we hung out for 1 full week! It was a perfect holiday romance! Sun beach drnks gud food and lot of loving. When the holiday ended and i returnd, i got back quickly to my routine and that was that.
No regrets. No sadness. Just had a great time. We were two very difrnt ppl with difrnt life styles. But had grt chemistry. I knew it wld nvr work so didnt even try. He did express a desire to meet me in my city on his way back home to his country. But i said no lets leave it at that. I still hv our pictures frm the holiday and do think abt it at times wid warm and happy memories. No regrets at all .
Liz LemonI think your realistic expectation for what will happen is nothing– you should enjoy the experience for what it was. I’ve been there, done that too. In my case I spent a couple weeks in Mexico on holiday, and spent more time with the guy than you did (he was a local friend of the person I was staying with). We stayed in touch over phone/text and I went back 2 months later for 1 week, to see him again, and it wasn’t the same at all. It was awkward in fact, we wound up having a disagreement and “breaking up” (if you can call it that) after a couple of days, and I finished my week’s holiday without him. I’m sure many other women here have had similar experiences.
Try to keep this in perspective. You spent two lovely nights with this guy. But you don’t know him. Anyone can be sweet and romantic for 2 nights. And the fact is that yes, guys like this do this with many women. He has honed his skills, if you want to put it that way. I’m sure he genuinely enjoyed your company and had a nice time. But it was 2 nights. You can’t base any kind of future on that. Not to mention you have massive differences in culture, background, and probably education, etc. It’s very difficult to sustain relationships with those kinds of big differences even under the best of circumstances, in-person.
There is a huge element of fantasy to this and that’s why it hurts so much. Again, it’s totally normal to feel this way. Be gentle with yourself but be realistic. You mentioned you’ve been discouraged with dating– tell yourself that this experience proves that nice guys are out there, and it’s possible to feel this chemistry with another guy. In my opinion I think it would be better for you to do a clean break with this guy, just so you don’t shut yourself off to dating locally. I think if you keep in touch with him it will keep you attached. If you were less emotional about the experience and just saw it as a good time and nothing more, I think staying in touch isn’t a big deal, but not if it will keep you emotionally caught up. Sorry this isn’t what you want to hear!
KhadijaThis we a great vacation and you had a fling. Leave it at that.
He’s probably done this countless times, hence why it felt so natural.
In any case don’t over think it, but do get checked up if you didn’t use protection. -
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