Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Found out he has a girlfriend after hooking up?
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Ss.
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Faith
So I’m 22. Made a Tinder to meet new people as I go to a predominantly women’s college & taking four summer classes. Met a 23 yr old guy on there last week. We matched and the vibe seemed to be well. He wanted to meet, and I told him I would be free on Wednesday.
We then hang out Wednesday evening. It was cool as we watched a movie and just talked. Towards the end, he started making advances. I told him I was a virgin bc he wanted sex. I also asked him when he was single and last tested. He told me he’s been single since Jan and got tested in Dec. Anyways, we made out, I gave him a BJ, and he fingered/touched me down there. We then made plans to meet next week.
So the next morning, I decided to search his Snapchat name on Twitter. Lord and behold, I found out he has a girlfriend. I went on the girl’s page & they were multiple pictures. I was so shocked as they seemed to be dating since 2018. I confronted him and he really said: that’s my girl best friend, I’m single. But if it makes you uncomfortable, I understand. He then unmatched me and I removed him on Snapchat. He still watched my snap story. I was so upset & couldn’t focus at all yesterday.
I remember he made some weird comments, which are now making sense. He asked if I condoned cheating & that he would only do if it the partner is emotionally abusive. It’s all making sense. Some of my friends were telling me to inform the girl, but I am scared for what that would entail. I did keep a screenshot of the confrontation just in case.Lorax
If he’s truly out of your life, then IMO it’s better to leave it alone and move on.
If he continues to try to contact you, or a few weeks later contacts you looking for some “benefits”, then you can use it as a threat to make him go away for good.
If you do try to tell her, then you might save her from a bad guy. That would probably feel good. But there’s also the chance for blowback. You won’t have control of what happens after you tell her. You don’t know her state of mind. It’s possible she would blame you for the cheating and want to make big trouble in your life. (Or the guy might gaslight her and tell her that it’s all your fault.)
So be careful, if you tell her, it might get messy. Think about whether you want to deal with the mess. Personally, I wouldn’t want a part of any of that. You’re in college, you have other things to deal with. It is lousy to think that the guy might “get away with it” but you’ve learned lessons and you’re ready to move on.
I’m sorry this happened.
Newbie
Forget about his gf. Think about yourself for now. You had a homedate with a guy you never seen before and not know. After roughly one movie he started to made out, you believed his words he got tested and gave him a bj. God seriously if you put yourself in this position with guys you know nothing about, you really need some safety lessons. This is really a lesson in how not to date, ever
Raven
On Tinder looking for ‘friends’ really?
cupcake
Don’t tell the girlfriend. You ll gain nothing from it and most likely the girlfriend either won’t believe you or even blame you. Chalk it up as a crappy experience and move on.
I would block him just for good measure, just to make sure he is out of your life.Dont beat yourself up over it. This is just life. It sucks sometimes but its a learning experience. I agree with Newbie that you should try and be more careful when engaging/meeting up with people online. You really never know who is on the other side of the screen. Vet a little better next time. x
Ss
I dated a guy for 3 months and he asked me to be exclusive… then i found out he is married! I chose not to tell his wife. I feel like she deserves to know but i didn’t want the drama or to be blamed. Selfish but i put me first. I blocked him on WhatsApp but he has repeatedly tried different ways to contact me since December…. the whole my wife doesn’t understand me cr*p.
Chalk it up to (sh*t) experience and move on xx
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