Friends and relationship talk

I think you’ve posted about this before?

Ask them, then why do you put up with _____ from your guy?

It’s a really good question and I don’t have an answer. I ended up losing a very good friend because we didn’t find a good way to deal with it. I hope you find a solution.

You could have a very frank conversation with the people that are doing this, give them a chance to redeem themselves, then go from there. Sometimes people don’t realize they are doing that gloating thing and when you point it out they will try to curb it.

You could also (if you are having relationship issues) talk to a therapist/counselor instead of relying solely on your friends. Maybe their reaction is a sign they are tired of listening to your relationship woes. Maybe you have patterns, maybe you don’t listen to their advice, maybe you’ve worn them out… I don’t know. Nor do you. I don’t mean that to be hurtful, but maybe take a look at your own part in your interactions with them. Do you think you’re missing something in the mix of your reactions to their behavior?

Again, I hope you find a solution. Communication is my best suggestion. Good luck my dear. :)

You are trying to figure out an answer you just don’t want to face. The answer is to find better friends. Period. (Haha thought there are a few half steps I include below…) As you get older, and if you practice self love, it won’t matter how long you’ve known someone or what your history is – if they don’t make you feel supported and “real” discussions don’t take place – only judgements and competition – you’ll find you have less energy and less time to give them in your life.

What I consider a half-arse answer – is to ACCEPT them for whatever it is you’re telling yourself they give you and expect the snarky comments and competition and no longer be upset by it because you KNOW that’s how they are.

Close intimate relationships with friends are akin to romantic ones in that – we can’t change people. We can only change our reaction to them. I recommend standing up to the snarky comments and see if the women giving them will realize you won’t take it anymore and treat you with more respect. But my experience has been – people like each other in the roles theyve made for each other over time and only rarely allow you to set boundaries and change the dynamic.

as usual T from NY is spot on….

type of person you would want in your friend circle,

Maybe they aren’t so much gloating as they are inconsiderate or lacking self/situational awareness. Neither makes a good friend sure. But sometimes people want to be positive but are awkward or dont know how so they end up coming off self-absorbed like that, so I try to give the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. Not to mention a lot of conversations are really just monologues that have relevance to what the previous person just said… than an actual conversation where people are attentive and sensitive.

Truth is it is human to be hypocritical, and so people give hypocritical advice all the time. Even me who tries hard to have integrity and more values than vices. I suppose as long as someone’s aware of it, that’s what matters?

I dont think there is a diplomatic or clever way to deal with something like this. It’s probably best though to not call them out on it when your annoyance is fresh (easier said than done). Maybe if you structure your words around trying to genuinely understand how/why your friend has this double standard instead of belittling them for it, I like to think the outcome would be constructive

* Only have really good friends