Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Friends sleeping over
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Sienna
Is it normal for a guy I am seeing to have his ‘friend’ sleep over when she is in town? We haven’t exactly discussed our relationship yet but I asked him about his weekend and he was like ‘yea my friend is coming and she is staying over for the weekend, cheaper than a hotel’ so I am a bit confused. Call me old fashioned, but is this something normal?
Tallspicy
Yes, normal. Truth time, she was here before you and women who ask men to drop female friends are usually insecure. there are women on this board who will tell you to tell him to have her stay elsewhere. Those women are insecure and do not get that anyone can cheat on you anywhere. And that healthy people have friends of the opposite gender. Since you are not exclusive yet (do not know how long you have been dating), it is none of your business anyway. He might be dating others anyhow.
So, assuming he is honest about it … which he is, then let it go. Might be an extra bonus if he introduces you to her or tells her about you.
She can’t be much of a threat if she lives elsewhere anyhow.
How long have you been dating, if it is more than 8-12 weeks and you are not exclusive, you won’t be. And is he consistent with you? Asking you out and slowly escalating your time together?
Raven
Are you going to meet her when she’s here?
kaye
I can understand how this would make you uneasy. But I also see that neither of you have discussed the relationship so that makes me think you aren’t exclusive and he can do as he please. I guess my question would be whether this is a true friend or an ex girlfriend or woman he has had sexual relations with who are now just “friends.”
When I first started dating my husband he had several female friends who were exes from many years ago. As I got to know them I could see there was no romantic interest there anymore but it took me awhile to get comfortable with it.
I would see how he acts. If he’s still calling and texting you in her presence and not keeping you a secret from her then it’s probably legit. However if you don’t hear from him all weekend while she’s here and he doesn’t offer to see you or for you to meet her then I would take a step back.
Khadija
It his place and he can have whoever he wants over.
Men can have platonic friends of the opposite sex.He could have easily not told you but he was upfront.
Let this go.
Andrea
The fact that he didn’t tell you about his intentions up front, and seek your approval first before deciding, means he views you as someone he’s seeing casually.
Has he set up a time for you to meet her?
You say you two haven’t yet discussed your “relationship”, but are you sleeping with him already? I would be embarrassed and hurt if a man I’m sleeping with treated me this way.
Paige
My best friend since the day after Labor Day, 1966, is Mike.
I have two other best friends: Rick (1967) and George (1969).
When I suspected I was pregnant, I developed a major kidney infection, when my fever was 105 degrees. I was sooooo sick and my husband was working third shift, so Mike and Rick took turns staying with me at night. I slept on the sofa and they slept on the loveseat so they could hear me when I needed them. They got me off the sofa, took me to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, helped me sit down on the toilet, helped me get up from the toilet, pulled up my pants and tucked me back into the sofa. They made sure I forced fluids and took my antibiotic on schedule.
I can assure you that I could sleep at any of their houses and nothing would go on.
Take this part out of the equation. If he’s an asshole, it will show up in other ways.
(I trained my best friends to be excellent husbands. Maybe this girl will do the same for you. :) )
Liz Lemon
There are a lot of nuances to this situation, as folks have pointed out:
1. You are not in an exclusive, committed relationship, right? So you don’t have grounds to have an opinion on this issue. If you’re not exclusive he can do what he wants.
2. People have platonic friends of the opposite sex all the time. It doesn’t mean there’s anything going on between them.
3. He didn’t lie or try to hide her from you. But is he going to introduce you? Are you going to hang out with the two of them?I can understand why this makes you uncomfortable but at the same time, it seems you lack clarity on where you stand with him (are you casual?), which is the real issue here.
Sienna
Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply, I’m so glad I got to see it from a different perspective.
As for his friend, she arrived yesterday but he kept texting me which was a relief because you know if he disappeared I would have been concerned.
He didn’t offer to meet her, but that’s only because I was flying to Paris for the weekend and had just canceled my flight due to the corona spread. Anyway, I am staying in the city this weekend so let’s see if he will.
Either way, we haven’t discussed our relationship yet which might be the main issue here, I guess.. I probably should discuss it but guys never like this conversation ughhhTallspicy
Andrea,
This man is NOT treating her poorly.
We do not know how long they have been dating. And he told her about it, as he is allowed to have house guests if he wants to.
And even if they are dating a while, he only owes her to tell her it is happening, not ask for permission. He is a full blown adult and either there is trust or there is not. Women’s insecurities are not a mans issues. They are hers to own.
The best outcome comes from: have an awesome time with your friend, sweetie.
A cheater is going to cheat and there is nothing you can do to control it.
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