Friends with benefits vs dating vs relationship

Hi Kristi,

Exclusive sex does not a relationship make. Meeting up is not dating.

A date is when a man:
Contacts you and asks you out
Picks you up and takes you somewhere he has planned
Pays
Takes you safely home.

If you are meeting up – he does not pick you up – he does not plan and take you somewhere – he does not necessarily pay – he does not take you home.

A relationship means there are feelings involved from both parties – whether it be a friendship, parent/child, lovers, married couple, etc.

Exclusive sex does not have to have feelings involved – it means you don’t bed anyone else – that is all. Exclusive seeing each other is not a relationship either since there does not have to be feelings involved.

No matter the definition the important point is he does not want to have feelings with you. Is that acceptable to you?

I think FWB and dating can have different qualities.

There are FWB who are strictly sex. The only contact made is in the interest of having sex.
There are also those who want to be more like friends (like what your guy described). You can hang out and if agreed upon, only sleep with each other. This is the “having my cake and eating it too” approach IMO. He doesn’t have to take you out or commit to you but he gets all the perks of a relationship.

Then dating, dating can be seeing multiple people or seeing one person. In dating you can make the decision to be sexually exclusive but it’s still not a relationship. It’s not a relationship until both parties agree to be committed to one another. That’s my current situation. He takes me out on dates, by both our choice we are only seeing each other but could see others if we chose, and we’ve agreed to be sexually exclusive at this point, however, he is not my boyfriend, we are still dating.

And relationships are two people committed to each other. Friends and family know you are a couple. You are emotionally invested in each other.

“That being said, he wants a friends with benefits type deal but I think that this is just his guard and he has been hurt before”

NO, THIS IS NOT CORRECT, HE WANTS A FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS JUST LIKE HE SAID, EXCLUSIVE OR NOT HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP, MEN MEAN WHAT THEY SAY AND YOU CAN’T TWIST IT TO FIT WHAT YOU WANT OR THINK HE WANTS, OR THINK HE MEANS, OR WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE HIM TO MEAN. just because a relationship is defined to you one way does not mean it is defined to him that same way, so when he says he wants FWB then regardless of how that seems to you, that is exactly what he wants FWB.

Second this is borderline insanity to attempt to define a relationship with a man that you havn’t met. But if what you are doing is trying to determine if it’s worth to meet him then if you want an FWB game on, go for it. If you want a relatinoship and are trying to think he wants it too then this is not right, he really only wants FWB and wouldn’t say that if he didn’t want it.

This is NOT my “field of expertise” per my experiences lol, but I’ll give it a shot…

I think it’s almost impossible or at least VERY hard to “Define” what each of these terms means and their differences because people have a very different view on what a relationship, FWB, Dating, Exclusive, Casual dating..etc. means to them. And a lot of times, our personal definitions do not match up nicely with the other persons definition, there will be some blurriness and it’s certainly not black and white.

I believe this because I’ve heard MANY people define what they have or what they want in regards to those areas, and then I’ve heard the next person, defining those exact same areas except their definitions were quite different.

I think there is a baseline that majority of people can agree on in regards to those different levels of “relationships” , but the details of that definition maybe be very different from one person to the next due to their personal experiences, their wants and needs and how they view that relationship.

I know for certain that my ex and I had different views on what a “serious relationship” meant…He would always say to me, “I’m not ready to take this to the next level…” I kept wondering, “what the hell does the next level look like to you?” and it was my mistake for not asking or clarifying, I just assumed that his idea of the “next level” was the same as my idea of the next level, but BOY! was I wrong!!! His idea of the next level was moving together, soon to be engaged…etc. Where as my idea of the “next level” was to be fully emotionally available to me, to accompany me to family things..etc. Clearly we had a HUGE misunderstanding of definitions!!!!

So….Instead of trying to figure out what each level of relationship means to your partner, just ASK him or her! because your definition or idea, maybe be so far off from theirs.

One more questions or you ladies”.. Is there anything specific I should touch base on with him before starting a FWB situation? Like is there a checklist I should go thru to make sure we are on the same page?

Thanks again!

First tick on the checklist would be if a man you’ve never met as of only mention sex in your early communication and without you asking about sex in a specific question, you should stop talking to them immediately. Unless in your profile you checked casual sex or some such thing. Which most people in the right mindset for dating won’t.