Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Fwb for 3 years..
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 5 years, 7 months ago by
ellie.
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Ellie
So me and let’s call him A. Have been Fwb for just over 3 years.
In that time we’ve had certain unspoken rules, no sleepovers, don’t text inbetween hook ups, nothing to personal.
We never get jealous, it’s always been fun and good vibes.
Since just before Christmas I’ve felt a shift with him. He has started opening up, he wanted to cuddle and actually just talk when we are together, texting me things like I can’t stop thinking about you.
I’m only human so it started to stir some feelings in me so one night he was over and he was just so attentive and affectionate. I was very drunk and said to him I like things between us. It’s simple and easy but he has a very complicated life and I couldn’t take that on. (I know I would end up hurt) I’m very attracted to him but I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we have.
He understood because he knows he is complicated and wanted me to know how my he enjoys spending time with me and he tells his friends he loves our odd friendship.
So we’ve hooked up since then and it’s been a bit more brief. Last night he came over and as he was leaving I was having a bit of a joke with him and he took it the wrong way but then we laughed it off.
I started feeling guilty about it all day. I’ve been thinking should I stop the Fwb situation now?
I enjoy our time together and know investing in him would end with me getting hurt so I would never pursue it.
A may loose him as a friend which I would be gutted about but should I call it quits now that things have started to feel different?
Anne Ohio
You have a man with whom you can’t spend the night? You deserve better.
Ellie
Anne ohio the now staying over is actually my rule..
Not being in a relationship suits my life for personal reasons.
Alvi
Yes move on! Nothing good can come out of a situation like yours. If I were you I would go no contact for a while and then see if the actual friendship can be resumed, but no FWB! I mean “my life is so complicated” is on the same level as the “Its me not you” line ( transaltion : I am really not feeling it with you , but I dont want to be a d*ck and say that outright). I really wouldnt put anything on that at all.
Zoe
Who are you kidding? You want this guy but you cant have him. Thats why you don’t say anything. And thats why you post here. So you just enjoy crumbs.
FYI men have little respect to women who give easy sex without commitment. Unfortunately, the the ugly truth. Have you not had enough yet?Louise
Hmm. There are a lot of FWB haters on this forum, but I guess we’re all at different life stages. Having left a long marriage and being wary of rebound, a FWB was perfect for me. After 11 months he asked to see me ‘properly’ so we’re doing that now which I know is rare.
I recognise the ‘opening up’ more thing, but in our case the conversations about what was going on were more tentative – the shift was acknowledged but not in a way that led to a ‘we can’t have a relationship’ chat, which is how you suggest yours went down.
Did you both have an honest and open talk, or were you skirting around things based on what you both think the expecation is? You may have got yourselves in a muddle by telling each other what you think you ought to be saying rather than what you really feel.
Do you feel anxious about it? What are you feeling guilty about? Is he occupying your thoughts more than before?
Basically, with FWB it should be all awesome and no angst. Sounds like you’ve had lots of awesome if it’s lasted this long, but if you’ve started to feel angst, it’s time to stop. I hope you can still be friends, I imagine it’s going to be hard.
ellie
we are both certainly not married.
I don’t need to go into detail why his situation is complicated or mine.
We are both single and any time we have hooked up we have been both been single, we are as honest as we can be about other partners and jealousy has never been a factor of our “friendship”
Also Zoe he might be my FWB but i do care about him that’s not a hidden fact. After 3 years of knowing someone it be weird not to but i know when someone is not compatible for me as a full on relationship, he treats me with alot of respect and with have a mutual understanding. Have you never had a fwb?
Alvi.. i’m the one that told him his life is to complicated for it to be more so i would not like it to progress. Also No contact wouldn’t apply to us as we don’t talk much outside of hooking up.
Thank you Louise. Seems alot of people don’t get how FWB actually works.
I’ve been in relationships or seen people during the 3 years. With A it is uncomplicated fun and it’s never been a bad vibe until the other day when i woke up feeling bad because he took my joke the wrong way and feel like he has been in my thoughts more but i don’t know if thats because he’s wanted to see me more so he has been in my life more frequent then previously.
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