FWB ghosted me

And honestly who knows. I have found out that my ghosts have:
Died
Been in hospitals
Met other women
Felt we were getting too close
Were afraid to break up
Got busy

It’s never been me, and like 75% show back up.

“I’m sorry to say but, an FWB owes you no explanation as to why he isn’t responding to you.”

No, because it sounds like they were legit friends, not just people randomly hooking up. It’s not much different than a girlfriend ditching you- would you just walk away from a positive friendship with a girl with zero explanation?

A year, plus daily contact for 5 months, and weekly meetings for 5 months is creating some form of bond. Sure he may not be on the same page romantically. But you don’t spend that much time with a person and not develop a connection on some level.

There isn’t anything anyone can do about it, but I wish more people would call ghosters out on the damage they cause with a basic lack of manners. If you feel you are entering into a relationship (and I use the term relationship loosely- they can be non- romantic) and want the ability to skip out without notice, tell people.

I hooked up with a guy who did just that – BEFORE we got far along, he said “this is only casual and I don’t really keep up with friends/people”. He set the expectation up not to hear from him again. (As it was I do hear from him occasionally).

So if you are looking for intimacy, whether it’s physical, emotional, or just to connect to someone, and you want the ability to skip out without warning, tell people that’s what you do, and see how many people want to connect with you on anything more than the most superficial level.

And yes L, if you think ghosting and the mind mess it creates is not real, I invite you to feel the absolute sinking feeling when you google a man you dated and liked, that you reached out to, and wonder what happened, and read his obituary. Someone you connected with, who treated you well, courted you. I though he had simply ghosted on me like so many others.

Nope, went to the ER on a Sunday. Died on a Monday. Unexpected.

Over time, what has happened to me is that I simply don’t open up to men anymore. I don’t trust. I’m passive. I can’t keep connecting with people that I lose without rhyme, reason or explanation because it has taken a toll on me emotionally.

Once or twice? Yeah, it’s a tough lesson. But multiples take a toll, especially when a couple were tragic.

“But I would think that when a man does there were clues that were missed during the courting process or a measure of the woman liking the guy more than he liked her,”

Clues like last texts that read like :
“Good morning! I’m looking forward to tonight!”

I may well have missed something in the “courting process” but I’m not quite sure what needle in the hay stack it was.

The only thing I can say is that quality people don’t ghost and sorry you made a mistake in where you invested your time.

“I have not personally experienced a man ghosting. But I would think that when a man does there were clues that were missed during the courting process or a measure of the woman liking the guy more than he liked her, I don’t think it’s a reason to walk around loveless and paranoid”

See you haven’t experienced it. So imagine you get involved with a guy and you ARE progressing. Seeing each other more. It feels good. You have future plans. He’s a regular part of your life. You are learning about each other and opening up.

Then POOF- guy is gone. You have no clue if he is dead, sick, phone broke. Once you stew on that for a couple days, you get to wonder about if it was something you did, said.

Now add that up a few times- throw in some insecurity (most of us have vulnerabilities). Now you wonder which of your vulnerabilities made this guy go poof. So the next time, you hide parts of yourself from people or overshare in an attempt to test people. So you can’t open up correctly.

OR- you get to date the upstanding person who ends things, maybe offers a vague explanation and it’s done.

Well, 6 times – it must have been devastating. There are men out there who would never do this, if that’s of any help, and I wish you will find one.

I don’t understand the mentality that a FWB doesn’t owe you a goodbye or an explanation because he isn’t a boyfriend. If you are involved with someone intimately, or developed some kind of relationship, it is a decent thing to inform the person you are no longer contacting them. Women should get angry and let it be known they are angry for men disappearing. If we continue to reinforce “he doesn’t owe you an explanation” mentality it nurtures a ghosting culture. That is not okay. We are telling men (and women) that we don’t owe anyone common courtesy. FWB is a relationship. It is. When you end a relationship you end it properly. Plain and simple.

“If a guy dies or gets really ill, how is he supposed to contact you?”

Yes, my god, I know. I’m not upset with those guys. At all. I’d give anything to know that they were just a couple of players who stopped responding.

Which is why if someone reaches out to you, (who has generally been a good human, that you have developed a connection), YOU TAKE TIME TO RESPOND. So they don’t have to wonder if you are dead or disinterested. Even if it’s just “sorry babe, I’m not into you anymore”. And women pull the same garbage.

I agree with you Junior. All this, he “doesn’t owe” is all I keep hearing on here. Even with people who have been dating for months. I don’t hail from the US, and perhaps it’s a cultural thing, I’m not certain, but I agree with the poster who likened it to a friendship with another female or any other relationship that has been built up.

I don’t think any woman should work themselves up into an anxiety over it and what’s done is done. But sometimes I wonder if men keep thinking it’s OK to ghost because women never call them out on it and the ones that do get the “crazy” label.

That being said, these days, I wouldn’t waste my energy in calling out a guy on it, but I’d still be upset/angry and feel I had a right to be without being told, “he didn’t owe you”.

Thanks everyone for the feedback. We did have a FWB so it was a relationship so I expected some common courtesy as to why we are going separate ways.

We were physically intimate and shared many thoughts and feelings over 5 months. It was a bond yes for sure. I never pressed for more or showed a higher level of interest than him. He initiated texts and meetings There was a tremendous amount of affection and caring. No I love you though.

Whatever the reason – sick, found someone else, getting too close, personal problems – it’s cruel to leave a friend hanging.

If he re-surfaces in the future with no explanation, I have a mind to ignore.

Lane…
So empathetic?
It’s bad manners to ignore someone who you have had a ‘connection’ with.
Male/female, male/male, female/female, etc.
It IS okay to not want to have anything further to do with someone of course,
BUT to say nothing and just stop responding is rude, ignorant, selfish and cruel.
Now if those qualities exhibited don’t negatively impact social structure in any culture l don’t know what does?!
And that’s not Rocket Science either.
Arrogance is SO unattractive.

The problem with fwb’s is that most of the men see a woman agreeing to them as valuing herself less, there are exceptions. In the past, when fwb’s didn’t exist, a man would have to win his way to a woman’s panties, and so when he did, he made sure he d keep that privilege, it’s a common human sense and women would not give it up so easily. Nowadays it’s so easy to get and therefore so easy for a guy to move on. And men have much easier time to keep things casual casue they are much more practical. He probably didn’t give you any goodbye cause he might wanna pop in again sometime in the future. It’s just easier and doesn’t come with the drama of explanation etc. And as I said gives him the semi-open door if he wants to do it again sometime:) after all, he didn’t say it was over;)