Gave me his number

NO. Block him and move on. That’s one lazy guy trying to make you do the work he should be doing. And he’s on a dating app but “always forgets to check his messages”… I can BS on that. From a safety standpoint, I”m also very wary of someone who immediately tries to get me off communicating on the app before we have established any rapport or mutual interest.

If after a few exchanges the guy hasn’t asked you on a date, in guy code it means “I don’t want to you.”

Stop chasing men, which this is. All its going to do is torture you further when he keeps blowing you off. Tell yourself “I refuse to chase men!” After you tell yourself this (develop this mantra), you do not reach out anytime that ‘urge’ hits you. Put your phone away, do something to take your mind off it, block them from the site, and remain steadfast as the best way to learn how to stop doing something, is through repetitive practice. Like they say “practice makes perfect.” :o)

Sorry, meant to say “If after a few exchanges the guy hasn’t asked you on a date, in guy code it means “I don’t want to DATE you.” They really are simple, its women who complicate it lol

Tallspicy…obviously you’re entitled to your opinion, but the right man is NEVER lazy. ;) In my experience and observation when a man is lazy about contacting you and asking you out upfront, he’s 100% shown you he’s a waste of time. This is massive laziness. “I can’t be bothered to check my messages on dating app I signed up for, here’s my number, text me” – really???? No. Just no. That’s ridiculous. And potentially a fake. For safety I trade some messages with a guy on the dating app and see how that goes. If he doesn’t say anything weird, and we have enough in common and he asks me out in a reasonable period, then we can trade numbers. Not before.

The men I’ve dated who have turned into good boyfriends were always respectful and attentive from the get-go. I know where the bar is set for me and I just don’t tolerate less. Because of that, I get decent men. On dating apps, there are a load of weirdos and you have to do a diligent job of screening or you waste a lot of time and get very discouraged. But when you know how to screen, you can have a lot of fun and meet great guys.

If he was really interested in getting to know you better he would have asked for your number.

Honestly this would be a hard pass for me. I’d delete him and his number and chat with other guys.

So if you call him, what would you say- why would you be calling him? He should be asking to go out on a date of some kind. You shouldn’t have to call him for a date. If you call, keep it light, don’t suggest a date and see if he does.

I don’t necessarily think it’s low interest because I do know good men sensitive to the fact that women may not be comfortable giving their number out to strangers online. So they give their number first but then keep up the momentum if the woman responds. That’s why in my response I said it can go either way and there’s not enough information yet. Him forgetting to check the app for messages as his reasoning may indicate laziness, though, or that he’s not into apps so isn’t seriously looking for someone with them. Can still go either way.

The underlying problem here, Cindy, seems to be your concern about getting too attached over text. There’s a lot you can do to avoid that by having strong boundaries though and maybe making some rules for yourself… mirror his interest / communication level and perhaps create a timeframe in your head that if you don’t have plans to meet in person within X days, you fade out because the guy isn’t serious enough. Testing him by talking on the phone isn’t the best way to handle it. Some people don’t like talking on the phone to strangers, so it won’t really prove anything. Boundaries for yourself and being willing to walk away if you don’t observe what you want (ie high interest, whatever that means to you since we’ve got some differences in opinions among ourselves posting) and *not* tests are the way to go. It’s not aggressive to state what you want one time (texting “here is my number” and saying something like “I’m looking forward to getting to know you better offline”) as long as you’re not chasing shows enough interest to encourage him without games. Then he takes the lead or doesn’t and you have your answer. It’s not worth stressing about someone before you know them because it already attaches you to an outcome and that creates anxiety if things then don’t work out how you want them to in your head. Which makes it hard to just lean back and get to know a guy and let him show you who he is and if he’s worth your time.

I also used a free internet number that forwarded to my phone so I didn’t need to give out my real number when online dating to address my own safety concerns, though luckily I never encountered any issues like that.

What Lane, AngieBaby and Sophia said.

It really doesn’t matter the “platforms” or where it happens, its that he’s just not pursuing you – a guy and I were messaging on slack, he told me virtually instantly he almost never checks slack so he asked for my number so we could text instead, he texted me the same day i gave him my number, and then asked me out in that 1st text message exchange. (I already knew him in person so we didn’t meet online, gasps i know lol). the point of all that is it’s one thing to give a number and show a lot of interest/ask you out – it’s another to give one but then do nothing/let you do all the work.

point being, like AB and others have said- if he really wants you he will NOT “meh laid back leave it up to you take it or leave it” – he WILL pursue you. also? if he gave you his number, never reached out again, and *you* call *him*, you scream out “YOURE THE ONLY GUY IM TALKING TO, got ZERO OTHER OPTIONS!” (whether or not that’s true.) is that what you want?
gl!

What Elle said.

And what Sophia said – this is a HARD PASS.

Cindy, a good guy who was that interested in you would have started checking his messages to communicate with you. Or he would have said something to the effect of I”m rarely on the site. Is there another way we could communicate? Would you feel comfortable giving me your number? I’m glad to give you mine. I get that women have safety concerns. How would you prefer to communicate?

See the difference between that and “I forget to check my messages on this site, here’s my number, text me.” LAME LAME LAME. Remember that he will get an email or something when he has a message on the site so it’s not like he won’t know it’s there.

PLEASE don’t call him. You’re doing the man’s job of pursuing him. If you are insistent on following up with this guy who 99% chance is a waste of time, then just text him – hi, it’s Cindy. Looking forward to getting to know you and then see what he does. Don’t start with this pointless “how was your day” nonsense and good morning, good night, etc.

My guess is you will e-tethered with meaningless text messages. If he even responds. I doubt you’ll ever meet him. But hey, I could be completely wrong. Maybe this is the love of your life. Unfortunately the odds are against him being a good guy based on the way he’s conducting himself so far.

Let us know how it turns out. I’m very willing to be wrong, and would be glad if you came back and said hey, I’m going out with him and he’s terrific.

Maddie, I”m cracking up. I also checked with my BF only giving the basic story and he said the same thing yours did: 95/5. So I was only off the good guys mark by 4%!

I’m honestly amazed at how everyone has a different take on the situation. I am honestly, truly, 100% not one way or the other about this guy, not pursuing him etc. I really was just saying in my mind it is easier to just call and talk to each other and not waste each other’s time. Rather than do the texting dance and the over analyzing etc.

So since everyone asked for an update..I did call. Sunday afternoon. And shocker he didn’t pick up but had his name on the v/m so I feel at least his number was real haha. I left a message, Hi its Cindy from the app. Saying hello hope we can connect sometime this weekend. Give me a call back.
And….
No response. No call, no text, nada.
So….on to the next! I’m going to unmatch him on the app and delete his number. 24 hrs later and no contact at all on any forum? See ya later little boy.

Mine doesn’t think it matters who makes the initial first move like that as long as from there the conversation continues with equal effort (equal from the guy at *minimum*) and organically.

I initiated our first video date because we’d been texting for a while at the beginning of the pandemic when no one knew what was going on and it finally got silly that I didn’t know what his voice sounded like. But he was initiating text conversations frequently prior to that and I knew right away he was looking for a serious relationship because he told me where he was at in life and there were zero games… the only initial uncertainty was about how to get to know each other and properly date during a pandemic in a way that made us both comfortable, but no uncertainty about his interest level.