Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › Get ex back when he's casually dating someone else
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
cupcake.
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Anna
My ex and I broke up just under a year ago but got back together again in August 2020. We were dating for maybe 2 weeks before we ended again. Since then we’ve been talking on and off and meeting up once in a while. Every time we meet, we kiss and it’s very passionate and nearly leads to sex every time. Recently we met again (a week ago) and again, we kissed and it was passionate and cute at the same time and he kept complimenting me and actually being sweet with me rather than wanting it go to sex. I loved it as that’s how he was when we were together. He then told me we should stay friends as he’s talking to someone. It was quite random how he brought that up as it was in the middle of a regular conversation but I tried to act cool and said that’s ok with me as that’s all I wanted anyway. So.. I don’t want to be the one to get in between him and happiness but I want him back and I love hanging out with him and I know he enjoys it too. I’ve tried to hang out with him since the last time but we’re both busy and he’s scared that we’ll kiss again and doesn’t want to be unfaithful (although they’re not “official” and are quite casual but he seems very into her) so I need help.
Ps. We broke up due to Covid stress and would always get back together just before new restrictions came in meaning we couldn’t see each other again for ages and it just caused stress and neither of us were in the right head space to continue but we’ve both grown up a lot throughout the year and both seem ready to be in a relationship whether the restrictions continue or not and I really want to try again with him and I want to show him this time will be different.
cupcake
Not to be harsh but he doesn’t seem to be interested in getting back into a relationship with you. You say yourself, he is very into his new girl. They might be casual now, but most people are in the early stages.
Also what makes you think your relationship would be different this time around? You say you changed and have grown but i mean the situation is still the same. Covid is still a thing! The stresses that come with it are still here. You have broken up twice before over the same issues….maybe it’s time to move on.
Raven
You broke up twice, what was the reason(s)?
AngieBaby
You seem to be so anxious to get back with him yet again that you’re missing the blindingly obvious. You said:
“he’s scared that we’ll kiss again and doesn’t want to be unfaithful (although they’re not “official” and are quite casual but he seems very into her)”
I’m going to be possibly painfully honest – he’s moved on to someone else and using you as a back up in case it doesn’t work out with her.
He’s doing more than “talking with someone.” Since he’s not interested in having sex with you anymore and doesn’t want to meet up because he’s afraid you’ll kiss, he’s either a lot more interested in her than he’s letting on or he’s sleeping with her and lying to you about it.
Anna
Update: he still talks to me every day and still wants to have sex with me (sends nudes and offers to meet up for sex sometimes but I always decline saying that’s not what I’m here for) but we haven’t been talking casually for long so I’m just confused
AngieBaby
Anna. As I said. He’s USING YOU as a back-up. He’s disrespecting you and her too by chasing her and still staying involved with you. He’s selfish and not a very nice person. Nothing confusing about that. He’s using you because you’re allowing it – you won’t draw boundaries and refuse to be treated like crap.
Why are you making yourself available for being treated so badly, by a guy who you’ve broken up with several times??
Raven
You’ve gone from GF to side chick…
Emily
People break up because the relationship isn’t working for some reason. Why do you want to go back to something that didn’t work the first time around?
Anna
I HAVE put up boundaries that’s why we don’t meet just for sex and we haven’t had sex since we broke up the first time around
Anna
We broke up the first time because of the stress of covid as well as me going through a tough time. He was a little shy still and wasn’t up for calls yet alone video calls and his family is quite high risk. When we got back together I ended up moving towns and we just decided it couldn’t work long distance, again, due to Covid. Since we started talking again recently he’s been a lot more open and has been calling me every week just to chat and the restrictions have loosened up a lot where we’re from and I have moved back to my home town. That’s why I think we could still work. I know he likes the new girl as he told me so but he also makes sure I know they’re not exclusive and are only seeing each other casually and he’s not sure about pursuing it further. That’s why I’m confused as I know it’s different this time.
cupcake
If you still think it could work and you think he wants to get back together, then go for it. Ask him to try again. Don’t play silly games. Don’t let him play silly games with you. Just tell him you want to try again. This way you have clarity about where you stand right away.
However, don’t be hurt if he shoots you down and don’t fall into the trap of becoming the fallback/side chick.
Personally i don’t think it’s a good idea to go back to a situation that hasn’t worked out twice before. Especially since the situation seems very much unchanged. But I don’t know you, so if you think you have both grown to a point were it could be different then…take a risk and go for it.
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