Getting on beautifully, then he went off the radar – confused!

Look, the fact of the matter is that many men are wishey washey, disrespectful and game players…remember that! And you DON’T know when they are sincere or not because it’s very easy to portray the “great guy” effect during the first six months or so, and any rational woman is taken in by that….of course sugar is more attractive than vinegar; so don’t feel victimized because of how things turned out.

He was doing and saying all of the right things. He said he wanted exclusivity and you took him at his word. At least you didn’t assume exclusivity….he actually spoke the words, so you did nothing wrong sweetheart.

I agree with some of the previous posts that next time a guy refuses to answer your first text….leave it alone and don’t text him any more. He’ll text you when he’s ready. I would BET MONEY that he purposely stopped contact with you just to see how you would react to it; It’s the “GAME”.

When you noticed that you hadn’t heard from him in a couple days, you contacted him, and that was perfectly fine. I must say that I think your text was a lil too long. I think you should have shortened it by saying something like “Hey! Hadn’t heard from you in a few days so just checking on you.” something simple like that; then I would have left it alone…no more contact.

I’m so sorry that a lot of men play with women’s hearts and emotions sweetheart. I don’t understand it, but at least you are aware of the behavior, and knowledge is power.

Next time don’t get so taken in by the “niceness and good conversations”…enjoy it, and continue to be fun-loving, independent, and use your manners when needed, but ALWAYS be aware that things are capable of changing at ANY time. And when one is aware of it, then you are EMPOWERED. I know this is frustrating, but unfortunately sweetheart, that’s the way it is when you’re dealing with many of these men. :-(

ok, i won’t. I’ve done enough damage. that much has sunken into my head now.
and got a couple of books to read in the meantime!

I remember a guy who ghosted on me came back after 3 months. Told him that I don’t date flakes. Pretty sure he came back for the ego boost lol

I was dating a flaky guy and then started a relationship with other one. Then, after one year this flaky contacted me again to see if I wanted to go out. I answered: “no, I’m still in a relationship. But anyways I see you only as a friend”.
He had just ended a relationship and I had no idea. So he was flaky with me for months until I started another relationship. He could not only commit to me, but could commit to other girl. Thank God and this website I wasn’t waiting for him.

I am at a lost why you’re beating yourself up about this. Your reaction and action to the whole situation was logical. What is illogical is that you’re regretting your actions and decision. Right or wrong, it’s over. If he is really into you, he will not let you go no matter what the reason is. Don’t make up excuses or reasons for his actions. Only he knows why he does what he does. Your focus should be on the present and towards the exciting new opportunities that lie ahead.

Ok you guys here give really great advice. But this is exactly the point, I get confused. I also started a thread here. And you guys talk about men being rubber bands. But now I am even more confused. On one hand you guys say if a man vanish and doesn’t text or rarely texts that means the man is simply not into you and just not interested. But on the other hand you guys say when a man vanish and the suddenly out of the blue contacts the woman again, it means he just needed to pull back to get hisself in place. So how do I know now if the guy wasn’t simply that interested or if the guy just needed space to get hisself straight?????

Good question Electralucy and a good explanation Hannah! I’ve often wondered the same thing. Before I became aware of the these male behaviours like caving and pulling back, I would automatically have believed the guy wanted to finish it, end of and acted accordingly. In addition, I most certainly wouldn’t have been happy with someone reappearing after a period of time in the hope of resuming things as normal and would have told him where to go! On the other hand, I wouldn’t have a problem with someone ASKING for space. From what I hear a lot of guys don’t do this. So I can see where knowledge is power for us ladies. Forearmed is forewarned1

I may have written about this before on the site, but I came across an article where guys were interviewed about why they pulled back in relationships. In the vast majority of cases it was because they actually LIKED the girl in question. (Prior to this I would never have believed this) I can’t access it right now but I can’t remember the exact reasons (for the withdrawal) that were cited. I also believe (with younger guys esp that intensity of their (and sometimes yours!) feelings makes them feel overwhelmed and they freak out, perceiving this as a threat to their freedom! Additionally, some will do it to test YOUR interest. The latter is the only one I’ve ever experienced.

Yeah right anon. Just like all men are b*stards who are out to use women for sex….

Let me give you some relationship advice. If you’re consistently attracting women with the qualities you describe, there’s something wrong with YOU. Either you’re a terrible judge of character or you’re unable to attract a decent woman for some reason. Work on improving yourself and get that chip off your shoulder and work. Then you’ll probably feel less bitter.

(Yes I know this is an old post but I can’t resist feeding trolls sometimes!)

Some questions: Do you think he’s out on a blog writing to strangers, trying to figure out your behaviour? Think women are recommending he go buy a book on how to date women and how to understand their behaviour? PROBABLY NOT :) Sounds like you did your due diligence. The fact is he behaved badly. Ghosting a stranger is one thing, but you guys were in contact and shared some vulnerable things with each other. He ASKED you to call him. So you were taking your CUES FROM HIM as to how to move forward. And then he changes by stonewalling you. That behaviour is passive aggressive. It’s bad behaviour. Let’s stop treating men like little boys and taking the responsibility for them. Let’s stop expecting women to be MIND READERS. Maybe he thought you were desperate as one reader suggested, but you don’t know….until dude actually uses his mouth to communicate with you like a human being, you can only guess, or make generalizations. Doesn’t make it true. You were not acting desperate or needy, you took your cues from him. You were behaving like a normal human being acts when faced with bad behaviour. A little hurt and a lot confused. I would just leave it and let it lie. To me his behaviour is a bit of a red flag. You sound much too lovely to put up with that. You didn’t ruin a good thing. If this is how he behaves when he gets close to someone, you should protect yourself. Never mind him and on to the next thing. If it’s space he needs, and if it was ever meant to be, he knows how to contact you and make it right again. But that would be his responsibility. But having dated for a while just trust me on this, and let this one get away. Total red flag.

OMi G. You’re right. WTF.

I think that maybe he already had a girlfriend, and that it wasn’t your fault at all! apart from missing the red flags of him moving way too fast. I think he wanted the feeling of a new honeymoon period with someone , the ‘fantasy relationship’ where everything is amazing and once that faded for him and it got too real,then he was off. I’m sure your not the first and won’t be the last sadly to say..xx

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