Getting tired of dating and ghosting

Hi Laura,
Boy, I can relate to you – and I think most other women on here can as well.

Unfortunately, ghosting seems to be the status quo – and it is so so hurtful. It’s certainly happened to me many times, and I’m sure you saw NY Times recent articles about it.

Dating requires a really really thick skin. But if love is something you desire in your life, the end result will be worth it. I think I’ve been on 85 first dates in the past 3 years. Probably 1/4 of that second dates, and downward from there. Had one 6 month serious relationship (met family, he brought up marriage) that ended via text, followed by an email – so hurtful. However, all these people have taught me what I am and I am not looking for – the qualities that are important to me, and what is not. I spent a long time focusing too much on the resume and not enough on the person – not to say you shouldn’t have high standards and qualify someone, I was forcing myself to like guys because they seemed to have what I was looking for, but there was actually no spark.

Most times it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t really have anything to do with you. Especially the guys that ghost – it is usually that they are just not emotionally available or unsure what they want. If you can hang in there, I promise you will eventually find someone who is great for you.

The key is to focus on the things that make you happy and fulfilled, the guy will come after that. Of course a guy wants a confident girl who doesn’t need someone to complete her, but wants him to add joy to her life.

I know how hurtful it can all be, and I’m so sorry you have had to go through so much pain. Remember that anytime you feel down you can come here for support, it is a wonderful community.

I understand how this can be the constant disappointments.
However, just keep yourself out there and stay positive the right one will come along.
I know you hear that also the time as words of encouragement but its true.
Think of all the married people you know, guess what they had a first date too.
Its a journey and just enjoy the ride.

Men ghost for a variety of reasons…so it is paramount to get to know their history with women. If you meet a man and over a few weeks he says, “Yeah, I almost got engaged three times but it did not work out….red flag. If he says, most women want to marry me….red flag.

Pay attention to him…what he thinks about life in general and his attitude towards women…how does he get along with his mother for example? These are all tell tale signs of things to come…

So date, have fun, and keep your eyes open. Good luck.

Im so glad Laura! I wanted to give up many times, but I was told not to and I met a great guy. Still early days but we definitely have something good. Also, make sure you are not subconsciously choosing the same type of guy over and over. Do some analysis on yourself and try to see if there are any patterns. I had a thing for unavailable guys for the longest time….and I wasn’t aware of it. I got super picky but still gave guys a chance, if that makes sense. And I didn’t put with any crap, such as sexting, shady behavior, inappropriate language or pics. I honestly think learning how to move on quickly is a great lesson to learn. Once I really wrapped my head around that, I had a much better experience with dating.

I took a good hard look at myself ;). I was finally honest and admitted that I was unavailable and felt most comfortable with men that were the same. It’s a weird situation. I first read about this on the website baggage reclaim. Then I found this website and I learned a lot. Then I became honest about what I really wanted and I learned to focus on that. I dated a lot! I learned how to not let men affect me. You don’t hear back from a lot and it’s ok. It’s good riddance. Realize that none of it is a reflection on you…unless you have behaviors that are turning men off. These could be: being too available, over eagerness, over investing, sharing too much too early, clingyness. I promise..learn to mirror the man and don’t go there if he isn’t. I learned that here and it’s so true. Be clear on what you want early on and never put up with less than you want. Men respect that. You can never talk a man into being with you and the best way to deal with a man’s distant behavior is to pull back yourself. Then have an honest conversation with him. Let him know what works and what doesn’t work for you. Then he decides on his own to step up or not. You are the goddess and you choose always ;). Don’t be afraid to show your feelings just keep it authentic and drama free.

Karemm,
Sweetheart please put this in a new thread.

I just have a few things to share…

We pay the price of love with heartache…that is to say that without kissing frogs we won’t truly appreciate our Prince so if you haven’t met your dream guy…I use the term loosely…you still have to work on yourself…this is not a negative thing…challenge yourself to something new, a goal of yours and expect wonderful things to open up for you…

Secondly are you happy? Because you can be perfect on paper but have negative energy you put out…look to see what kind of vibe you give off…tap into your feminine energy and you will be irresistible…we are the prize…guys know this but when they find a girl that doesn’t know this they take advantage…

;)

THere’s said it best.

Trust me, if a guy really likes you there’s nothing you do or don’t do that will keep him away!!!

I am always true to myself and if a guy has an issue with it…NEXT. You technically are the CHOOSER so its possible you aren’t weeding them out right. For instance if a guy is wishy-washy coming out of the gate then he’s not going to be a good contender so its best to cut him loose early on. From thereon you look at the other contenders in the race who are really trying to win your heart because you’ve won theirs first and that’s the one you give the ribbon too.

Here’s the thing you need to know about men and dating. Men are looking for someone who stands out from the pack—she has something unique about her that all the other girls don’t possess. For instance, man chasers are a dime a dozen; they come across those ladies on a regular basis so there’s nothing interesting or unique about them which is why they drop them pretty quickly.

I think I’m mainly successful in attracting men because I have a lot of SPUNK. I stand out from most women because I’m able to challenge men, I’m not easy to tap into because I only give them morsels of information and they crave to learn more. I actually HATE formal dating and treat men I meet in my daily life the same way I treat anyone else, male or female, I just met at the store, car wash, party, etc. If a guy wants to get to know me better they have to work for it because I don’t date for the sake of dating, the man has to also be unique and rise above all the other contenders before they receive my attention.