Ghosted after 3 months

“He has also been in at least 12 relationships prior to me. at first I thought he just wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship but he says he’s open to that which is why he went back to the dating apps.”

This isn’t anything you did wrong, and you’re not missing out if you’re looking for a serious relationship. He sounds like a serial monogamist to me. Stays with the same woman for a while but never seriously and fully commits. Saying you’re “open” to a committed relationship without demonstrating any actions to back it up means he doesn’t really want one or to put in the effort but if he magically finds the perfect woman he’d stick around. It’s a form of avoidance, though, because nothing happens magically and he’s not taking ownership of the choice: it’ll only maybe be something that happens TO him because he’s “open” to it. So I really wouldn’t kick yourself too much over this guy.

He also didn’t do you a solid by breaking things off with you before actively trying to meet new women. Which in my opinion reflects poorly on him. Since he wasn’t your boyfriend he technically didn’t have to, but I hate those technicalities to avoid responsibility. If you’ve been seeing someone 2-3 months (more than just a few dates) and you’ve decided it’s not for you, that’s fine but be mature and end it instead of finding a backup plan first. It’s super shady that he told you you were exclusively dating yet he was still trying to meet new people without clarifying that to you.

If it makes you feel any better, I had a guy do this same thing to me. When he finally told me, surprise!, he wanted to commit to someone else he’d just met, I kept it short but did call him out for handling things poorly. He wanted to be “friends” anyway. I didn’t. I wished him luck with the new woman. Well, he never took himself off dating apps after and he messaged me only 2 weeks later trying to open the door back up. So obviously things didn’t work out between them. I didn’t respond. I then met a new guy less than a month after getting the brush off from the first guy, and we’ve been in a serious relationship pretty much ever since. If the first guy hadn’t let me go, and I hadn’t left the door closed, I wouldn’t have been putting myself out there again and met a mature guy who is actually right for me! And I have no idea if the first guy ever found a girlfriend, I have no reason to keep tabs on him and whatever he did after breaking things off with me doesn’t matter anyway.

Agree with T in that you were not ghosted. You weren’t in a relationship, just dating, where at any time either one of you are freely allowed to stop dating each other for any reason.

Take this as a learning experience. Going forward, you need to carefully listen to EVERYTHING a man tells you, and BELIEVE THE NEGATIVES! When men throw out negative bits of information about themselves, such as “they’ve been in 12 relationships, and never committed to any of them,” or “I would make a bad BF” or I [insert negative belief]..” its their way of telling you they are not all in, and its going to end.

What’s his age? If he’s in his 20’s then I would suspect he’s ‘playing the field’ and hasn’t committed because he’s not ready, in a position, to settle down yet, or simply hasn’t met ‘the one’ yet. My younger son (age 29) has done this to many young ladies. He wasn’t out to intentionally hurt them, its that he suffered from a bout of “infatuation” (look it up) that wore off within a month or two, and the relationship ended. I remember him telling me he’s never been in love, and doesn’t know what it feels like. I told him, when you meet her, you will know as it will feel the opposite of what you felt with the others. He met her, although we (his dad, brother, nor I) like her, so not sure how long it will last, being that he’s serving a 9 year Army stint overseas, and she’s a control freak.

Or he could be a Player? Majority of men fit into my son’s category. Very few are actual Player’s who are deeply hurt, and wounded individuals, who are trying to the find a woman who can heal them, some never do. They go from one, to another, to another, because they don’t trust women at all. They see women as trying to fix, change, hurt, or push them into a relationship instead of allowing it to happen naturally, because they need a lot more time to trust the woman won’t hurt them, than non Players do, so time is not of the essence with these guys.

A courtship (aka ‘dating’) is merely a romantic form of introduction, with the POSSIBILITY it could lead towards a true commitment (aka ‘marriage’) if both of the parties are fully on board, and want to take it to that level, if not, it stops. Some are able to find their person quickly, for others it can take years but like they say “you can’t win if you don’t play” so you have to accept this is one of the biggest risks in dating but its also the biggest reward when you finally meet each others ‘one’ (or two, or three…for some).