Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Ghosted after 3 months of dating
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 6 years, 4 months ago by
katie.
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Young and Dumb
Hi ladies I’ve been looking through this site for awhile now about the situation I’m in. Just need some advice, support, and insight?
Quick summary of what happened: basically was seeing this guy (31) for 3 months, haven’t defined our relationship (didn’t state exclusivity I decided to just go with the flow), ended up texting him how I felt, got no response after that. At 3 months we’ve basically established a routine of just hanging out and seeing each other. Obviously I got the “feels” and wanted to see where we were. Everything was fine until I sent the text. It’s been a month since the last time I saw him. I was devastated when I realized a week after I sent that text was “Wow I guess this is it. This is the answer. I don’t mean anything to him”. I sent a couple of texts after that to check in because… well I’ve known him for awhile and I wanted to make sure he was okay? No response. Ok got it. He’s 7 years older than me and I thought he would handle this maturely.
Right now I’m still holding on to the possibility that something went wrong. Or that he’s not ready to be in a relationship. I’ll admit that I’m in denial. He also just got out of a relationship when we first met. I’ve been giving him the benefit of the doubt too knowing that he’s on the spectrum as well. I don’t know. I guess that’s the issue with ghosting is that the lack of closure just eats you away with all the why’s and full of I don’t knows.
peggy
Hi Y and D-Never go with “the flow” unless you are great with casual dating and sex. 9 times out of 10,a woman wants more and the guy never did and it ends badly for her.
When you meet a guy,be clear up front that you hope to find a match to be your serious boyfriend or eventually get married etc. Whatever you want,be clear about it,to yourself and him.
A casual guy that has avoided you for a month is gone-I would not have sent him any messages. Al you need to know is that he is not giving you what you want and need-it is results and actions that count. So who cares why.Khadija
I’ll start off no answer is your closure. I get it you want him to text or call back to end things or hope he feels the same way. His silence speaks volumes.
In the future be clear about what you want and don’t go with the flow. If a guy is not on the same page, NEXT!
Also, he just got out of a relationship always a bad bet. People need time to just get over things. I say no less than a year and that means you haven’t spoken to the ex in a year.
Young and Dumb
Thanks ladies. That’s a big mistake on my part is not being upfront. Crazy to know how you can be so intimate with someone physically and emotionally and yet nothing to come out of it. Am I wrong to feel this way? Also what should I do about my stuff that he still has?
peggy
Well, don’t be intimate on any level,until the guy has “earned it” by making it clear you are his exclusive girlfriend. Either let the stuff go,or have a friend ask him if they can come and pick it up.
Khadija
Keep in mind action+words= truth.
I agree with Peggy hold off on being intimate until a man has earned that from you.
Also, men and women view intimacy differently. A man can have a wild passionate night with you and then go about his day business as usual without a thought about the night before.
Women really do bond with a man when things get physical. Be careful and guard your heart, too many women make this crucial mistake.
Depends on what the items were. If they can be replaced, replace them. I see no point in hunting a guy down for things I can get at the local target.
Lane
Best to assume a man wants casual if he’s not bringing up the topics or discussing what he wants and you want in the beginning (first few dates) A man who’s looking for ‘the one’ and sees you as potentially becoming ‘the one’ will kick the tires so to speak (keep checking your interest level) so he’s not wasting his time.
A man who’s ready will be open an freely discussing it with you to the point you wouldn’t have to ask…if you have to ask then it’s a good sign he’s not thinking of you that way. Men aren’t stupid and KNOW what a woman really wants (a relationship) and if you stay silent then he’ll milk it until ‘the talk’ happens and will bounce.
You have bad guydar. Any man out of a relationship isn’t looking for another one. They are looking for non-commital companionship’s, not be tied down again. It’s like their coming out of prison after the breakup. They may miss the free meal and a cot (some aspects of the relationship) but will not miss their freedom and trying to force them to go back isn’t going to happen.
I used the ‘prison analogy’ to help you understand their mentality, not that a relationship is like being in prison (although for some it might be) but they aren’t mentally ready to jump into another relationship until they’ve tasted enough freedom; fully healed from past relationship; and mentally ready to give it another go with a woman they fall in love with.
Young and Dumb
Thank you ladies I do have a lot to learn! I’ve been so focused with school and decided to try out online dating. Lucky for me I get this piece of pie. And definitely lucky because this is a learning lesson. Just a bit lost in which direction to go so glad I’m asking here. To be honest, I’m more disappointed than angry. Currently just trying to change my outlook in moving on. It really helps understanding your guy’s opinion. Because for the past month I’ve been circling over “just hoping”.
katie
I totally know how you feel. I dated my ex for 5 months and he ghosted me. Literally out of nowhere. Come to find out he was cheating on me with some side chick while he was missing.
It’s all so pathetic. You deserve better. And these ladies are right, if you have to ask, NOTHING real is happening.
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