Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › ghosted…but not blocked. what’s up with that?
- This topic has 48 replies and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by
Kira.
-
AuthorPosts
-
L
Had a month of hot hooks ups with a guy who ghosted and yet I’m not blocked…why wouldn’t he just block me? Is it about leaving his options open?? If I didn’t want to speak with someone again I wouldn’t hesitate to block them (I’m looking at YOU, robo-calls, lol!). I sent a few innocuous texts (after doing 30 days of no-contact) and no response, but also not blocked. Wonder if I should keep pursuing this or delete delete delete? We had some INCREDIBLE chemistry but if the timing’s just not right I don’t want to keep beating a dead horse.
—
Update from the moderation team:
This is a very popular topic for our visitors! Do you feel like this is a familiar story? Has this happened to you?
You are welcome to start a discussion thread. Our community members can offer advice. The goal of this forum is to help you gain clarity and understand what’s happening when you’re confused.
This forum topic is getting old. It’s better to start a fresh new topic for your situation than to reply to an old one. You can start a new conversation topic by going to this page. Swipe down to the bottom of the page, and you’ll see the form which allows you to start a new topic.
Khadija
If a man is ignoring you for over a month what else can you do?
Please stop reaching out and move forward.
These men do have a way or reappearing don’t let him back in or he’ll make a fool of you again.
Shannon
If you are using an IPhone, it will not tell you that your texts are blocked. They just go into a void and the person who blocked you does not receive them. There is no indication on your end other than they are not answered.
If you’re talking about not being blocked on social media, this could be him leaving a small door open so he can make contact again. Like Khadija said, these men who ghost will pop back in when they’re in between women or in need of an ego stroke and then vanish again when you’re no longer convenient. This will happen as many times as you allow it.
If a man ghosts on you, it should ALWAYS be a deal breaker. And do your fellow women a favor and refuse to date a man who admits he’s ghosted on others.
April
NO RESPONSE IS A RESPONSE. doesn’t really matter if you’re blocked or not.
Raven
Please, Tell me why you continue to text a guy who does not respond…
Emma
Emma, no response is a response only in a sense that it gives us a very clear direction. But it is still “no response”, i.e. ignoring. I agree what Shannon said If a man ghosts on you it should always be a dealbreaker. There are many reasons for that indeed.
Hannah
I never block, i just ignore. I would only block someone if they were harassing me or hearing from them would upset me. If I don’t care about someone, it doesn’t matter if they contact me or not, I’d just ignore them if they do.
I’d see it more as an indication he’s not bothered if he hears from you or not than anything else.
Do you really block anyone you went on a date with and decided they weren’t for you? It seems a bit extreme! That’s probably how he feels. Plus he gets an ego boost every time you try to get in touch this way!
MariaTheOriginal
You must be joking. Ghosting is not enough for you to get the message?
Next you’ll be saying “he doesn’t have a restraining order out of me! Does that mean there’s hope???”
I’ve blocked exactly one person in my life and that’s because they were being verbally abusive to me. Most people don’t go to the lengths of blocking someone unless you actively harrassing them. Why bother if you aren’t being a problem.
If you want to see this as there being a “chance” you have bigger problems than we can help you with.
He knows where to find you. he chose not to.
Crisula
Hannah is right
People usually only block because they’re hurt
To be hurt, you must have cared.Sorry, he wasn’t really into you
L
Thanks for the feedback, I guess (sheesh some of you girls are rough!!!)
I only him texted twice after he ghosted because I’m afraid I may have hurt his feelings when I broke it off and he may be feeling embarrassed. But it’s not like I’m a serial “texter,” I’m like 1000 years old and haven’t been in the dating scene for decades so just don’t know what the protocol is with texting. I do know how to tell if you’re blocked or not with iPhones, though…so there’s that.
Anyway…
kaye
Like Maria I’ve only ever blocked one ex boyfriend on my phone and that was a guy who continued to send me dick pics even after he knew I was in a committed relationship!! To me blocking is extreme and unnecessary when you can just ignore. This guy had his fun, now he’s done. Why do you expect him to block you?
And why on earth would you continue to pursue a man who is ignoring you? You say the chemistry was incredible but it doesn’t mean he’s not getting hotter sex somewhere else right now! He’ll probably be back for another romp when he gets tired of this one too.
Vanessa
You broke it off with him? Why?
Shannon
How can you tell if you’re blocked on an Iphone? Because I’ve actually researched this with Apple themselves who states there is no way to tell.
If you broke up with him, why are you texting him? He may be ignoring you because he liked you but wants to move on with his life. The fastest way to heal from someone is to not have contact. I’m just confused because you talk about “pursuing this…” why would you have broken up with him them?
And yes, I spent a lot of time not dating as well and found it daunting when I returned to the dating world, especially with texting etiquette. It’s so easy to text and cause so much damage with the words you say. Different than talking on the phone where the person is actually responding to you.
L
The real L, here. Why block when it’s easier to ignore?
MariaTheOriginal
hey, i’m sorry if I came across as harsh– mean’t more as “tough love”. We see a lot of ladies here is pretty severe denial… sometimes you need a wake up call (and i have been there and learned the hard way, LOL)
L
I broke it off with him because I was trying to stand up for myself as he made me feel awkward mooning over his ex on 2 different occasions. The 1st time he brought her up (in a text) I was incredulous but actually gave him my opinion on something regarding her that he had asked me for. Because I’m kind-hearted. In short, he wanted to know if he should wish her a Happy Birthday to which I said “it shouldn’t be a big deal unless you have feelings for someone” to which he replied (to me): “Happy Birthday 😘” As it wasn’t my birthday (it was obviously just flirtation) I didn’t think much of it and he kept pursuing me.
The 2nd time he brought her up I was literally in his lap kissing him when for some stupid reason I asked how things were going with his ex. He actually got pretty emotional and I immediately felt sorry for him and since it all seemed too confusing (and was definitely not a turn on), I sent him home. He texted me the next day saying how much he enjoyed seeing me that night. To which I replied:
“How are u feeling? You were feeling a lot of feels…did you work things out with your girlfriend?”
HIM
I don’t have a girlfriend lol
There were a lot of feels, yes hahaha
ME
Your ex? I felt sorry for you…
HIM
Hahaha
It’s such a long story so I probably sounded ridiculous
ME
Not ridiculous. Empassioned. About someone else. Which was awkward for me…
HIM
You asked
So I had to explain…
ME
I think I was just being polite.
HIM
Hahaha
Why, thank you 😘
ME
Look…I’d love to keep this going somehow -but we both have feelings – and I’d hate to get to in the way of you tapping on the right shoulder at the right time.
And I think if I’m going to risk everything your full attention is not too much to ask
😘
Know what I mean?So, he may be feeling embarrassed to have gotten so emotional about his ex. He may regret having shared his feelings about her and may think I was being too harsh condemning him for doing so. He probably felt hurt by my sharp tone and ultimatum, thinking I would be more understanding and comforting especially seeing how vulnerable he got. He is probably still very confused about what happened both with her and what was happening with me and is trying to protect himself from getting hurt. When I give my heart, it’s completely, and that’s why I used the word “risk.” Perhaps the real lesson is learning to not give my heart completely away anymore…
You ask why I want to pursue it? One simple word: chemistry. Never felt that way about someone my entire life – and remember, I’m 1000 years old, lol!. I recognize there is a lot more to learn about him and now I’m afraid there is no longer an opportunity to do so.
I’m about ready to let it all go, however. I’ve been torturing myself for too long over this. I know I’m going to run into him again, though. Would like to make peace with it all before I do. Would LIKE to send one last text: “Just wanted to say it was so fun meeting you – kissing you was…divine. Anyway hope you’re doing GREAT, take care of that heart of yours and thanks for the fantastic memories. See you around…” I think it would help me get the closure I need?
MariaTheOriginal
so he’s also not over his ex…. you did the right thing ending it.
Don’t get all caught up in the chemistry thing. There will be someone else you can have hot sex with, i guarantee it– hopefully someone not all still hung up on his ex.Besides– sometimes really intense chemistry happens BECAUSE the relationship is unstable/not going to work. To date, the person i have felt the strongest chemistry with was the most toxic relationship of my life.
You need that spark, of course, and you can have that in a healthy relationship.
But science shows that fear and excitement are physiogically identical. So that heart-pounding, weak in the knees feeling can happen precisely BECAUSE someone is a bad bet.
If I ever feel chemistry as strong as I did for that one toxic ex I will run like hell LOL.
That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in attraction. I have the best sex of my life with my current BF and it’s a healthy relationship.
But that crazed / crazy feeling? The one where you would drive all night in a fit of desperation just to have sex with them? Usually, in fact, not a good sign at all.
KaylA
If you haven’t dated in awhile you have a lot to learn!
This man never was into you, he didn’t have feelings for you. It was a month of no strings sex. He does have feelings for the ex.
He wasn’t over the ex, and you should be th last person to be consoling him over an ex!!
There wasn’t anything to break up from. It was a sexual fling for him. He isn’t wanting a relationship from you, he might still want the ex, but who knows?
What I don’t get is why you are kissing him on his lap and asking him about the ex? That’s not normal.. and downright foolish. This whole thing wasn’t going anywhere, it was a month .. just move on. And read up on men and dating, nothing you did here was right..or in your best interest,
Shannon
Maybe I’m missing something here, but it seems to me that YOU were the one who kept bringing up the ex, and then when he answered you, you got mad at him.
Prairiegirl
That last text that you would like to send: DON’T. It screams neediness. And the closure you’re hoping for? It will only prolong the inevitable. He’s not over his ex. Who cares why he did not block you? He’s ghosted. Let him be.
This chemistry you have with him is only superficial. Find someone who will be respectful and loving.
Cora Notley
I was with a so callled man for 4yrs .I moved and he said he still wanted to see me.I haven’t heard from him in 3weeks.I have text him and then realized i had been ghosted it hurt me a lot and do cry a lot .The most hurtful experiences I have ever had.Why could he just be honest.Just feel I want to take my own life .Maybe the best way as don’t want the pain anymore
Whitney
Girl, your behavior is very childish. Just be an adult and yell the person how you really feel. Ignoring people in hopes they go away is very rude, disrespectful and more importantly, cowardice. Grow up . I baffles me to no end how grown adults can still behave like little children in communicating their needs.
Bedazzle
Why are there a slew of old posts resurfacing?
Raven
I know, right?!
Lia
So I’ve been texting with a guy I met online dating site and found out he lives in another state. We have been chatting for two months. Everyday chatting and finally says he is booking a flight to visit me and see how things go. Shows me the ticket booked etc. well, he is coming in two days and I have not heard a word from him. We have texted on Kik app and he has read my messages but has not responded. I honestly don’t know what to think. I am not texting back after this. Any advice?
-
AuthorPosts
