Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Ghosted me after 2 months? He came back from a trip and then I went away…
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Anonymous.
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Anon
F (28) M (33), we were in the talking/dating stage for 2 months ish. Didn’t even see each other that often but would text and call almost everyday. We’ve had a few hiccups but were resolved, he said he was an honest communicator so he did bring up issues that bothered him and we talked it through. He has told me about his personal goals for the next 3-6 months and I told him I support him on it. He did recently come out of a relationship about 5/6 months ago. So he went away o a trip with his boys for a week in which I told him to have a good trip and gave him his space to enjoy it. He was still messaging me and facetimed me while on his trip, even the week before we were chatting alot everyday. When he got back we saw each other on the weekend, and it seemed fine we had a good time. I had a gift for him and gave it to him. We didn’t really make anymore plans of when to see each other next after, we were supposed to for a movie but that was tentative.
Following week when he got back he was quiet and I left him be except maybe few thing here and there but not really convos. I understand he just got back from his trip so needed time to settle back into his routine I’m sure. He wasn’t sharing me memes or songs anymore when he got back which he usually would. Then I went on my trip with one of my girl for a week, but that’s when it got weird. He didn’t bother telling me to have a safe flight or trip, didn’t talk to me at all on the trip asking how it was, and even after I got back nothing.
It feels like a slow fade or ghosting and then I stopped sending him or reacting to anything. It’s been 8 days now since last interaction with him.
Maybe it’s the holidays and he’s busy with work wrapping things up but this is the longest I’ve ever heard from him. He’s still active on social of course.
I’m staring to let go but I feel weird…
Did I freak him out with the gift? Was his ego threaten that I went on a trip without him? We’re not officially dating but I just felt a shift of energy after he got back and our weekend and then I went away…AngieBaby
What do you mean, you’re not officially dating??
The 2-3 month mark is when a guy decides if he’s in or out. Looks like your “honest communicator” is out. If he was freaked out by a gift (not extravagant I’m assuming) or your taking a trip with a friend after he did, then it wasn’t going to last anyway. You can either just let it alone and block him – if he met someone else he may try to come back if it doesn’t work out and you don’t need that – or you can say, hey looks like we’re not going to be seeing each other anymore since I haven’t heard from you. It was nice to have spent some time with you, wish you all the best. I don’t think you did anything wrong. If he was already bringing up things he didn’t like inside of 8 weeks, doesn’t sound like there was a future anyway. No big loss. Personally I don’t give gifts to guys I’m not official with.
Raven
Rebound…
Liz Lemon
You said you “didn’t even see each other that often” — how often did you actually see this guy and spend time with him? Guys don’t bond through texting (even if you do it daily), they bond and get attached to you through spending time with you and doing activities with you.
You mentioned you “had a few hiccups” — the first few months of dating are the honeymoon period, generally things are very smooth if you’re a good match and it’s meant to be a relationship. So if you’re having “hiccups” already when you’re barely getting to know each other, that doesn’t bode well, in my opinion. One “hiccup” maybe, but “a few hiccups” in only 2 months is a bad sign.
If a guy is into you and wants a relationship with you, a gift would not put him off (assuming it was appropriate and not extravagant). Neither would a trip with a friend.
I agree this may have been a rebound situation. You say you weren’t “officially dating” which is significant– a guy will lock you down if he wants you, generally within a 2-3 months, and he will definitely make it clear he’s courting you and dating you.
You did nothing wrong. I’d write this guy off if I were you. Eight days with no contact is an extremely long time, holidays or not. If he were serious about you, he’d demonstrate it.
Anon
we went on about 6 dates, he took me away for my birthday as well. but it wasn’t like we saw each other every week. the hiccups were red flags, possessive and controlling if i were to reflect back on that.
i feel like he needs time to heal from his recent relationship and shouldn’t have led me on but guys will be guys i guess..Anon
i wish he would just communicate instead of just ghost… like say he wasn’t interested in continuing this romantically anymore … but i know not a lot of men hae the courage to say it so they take the easy way out
Anonymous
i’m a giver and i like to give even friends gifts, but i’m going to abide by the rule of no gifting until official moving forward
Liz Lemon
You sound like you have your head on your shoulders about this. It sucks, but all you can do is learn from it.
I’d say a guy who has serious intentions towards you would see you once a week, and more than that (say 1-2 times/week) after the first month or so of dating. If nothing else, he won’t want other guys taking you out, so he’ll try to see you regularly. A guy who’s interested escalates his attention to you, without fail. That is, he’ll want to see you more often as things progress. I don’t know how far you live from this guy, but if he couldn’t bother to see you at least once a week– he’s not that into you, in my opinion.
You’re right that it’s hard to tell someone you don’t want to see them anymore, which is probably why you haven’t heard from him. But closure comes from yourself, not from him. You know you deserve better!
Maddie
Guys who told me they were honest communicators were usually anything but! If someone is an honest communicator they don’t need to say it because they show you… by communicating. Don’t take someone at their word if they say that until they’ve proven it by their words and actions meeting up for the first few months. That wouldn’t have changed the way this played out, but it may help you set expectations for yourself in the future to let the guy show who he actually is when still in early dating. People say things like this sometimes because they want them to be true and want to see themselves that way, but they’re aspirational and not actually true. Or they feel burned by an ex who maybe ghosted them or held back, and they want to set a standard where they don’t need to worry about YOU being honest with them. Not saying to be distrustful of new people or assume the worst before they even show you red flags, just take enough time to let them show you that they are consistent and words and actions always match.
I’m sorry you’re being ghosted because it does suck, especially when you feel you’ve met someone promising, but at least now you know he’s not boyfriend material!
Ewa
ghosting is harsh especially when you’ve been talking everyday, but I can tell that you are healing quite quickly. It is something that happens too often these days and we have to deal with it whether we like it or not.
For the future, even though you like doing it, don’t give men gifts if you are not with them officially. I am not saying this spooked him, most likely he was seeing other women at the same time and found someone more suited maybe.
Nothing wrong with you and please never take ghosting personally.Anonymous
thank you, we do live about 2 hours drive from each other
Anonymous
thank you for your kind words, i have good and bad days but i’ll get over it.
ugh sad i just like gifting people when i care about them but yes moving forward i am not unless they’re my boyfriend.
now i want my gift back haha -
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